A Life-long Romance. part 1 Evgenia Sazentseva

(Machine translate)

To my friends on facebook

Dear friends!  I want to share with you my hobby - I write prose.  This is my novel.  The translation is bad, but I think the meaning will be clear to you.  Thank you for attention!
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I am writing a science fiction novel called "A Life-long Romance". I publish it in prose by chapters about once every three days. Events in it unfold in 2029. Often, science fiction opens our eyes to future technologies, but my novel is not about that. I want to look into the future from the point of view of morality. What awaits us in 10 years ... My view is more pessimistic than optimistic. But perhaps such a novel will make someone think and change that very future in their life. Here and now.

Read my exciting novel about the future of online prose ru and wait for the continuation! I promise not real plot twists and mind-striking events from the future!

Part 1

Prologue

My name is Evgenia Sazhentseva. I graduated from university. By education I am a theologian (RGPPU 2013). If translated into Russian, the theologian. But, of course, in Russian, it is painfully loud. Fortunately, just a theologian. And maybe even teoluh. I worked at different places after graduation. I was looking for myself. But as it turned out, I am most of all - a mother than a business woman. Therefore, I arranged my life in such a way as to devote as much time as possible to the child and personally engage in education, but at the same time have money for each day. No more no less. Since childhood, I have an irresistible desire to create. Create. From the cradle something composed. Until I could write, they turned on a voice recorder, then she wrote poems and stories herself. Somewhere published. Although it is not very important for me. I am interested in the process of the emergence of a new "nothing". And so, 2019. I still create something. The main thing - create a new life. Helping my daughter to grow. We have with her 2 channels on YouTube, each with its own, maybe, a child is a person. And keeping up with the times, we create content. My daughter Ninochka is 4 years old. Itself is not inferior to my mother in the creative. That show will show, then come up with a cartoon. Mom grasps the idea. Mounts, reduces the size of Nina toys and a living fairy tale. I can say that I am happy. Though not particularly successful in anything. I have my goals in life. Almost everything is at the level of spiritual self-development.
I also really like books. Despite the development of digital technology, the book in my opinion is always relevant. I read a lot. And classics, and modern writers.
And this year, I began to gradually realize one thing. I’ll be 30 years old in March, but I still haven’t even made an attempt to write a book. No, I essentially wrote constantly: thoughts, poems, miniatures. But I never wrote a full book. And I blame one thing: laziness. After all, a book is a work. This time. This is compulsion and effort. And not just inspiration. You can say that I take myself to "weak." And I take on this work now. It was at 29 years old. To meet your 30s, we don’t bother with creative things, but have managed to make something human. And give to God what He has put in me for some reason. This is not the pathos. A fact. Otherwise, why write so much if there is no talent. But the trouble of many creative people is laziness. And it must be overcome by impulse. Well! Good luck!

Chapter 1 "Morning is good"

She got up in the morning as usual, washed her face and looked in the mirror. No, she never attached much importance to her appearance. Her glance at herself was rather like the men look at themselves: “Was the dirt washed away. No dirt? Ok.” So she looked and went to the kitchen. As always put on fire to make coffee. She looked out the window and was no longer mechanically there. And how children admire ... For children, there are no important things. They rejoice at the sun for the first time. So she had a child in her soul. I looked out the window and smiled. With love even. And the Sun reciprocated her. It transfigured face and gaze. Under room lighting, her eyes were gray and dull, and when the sun was shining, her eyes became bright blue.
While she was watching the sunrise, the coffee was brewed and it was a great start to the day.
Of course, there was a lot of things ahead, bustle, but she knew how to catch moments of silence and peace, which charged her for the whole day.
The days were most often similar to one another, but each had its own zest. Vera was looking for this highlight and, having found it, she was very happy about herself, again as a child. In the Gospel it is said that one should be like children and Faith, not knowing and not knowing, spontaneously observed this gospel commandment all his life. And Vera turned 40 this day. She decided not to celebrate this date. Not because she did not want to, or she was disheartened. She just felt in her heart that it would take a lot of strength and deprive her favorite sensation: the measuredness of life and peace. In addition, holidays for her were always almost work. She liked to celebrate the birthday of her daughter on a grand scale and always then fell at the end of the day, like a miner. "Is it worth it to suffer for yourself," she thought as she finished her coffee.
Vera greeted this dawn with a feeling of happiness and gratitude to God for life ...

