Is that book KAMA about our conversations?
well, listen, why I asked you about our msges cause I wanted to make a short story HURRICANE
Yes, I lost them
Well listen
I may not get another chance to explain
But never think that I'm a sex craved ape
Otherwise i get so many chances to exploit emotionally challenge women. But i refuse to do that.
no, it's not a part of KAMA, but of course, connected to it and... you just don't understand maybe HOW interesting it was THIS time... all those deep psychological turns and hidden reasons :) I'm SO sorry I got angry and deleted everything... I may delete just last passages... Anger is a bad adviser!
All these conversations are important for me to answer a few questions about life
But somehow you never understood me. And may be i couldn't understand you.
Well i'll try to read KAMA to know what u have implied about me through the conversations :D
Anyways let me come back to the "Hurricane":
"And this time came Aamir, who at least promised me what I was needed".
This is the problem. I don't make empty promises to emotionally vulnerable women which i can't keep. I'm bluntly true because i don't want to hurt anyone. And i don't want the burden of hurting someone on my conscience by lying to them.
That was my experiment all along. I wanted to know how acceptable is the truth to people.
Turns out it is not a very successful idea.
The best method is to lie to emotionally vulnerable people and when you are done with them then create a beautiful excuse and leave.
Thats too much for my soul.
I need to preserve my soul.
That's my only method of identifying the truth. By keeping it clean. So that when i see the truth then i see it and accept it.
So that i remain a (momin) the keeper of truth. For myself. And not become a rejecter of truth (a kafir)
That's my only repentance. My confession to self. That i speak and believe what I WITNESS. Yes, that's my witness. That i stayed true to myself.
you are right about yourself
no need to lie
I don't do as well
but as about him - you don't know the person and the story
don't think plz that 'not you' is always someone bad and lying
I am not meant for a man
that's why God always creates unbearable situation for those who are trying...
Aamir also was blaming Ajaz the way you do (to Aamir) but then got in the same situation... as I told you once it was me, not him, who told: "go and try with other woman" because I wasn't able for that moment to give him what he was needed so much
now he has normal happy family and I'm also happy that he has it
you see? :)
"at least promised" doesn't mean 'empty' promises... means it didn't come true due to some circumstances. It was really so tangled and hard situation for us! You can't imagine.
I still remember the evening I gave up... it was me, my weakness. I went to my garden because I wanted to cry myself out
and I did, I cried and prayed... I USED my prayers were answered... but then it was just silence... I was asking: plz, somebody help me! plz!
but no any answer... no any move as if I was alone in the world...
then I said to God: ok, if You don't help us to be together, I let him go... I can't keep him more (don't forget it took 3 years just to get divorce and it's NOW I know the time... then it seemed to be endless).
It was for the first time I accepted the thought we wouldn't be together... I started coming back to home from my garden, still very upset. And that very moment Aamir called to me. He was this one who heard me and came to my help... but I dropped the call...
Well some times i just wonder what have we achieved so far after so many years. Well at least you wrote a book out of it and are now rich because of it :D
no, I'm not rich because of the book at all
I'm rich because I have wonderful life
but the book will work as well, it was created for some purpose
What purpose?
let's talk some other time
you wanted to do something, right?
there is a lot about the book
you are clever guy... can't get the meaning?? :)
and I just used to make something from everything, I was created to create :)
and you were co-writer, I suggested you to take part, you were afraid your name there.... right?
Hurricane, excerpt 6.
http://proza.ru/2017/07/24/1101