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I must learn how to get up at the first A’s alarm. She sets it at half an hour earlier than the actual time she gets up. I think it’s harmful to disrupt sleep. Doing it many times every morning leads to real psychological damage. I can’t convince her not to do it, but I can learn how to protect my own health. I guess, I’m still blaming her in some sense for the lack of sleep, and it has a certain impact on other aspects of our relationship. I wanna do everything I can to develop this relationship. It’s inevitable that I have to change myself to a certain extent to make it bearable. Now, I still haven’t come to terms with this “new reality.” I can’t admit that this little girl turned me into her slave. I’m still too serious when it comes down to comparing between what I get from this relationship and what I have to sacrifice to sustain it. I tell myself over and over that I have to focus on what I’m doing and stop being an idiot who wants to make somebody else happy, ironically getting the opposite result.
The last few days, I watched a couple of videos about codependency, silent treatment, abusive relationships, and all sorts of things like that. I don’t think it makes a lot of sense to follow blindly the advice provided by these videos, but watching certainly helps me better figure out what’s going on. After all, it’s just about focusing my attention on something which is supposed to make me figure out how to behave in certain situations.
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