Chapter 2 "They will wait"

At the time when Vera finished her coffee, it was necessary to get down to business. To wake up my daughter, help her get ready for college ... And Nadia loved to sleep, and in order to wake her up, you had to come up with a whole story. Like a fire. Only then did she decide to open one eye. Then Vera had to write an article for the site. She worked as a copywriter, a journalist, a psychologist and more god knows what at the same time, at home via the Internet to pay for an apartment, provide a daughter and live decently. She herself could have a day off just by not turning on the computer. It was the height of summer outside, and they and their daughter often made such days for themselves: they went to a river in the forest or bought a plane ticket and instantly found themselves at the sea. Moreover, such plans were not kept in mind for a long time, but were decided every minute and irrevocably, collecting a suitcase in one hour. They had a small suitcase, where by some miracle they got into all the things so that he even called himself “hand luggage” at the airport. But the miracle was rather the fact that both Vera and Nadya were not attached to things and did not have passion beautifully and long to dress up. They had a pair of simple and cute dresses in their wardrobe that were suitable for any occasion. And the figure, not exhausted by many appearances - this is beauty, which always looks favorably with any dress. But today, such plans have not yet developed in their heads. My daughter was woken up and had breakfast. Nadya was not too similar to her mother in appearance, but she inherited a chameleon's eyes: from gray ones turning into bright blue in the sun and a slim figure: not too bony, but chiselled waist. Especially by the age of 14, it made itself felt. Together, they were more like best friends than mom and daughter. According to my feelings, they were for each other - best friends. And even the transitional age of Nadi did not spoil this feeling. Faith had its own methods of education, based on love and understanding, freedom and creativity. She had a minimum of prohibitions. They could also go to a concert of some modern performer or to a chamber theater. Faith was interested in modernity and she did not grow old both externally and in her views on art, despite the fact that today she turned 40 years old.
When my daughter got dressed and went to college, Vera got to work. I just haven’t decided what I’ll do in the first place: my next customer, who needs psychological help, from whom my wife left or to add an article about the rise in prices for products ?! She took a piece of paper so as not to get confused. She did this every morning and it became easier to live with this to-do list, but as was said earlier, the to-do list could instantly change if the weather and mood were traveling. Simply put, Vera had a lively mind, not an ossified view of life and an open heart to everything new. She gently smoothed a piece of paper, took a pen to write the plan of the day and a to-do list alternately.
Having written the number one and the point behind her, I suddenly realized that today is her birthday. Of course, she did not forget about it, but the feeling of the solemnity of the day came to her not immediately. And instead of the usual: 1) call Konstantin Lvovich, ask about your health, 2) analyze how the prices of products increased from last month - she unexpectedly issued: 1) Call Igorekh to come to the quest, 2) book the quest for D.R. .
She did not like ordinary feasts, with numerous relatives and friends, this caused her longing, so the idea of ;;the quest came instantly and by itself.
Then she led the arrow from two to one and changed the order of affairs.
Igor was the best friend of the Faith. Ever since the student days. He was married twice, always had mistresses. Now was divorced. Faith knew all this on the rights of a friend and the line of friendship never passed. She liked cheerful Igorekha as a person who is ready to break from the usual rhythm of life for the sake of an interesting idea or to support a friend in need. She knew that only Igor could, without hesitating, agree to the quest, in fact, she didn’t invite anyone else and didn’t want to today not to create a sweet gathering. She knew that he would definitely come.
Vera herself was not divorced, because she was never married. Although in the ZAGSE periodically appeared statements with her name about the desire to marry different people. But for some reason, always at the last moment, Vera imagined what kind of life awaits her with this or that chosen one, how it all ends: mistresses, quarrels, life, and decided that she would not go to the registrar to sign the death sentence to her freedom and happiness , that is, on the day of the designated registration. And her happiness has never been associated with a man, but rather with inner harmony with herself and the world around her. Men rather caused not happiness, but different emotions: from joy to sadness. Although she hypothetically understood that maybe someone is happy with someone, but rather in a fairy tale or parade for the rest.
In general, Vera was always very pleased that she did not know life in marriage. Especially when Igor once again told how he quarreled with his wife, how you can not stand her and that he has found another. Will live while with her. Then he told me how he got acquainted with one more and that he likes more, but he is slowly beginning to bother. And all this happened despite the fact that according to his passport he had a legal wife. The fact that all these stamps are nothing more than a stamp on a piece of paper, Vera knew and nevertheless, whoever she was seriously meeting, went to the registry office in order to legitimize the relationship. And if it were not for a month of reflection, then Vera would have been married three times already. But fortunately in time the brain took over the senses. She was not a fighter for the rights of women, not a lesbian or anyone else. Perhaps if she lived at another time, she would happily trade her freedom for a married life. But it was the year 2029. The time when the marriage was only an external window dressing, but nothing was left of this concept inside. Faith did not love illusions, although it was a creative person.
Her daughter was absolutely desirable child and generally not associated with any man. That Vera, too, was always very happy and pleased. Especially when her friends told that they could not go abroad, they need the permission of the bio-father. A bio-father, as a rule, did everything so that the life of children was not sweeter from harm and selfishness. All Vera's friends were successful women and the only thing that bothered them in life was their ex-husbands. Vera gave birth by deciding to do IVF. Fully consciously and very much wanted it, and everything turned out.
The quest was set for 15.30. Igor Vera notified. Vera knew that the day with Igor would be fun and easy. Like any day spent with Igor. The relationship of Igor and Faith has always been friendly and they are very happy and pleased with it. Of course, if desired, they could at any time become each other more than friends, but both understood that this would only spoil their many years of idyll and greatly valued the feeling of lightness, sincerity, honesty and freedom with each other. Vera did not want to be deceived by his wife, nor Igor’s next mistress. A relationship with a taste of love is always a lie, resentment, jealousy, suspicion. It cannot be said that Faith, in principle, rejected love as such. She simply did not pursue the equality between love and sex. She loved Igor in her love ideas as a friend. In her world view, love and freedom could exist together without sex, but at the level of souls. Although she also loved her daughter, her friends and the one who called for help. For her, love was the relation of man to man. At what she went from the inside to others, being born not at the time of communication with anyone, but by long work on herself. Over their selfishness and desire to do good to people in principle. In ancient Greek there is the concept of such love, and it is called "agape" there. Vera, still studying at the university, learned about agape from lectures and accepted this concept as true love and followed it all her life.
Vera called Igor without any ulterior motives on the topic of sex, she just wanted to spend this day easily and well. After all, 40 years. Need to mark. And despite her 40 years, Vera was beautiful, slim and looked at least 35. She was often written with offers to meet, but she was an unapproachable woman. I did not exchange myself for empty acquaintances.

