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Why do I always look back? Every time I’m about to make a note, I look back. What has happened? What was there I could write down? I tell myself that this is all about describing my experience; so, talking about ‘yesterday’ is what I have to do, right? Yesterday, I did this, had that thought, read those articles—
I guess it no longer makes sense. When I used to write in the evenings, it was kinda natural. I reflected on what was going on during the day, discerned among my actions and thoughts those that were more significant than others, and enriched them by meaningful descriptions. But now, I’m using this diary at the beginning of the day, and I wanna look into the future. Yesterday has gone by. Whether there was anything significant or not, I don’t wanna care. My mind is clear and ready to explore the unknown. Perhaps I didn’t say ‘farewell’ to my love, and this is what makes me look back. Farewell. How now, mr. Free Spirit? Are you sure about the past? Did you get your lesson? Have you figured out why it was necessary to play a nice guy for half a year? Is a break up inevitable? Is there no way to settle things down? How about your celebrated selflessness? To serve thy love! To be with her no matter what! To be always with her! To love her at the end of time! To forgive everything! You’re a runaway. And you always have been. And that’s fine. Time is ripe. Wake up. Cure you hangover.
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