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Spent a few hours writing about honesty, of which I was thinking about most of the last week. Although the topic of the last week was justice, I regularly caught myself thinking about whether it was possible to reach absolute honesty in my writing. For the entire week, I had a feeling that I wasn’t writing about what I needed to. I often thought that instead of scratching the surface, I’d rather do something to get deeper into my consciousness, yet at the end of a day came up with nothing, but a kind of superficial description of my daily routine. Something truly amazing has to be said. I feel that something unusual has been going on for the last few weeks. I had several lucid dreams, met many people whom I hadn’t seen for years, found a new way of working on the club. It’s amazing! I feel a burst of energy and it promises happy days. I use the word “happy” quite rarely, preferring to keep whatever it signifies at a distance, but now let it be—just let it be. Grammar doesn’t matter; the lack of certain words doesn’t matter; even beauty may be considered as something superfluous when honesty is at stake. This is what I need: to be honest, or, as I put it in vk today, to learn to lie. Yeah, but, again, to learn to lie means something very special in this case.
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