Chapter 3 "Quest with Igor"

The quest was held in the basement, well equipped for their purposes. In the gray house and a small sign at the entrance, which was also found to be a quest. Vera didn’t particularly choose the theme of the quest, she booked what was free that day. A free was the "Inquisition". Quite a scary topic and the quest itself. At first, Vera was fastened with straps to the wall, practically in a crucified position, and she hung like that while Igor was looking for the first clue and key to unhook it. Vera helped only with her voice and gave advice, the rest of the rooms for the quest were no less gloomy, scary and interesting, but Vera could move along them on her feet. And in spite of all the gloominess of the quest subject matter, Vera and Igor constantly laughed, moving through the rooms, meeting the skulls as in a horror film, guessing the tasks. Igor was in his repertoire. He tried on everything that fell on his head and even wanted to take one shard as a souvenir, but he was not given it.
When the quest came to an end, Igor and Vera went to a cafe, eat cake and drink coffee. A conversation began.
-Tell me, Igor! What's up? Who are you dating? How's your work?
-Verochka! - Igor began, sitting comfortably, his hands behind his head ...
Igor was tall, with big eyes, black-haired. Any other girl fell in love with him for a long time. But not Faith. From about 20 years old, Vera realized that her appearance was deceptive, and if she fell in love, then it was solely into a person’s soul, and when she saw that a man had nothing to do with words. Igor was not like that. But he had everything to be a very good, cheerful friend.
- I have nobody now. I'm lonely. I work like a wolf. Look, the rhyme came out, - said Igor and smiled. He almost always smiled, was cheerful.
-Come on! Oh, you can not fill me, - Vera threw up her hands and smiled too. Then she winked and continued, - who is she? blonde? brunette?
-Red! (Both laughed)
Then Igor sat down in a different position, put his elbow on the table, put his hand to his lips and, as it were, deeply and seriously asked.
-And you, Vera? One?
-I'm not alone. I have a beloved daughter, - Vera answered immediately and blushing a little, continued, - you know, Igor ... Sex is not the main thing. At least I think so. I do not impose my opinion. But you just try to live a month without him, you will feel how strength and youth will increase. Sex - energy-intensive business, especially with the unloved. You seem to be squandered into emptiness, decaying during life. Chastity is the integrity of soul and body. It gives peace and tranquility.
-Eh! Philosopher! - Igor leaned back and became cheerful again, - seeks, he is even good for health! Month? Yes, I die! How much have you had him?
-10 years and, as you can see, did not die, and absolutely healthy, I feel well.
-Well, well ...- Igor always carried a mirror with him to straighten his hairstyle and now took it out of his pocket and brought it to Vera's lips - and he really breathes! I thought so! (both laughed)
“But with these lovers I was like a hysterical woman,” Vera continued the dialogue seriously.
“I remember, then, at your university, which,” Igor wanted to say a name, but Vera interrupted him.
-Do not remember! Anyone who remembers the past, all the best! So I started talking to you in verse, - Vera smiled, - better talk about my daughter. She's a clever girl. Now he is learning and composing music in parallel. Playing in a group ...

