12639
10:19am.
Feel great after the exercises. The morning was awesome. Although it was hard to get up, and during the first hour, I felt weak, after the exercises, my mood changed. I don’t know how, but I must find a way to do these exercises every morning. In the beginning, it feels useless, and usually I observe lots of “giving up thoughts” of the kind: What’s the point of doing the exercises if I don’t wanna do them? Sometimes, these thoughts take over my mind, so I put off the exercises, and for the rest of the day, I’m unfocused and have very little energy to do anything. However, if I do the exercises, first off, it’s immediately feels good, and then, for the rest of the day, I’m working as a machine accomplishing everything that has been planned.
Another thing is that when there is a conflict with A in the morning, I can’t focus on the exercises and often fall into an unproductive reflective mood. It’s quite harmful for my work when external circumstances distract my stream of consciousness pressing on certain emotions which I can’t control.
Today, I had a few insights while doing the exercises. I think it’s vital to use certain methods to get out of the focused mode on purpose, but it shouldn’t be for too long.
1:58pm.
Done all of my publishing work and read half of the poem “Empedocles on Etna.” This is a nice poem to practice pronunciation. I’ll check out if there is any native speaker reading it on youtube.
Now it’s time to work on a new video. I’ve already worked out a plan and did some kind of brainstorming. The next step is to go and make a speech. Before doing it, however, I’m gonna take a lesson on YCA and practice pronunciation.
5:41pm.
I’ve recorded a couple of speeches, but both of them are crap. It’s a completely different situation when I make something for others versus when I care only about the quality of what I’m making regardless of how it’s gonna be perceived by somebody. I had no problems with talking to the camera, though sometimes there was a lot of complaining going on. But now, when I’m concerned with the end result, it seems I can’t say anything that would make sense. Maybe I need some time to get out of this self-critical state of mind. By the way, I’ve watched a couple of videos by Cathrin and another guy. What if I can’t clearly develop my thoughts because I watch too much videos where different people are talking about their thoughts?
Back: http://proza.ru/2022/09/23/1192
Next: http://proza.ru/2022/09/25/484