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The day is full of promises. Since I started paying attention to the relationship with A, it has improved dramatically. We talk, study English; she reads Schopenhauer to me, and ultimately, there is a warm atmosphere most of the time.
Now, I’m mastering communication skills, and here is exactly what I’m doing. I’ve noticed a pattern which always leads to a fight, so I’m trying to reprogram my behavior and break the pattern.
I say something: let it be “x”. It makes her angry, or she gets upset, or whatever. I start defending the “x” explaining why I said it. It makes her even angrier, etc. I try to destroy her anger by a straightforward attack on it. Then, I get frustrated and we stop interacting. After a certain time, we either reach peace or we engage in a real fight, depending on various factors like mood, energy level and so on.
I also started using text messages to communicate with her. Yesterday, she wrote she didn’t want to be criticized, neither her opinions nor herself. So if I disagree with her about something, it’s up to me to choose the right course of action, even if it contradicts whatever she thinks is right.
Pointing out her mistakes or obvious contradictions in what she says and does, as well as denouncing her opinions, is not gonna lead me anywhere. I have to learn new strategies for communication.
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