Vera could discuss any topic with Igor, from sex to politics, about anything.
The evening was very warm and cozy. Otherwise, Igor could not be. As a man for Vera, he was, of course - a scoundrel, because constantly lied to his wives and changed his mistresses like gloves, but as a friend was perfect. Vera blamed not Igor himself, but rather the time in which she lived, she understood that at that time it was almost impossible for people to have families and to observe morality. There is no example before my eyes and the whole culture of this time was aimed at unraveling a person, and not creating it in all its beauty.
However, life and people, and everything in this world - not so flat and unambiguous. This life, the world, and the people in it, are not black and white, and all their actions can be interpreted differently with respect to a particular case. Life is like a rainbow: both red and green are different. Vera always knew and loved Igor. Vera, of course, had other friends and many even common acquaintances with Igor, who too could be invited to the quest today so that they would be comfortable with each other, but Vera wanted to spend this day with Igor.
They said goodbye, kissing each other on the cheek.
Vera came home, and on the table it was festive: champagne, cake, salads.
“Just like the New Year,” said Vera, opening her mouth in surprise.

chapter 4 "Life and death"

For a moment, Vera forgot her Birthday too and she had a genuine childish surprise when she saw a laid table with treats. At that moment, her daughter said, "Mom! Happy Birthday!" It turns out that Nadia was preparing with all her strength so that mom could feel the holiday. Entering the room, Vera was even more surprised. There were a lot of balloons. Such a surprise for her was an absolute surprise and at the same time a joy, because She realized that in this festive decoration is the gratitude of her daughter. After all, every year Vera made real fairytales for the holidays for Nadia: she rented a limousine to get to the festival venue, booked a place in the restaurant with her favorite singer as a guest star, and when she was a little younger, a children's room and, of course, the balls also always met her on his birthday as soon as he opens his eyes. Faith did all this with great love for her daughter, and not for Ponte or to prove anything to anyone. She just had her own upbringing system: she showed her daughter kindness and believed that good would win. Punishment and severity only destroy the psyche of the child, as she thought. And, most importantly, the unknown before the future made her here and now be happy, every day and hour. She wanted to show the child that she was a princess for her. Because the world is too harsh on gifts of fate, and who if not a mother should make her child happy while she is alive. Conventionally, Vera called her system of upbringing a “creative person” and knew that her love would bear the fruits of reciprocal love someday, but she never forced it to. And so, this day came when Vera was 40, and Nadya was 14.
Nadia and Vera embraced and this evening turned out with a big and fatty zest on the cake. However, like the whole day, starting with morning coffee and the bright Sun, ending with a quest with a fun and easy Igor. And, most importantly, that there was no holiday rush in it, which Vera was so afraid of. And did not take away the forces, but added them.
And the next day, the strength was needed to survive one grief, but so far she did not know it and just fell soundly asleep.
The morning began as usual: coffee, bright summer sun, and a list of cases. Only Nadya today was more than ever independent. She got up, had breakfast, and kissed her mother, went to study.
But later something happened that struck like a bolt from the blue. Vera read the letter by e-mail. I looked at many messages with congratulations from the social. networks. And finally, she saw one message from a general acquaintance with Igor. He wrote: "Igor left us this morning. Forever. I will tell you later when the funeral will take place. His mother really hopes that all of Igor's friends will be. After all, he had many friends. So it will probably be easier for her."
Faith could not believe the message read. She thought it was a stupid joke, a cruel joke. She began to dial Igor on the phone, hoping to hear a familiar, cheerful voice, but his mother answered. Igor's mom confirmed that everything is exactly that and not otherwise. Igor is gone. And he left himself. That was his decision.

