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I’d like to cease this diary for a while to put myself together. My relationship with A has crashed, and this time it’s probably a real end. We don’t understand each other. We can’t find a common ground for future development. Moreover, she renewed her communication with her ex, hanging out with him as if it were a usual thing. I told her I didn’t like, but she ignored it and spent the entire weekend in his company. On Saturday, she brought him deadly drunk into her home and let him sleep in her bed while she was sleeping on the balcony. The next day (yesterday), she spent the whole evening with him after I left her at 4pm. When she told me about that, I was quite upset. She tried to make me talk, but I kept silent. Then, in the morning, I went home without saying anything. Later, she called me to ask about “how I felt.” I still was not in a good mood and didn’t want to talk, expecting she had to understand the reason, but she decided that I deliberately was irritating her. I came to her in the middle of the day, we talked for 10 minutes, and then she very politely asked me to leave her. She said she couldn’t bear it, so I took my stuff and went home.
The whole day, I was listening to Castaneda’s book “Journey to Ixtlan.” (8 hours). I also had a couple of walks to relieve the psychological pressure. I had an unshakable sense of grief when I was at home, but as soon as I got out it felt much better. On an intellectual level, I think it’s all for good, but there is also an emotional component, which takes some time to bring to an equilibrium.
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