The events taking place in the book are dating the future. Let me remind you, it was 2029. Then euthanasia became the norm and anyone who was seriously ill could sign a document that they voluntarily agreed to die. Doctors were a little interested in the amount of euthanasia in their practice, this was encouraged by the state not small cash bonuses. Just as now doctors are interested to put as many vaccinations as possible.

Vera had no tears. She had a shock. Too clearly Igor stood alive before her eyes, in his memory. Yesterday she saw him smiling and nothing in his face caused suspicion of either pain or quick death. He was joking, was cheerful and cheerful. Her Igoreha. Her friend. Best friend.
It seems that even the sun began to shine somehow differently, not as bright as before.

Death is always unpredictable and unexpected. She is always a shock. Although each of us is doomed to her. Just do not know her time. Otherwise, everything is clear. Nevertheless, it always seems to us that this should not be. And this is not about us. And not about our loved ones.
Vera wanted to urgently go home to Igor’s mother and personally ask what exactly happened. Than he was sick.

Chapter 5 "Euthanasia, or Murder ..."

Faith did not want to go into hysterics, she needed to translate emotions into action. Of course, she could not return her friend and nothing to help him either. But it was in her power to translate the feeling of loss to at least some matter. It would be best to pray at home for the rest of Igor's soul, thereby giving the soul the spiritual help that it needed. Give the soul spiritual through material action. The soul after death cannot act, it needs the help of loved ones and relatives.
But Vera forgot about it, she rushed and decided to give the material things, to look for the guilty. And it was hardly necessary for Igor’s soul, but rather for Vera herself.

At first she instantly rushed to Igor's mother. Mama I. firmly embraced Vera and said that Igor was always very sorry for her. Vera was a little surprised by her words. She wanted to ask why she was sorry, because she always considered herself a happy person. “It may be regretted, because I alone raised my daughter,” Vera thought, “but I myself made this decision, having made IVF, and never had a repentance or material need, but only one joy. Probably, Igor also did not fully know and understand me. However, as it turned out, I didn’t know him, even though I considered him my best friend. ” Vera did not ask about herself, turned off egoism. She was important now is different. Cause of death. No, of course she already became aware of euthanasia, which at the time when Vera lived, was a normal procedure for the voluntary retirement of the terminally ill. In 2029, euthanasia was practically in any country. But Vera never knew that Igor was sick. And euthanasia itself was not combined in its representation with Igor. It seemed to her that it was he who would fight to the end. He would beat the disease.

Mama I. and Vera sat in the kitchen at the table and held each other's hands.
Tell me please what happened. I still do not understand anything, first Vera.
- Igor has long been ill. And very seriously. Doctors said he stayed a year or two. They offered to do euthanasia and he agreed. He signed the document, wiping tears with a handkerchief, said Mom I., and today he was released voluntarily from life.
- Excuse me, but I can't believe it. It seems to me that he was forced, - Vera squeezed Mama I.’s hand a little harder, “I am very sorry for you. This is the greatest grief for a mother. But ... it's like a bad dream, and in my views Igor would not go for it voluntarily.
- No, alas. He had no other way out. We do not have hospitals where he could be treated, such patients in our time are no longer treated, but they are not hired. He did not want to sit at home and wait for death, —mother I. stopped crying and asked in a serious tone, “the funeral is scheduled for tomorrow. I really hope you come to say goodbye to Igor.

Vera did not like the funeral, she did not want to look at that Igor, in which the light that he radiated during his life died out. "This light has returned to where it came from," Vera thought, "and he is no longer with us." But she nodded her head meaningfully. Vera didn’t say anything further, but her internal dialogue continued. She could not believe that Igor, her cheerful best friend, could agree to euthanasia.
Vera never approved the law on the possibility of voluntarily leaving the life of a seriously ill patient.
The state seemed to contribute to people dying and less born in 2019: almost completely destroyed the institution of marriage, general immorality, the absence of any benefits for children, the elimination of pensions for the elderly and euthanasia, as the peak of indifference to the human personality and life. A person lost the right to a decent life, but gained the right to a quick death.
Vera once even discussed this issue with Igor, but he did not submit the view that he was somehow worried about it. Vera spoke hotly then and was ready to argue: “Instead of ensuring a decent life for people: to provide for example hospitals where such people would be tried to be treated; living conditions in recent years to a seriously ill patient - they simply kill people. Of course, it's easier. Easier than paying for treatment, providing a ward ... easier to kill. Our state does not want to do anything. It only kills its people. ” Igor listened attentively, nodded his head, but did not express his personal opinion. Held a deep pain.
Vera said goodbye to m.Igorya and continued the search for truth. She still did not want to sit back and cry, Vera felt that she should act, although it was essentially too late to act. But her heart, believing that it was possible to find justice on this earth, to get to the truth, to punish the guilty, could not give up.

chapter 6 "Who is to blame ?!"

Vera promised Igor's mother to be at the funeral. And she went to a friend with Igor. Pasha also worked at home, as well as Vera, she knew that she would find him.
Pasha was a programmer of medium height with blond hair. Pensive and serious. He believed in God, but did not impose his faith on anyone.
Should a believer be the unceasing preaching of his religion ?! More likely no than yes. Fanaticism is not a healthy phenomenon. But if a person truly believes, he must be an incessant preaching in his affairs.
Sometimes Paul helped people - those who asked for him; never allowed himself rudeness, knew how to behave in society. Kind and polite. But not unambiguous for friends. Someone thought him strange. Probably because people like him were few. And they stood out from the crowd. A good person is always mistaken for either a strange person or a madman. Although this crowd itself, unknowingly, went crazy.
Paul was lonely and led a practically reclusive life. He did not go to the monastery just because he considered himself unworthy of this place. Humility and meekness were rather not character, but hard work on oneself.
In 2029, all more or less good, decent people were lonely, so it was the only way to save the soul from what was happening in the world. Loneliness concerned and family life, and friendly. Having 100 friends and having a company with them, drinking drugs, or participating in orgies did not attract adequate people. And there were few such adequate ones. Orgies became fashionable and entrenched in society as something creative and necessary for fun. And the drugs became legal. They used every third, as well as regular cigarettes. The family was only on display, for status in society. The hypocritical marriage certificate was just a piece of paper. In fact, there was no family. Therefore, there was no sense in hypocrisy among good people either.

Pavel opened the door to Vera, lowered his eyes a little embarrassed and politely, saying hello, invited me to go to the apartment. They were never very close, but now and before they were united by Igor, an open soul and the best friend of everyone.
Vera apologized for coming without calling, but said that she had completely forgotten about all decency due to grief. Pavel offered tea. They sat on the sofa in a small room where only one icon hung, but very significant for Paul. It was the icon of Rublev "Trinity".
Pavel was well versed in the dogmas of Orthodoxy and knew that the main dogma symbolically depicted on the icon: God is One, but Trinity in persons; God the Father, the Son of God and the Holy Spirit. He decided that this icon could replace all the many Orthodox icons at once. Pasha was a man who did not collect wealth here on earth, but only in heaven. Including he did not really approve of the Orthodox kiosks, where they sell church utensils. He believed that if he began to buy a lot there, then his heart would unwittingly approve trade in the temple.
-Please tell me everything in detail about what happened to Igor in recent days. I thought I knew everything about him, but it turned out I don’t know anything, ”Vera began to speak hastily, trying to cling on to at least something to understand why Igor agreed to euthanasia,“ I blame myself for possibly referring to him lightly, since she could have missed his mental anguish and physical illness.
-Oh, just please do not blame yourself for anything. It was a weighted decision and deliberate. Yes, I also do not approve of euthanasia. But all the will of God, - said Paul and looked at the icon "Trinity", which was directly opposite the sofa where they were sitting.
“And you didn’t even try to dissuade him,” said Vera, raising her voice a little, looking directly at Pasha, “because euthanasia is practically suicide or murder, one of two things. Is this the will of God? - and Vera also looked at the icon, as if asking a question not only to Pasha.
-I never impose my convictions on anyone. Every person has freedom of choice, - said Pasha with his characteristic peace, without expressing emotions.
-Sorry, I did not want to condemn you. There is no you, - having made a small pause in a hot rush, Vera continued, - but our medicine and the government - yes! I think they imposed it on him, they said something or even put some kind of drug in, so that he would lose that very free agency. And signed the document. By the way, I did not see that document, but I would like to take a look with my own eyes. You know, Vera got up and began to actively gesticulate with her hands and speak even louder, while Pasha was still calm and controlled the expression of her face so as not to give out any emotion, you know that they are well added to their salary commit another murder. Otherwise I can’t call it ...
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Vera spoke for a long time. So that the dialogue gradually turned into a monologue. Reasoned about medicine and politics, condemning everyone and everything. She gradually came to such a state that she began to cry, seeing the motionless face of Paul. She wanted to wait for a similar thought from him, close to her worldview, but Pasha did not have this thought. Finally, Paul realized that Vera was very bad and all her aggression was nothing more than powerlessness over the fact of death. He hugged her tightly and patted her on the back. Vera began to cry. These were her first tears after she learned about the death of Igor. Her pain subsided a bit. Probably, this is exactly what she needed now: to share her pain with someone, and not to look for the guilty.
That same agape (love) that purifies the heart. And let Pavel not unequivocal in his practice of humility, depriving himself of all emotions, which, incidentally, has little to do with true Christianity, yet Christianity is not a religion of rejecting all feelings, but rather a religion that ennobles all feelings ( cry with weepers), he nevertheless caught the moment when sympathy was necessary, otherwise Faith would have fallen into despair. Paul read the pain of the Faith, despite its external aggression, and did what was in his power (embraced), since the verbosity is not his element.
Vera cried for some more time, and then apologized for excessive emotionality. Pasha said: "I understand everything." By the time the kettle boiled. Vera refused tea and once again apologized for distracting from work. She said it was time for her and she had an urgent matter. She did not want to devote Paul any more to her experiences, as she realized that he was not able to share with her completely the agony of guilt that Faith voluntarily placed upon herself.
She went to the door and decided inside herself that she would go to the hospital and find a doctor who was directly involved in the death of Igor, whatever her cost; that she learns everything herself without any help. Pavel spent her, saying that she did not interfere, that everything was normal and had depicted an unusual smile of politeness on his face.
Paul was a man of rules and rarely did anything contrary to the opinions of the books he read. Vera sometimes argued with Paul in her youth, they studied at the same university at the Faculty of Religious Studies. True, Pasha did not finish it and left to study as a programmer, having decided that he took what he needed from religious studies.
One of their heated debates was something like this ...
-These books were written in the early years of the birth of Christianity, and you live in another time. In my opinion, much has changed since then, and the holy fathers often expressed their opinions about a particular moment, a person. If they lived in our time, they would probably have said otherwise for one reason or another. You can not blindly follow someone else's opinion. Even if it is the holy father. We must have our own flair of truth. Which was with Christ. For Christ, the truth was not a strict form, but changing with respect to time and people. Look how he broke the laws in the name of love. This is the essence of Christianity, - as always, Faith fervently expressed its thought.
-Alas. I can only refer to this a dozen quotations of the holy fathers, which are contrary to your ideas about Christ and the truth. Christ is not only love, but also a judge, and if you do not follow the rules and laws, then our fate is hell. I don't want to upset you. But I could tell you something else. But I will not argue, - Paul was the first to finish such dialogues and tried not to enter into conflicts. Faith is sometimes annoying. She was offended.
But each person is good in his own way and is it worth it to be offended at a person just because he does not justify your personal fantasies about yourself ?!
---
When Vera was already going to the hospital, although she didn’t even know exactly which one she needed and had to find out, she suddenly had another idea: to visit another mutual friend with Igor. Vera lived in a small town and could get to any of his points in half an hour or take a taxi in 5 minutes.

Chapter 7 "A city that does not exist."

 Vera decides to walk on foot to Anton, who also studied once with her at the Faculty of Religious Studies and knew Igor well.  She understood that Anton could bring her to the idea of ;;the reasons for such an unexpected decision of Igor, - to die from euthanasia.  And therefore I wanted to think over the questions that he would ask.
 Vera called Anton, so she would surely find her at home.  He was almost always in business and moved around the country at the speed of light.  This time, Vera was lucky.  Anton was at home and was ready to take it and answer all the questions.
 Vera walked along streets familiar from childhood, but which changed incredibly.  Overgrown with high-rise buildings like mushrooms, they did not delight the heart of the Faith as they once did.  But for a minute she remembered the forest where she walked in her childhood on the very spot where she was walking now and where the Shopping Center towered.
 Inside herself, Vera found a foothold, standing on which she felt peace.  Even before Igor's death, she always knew how to maintain inner harmony with herself and with the world around her in any situation.  She called it paradise, which is not somewhere in the clouds, but in the heart.  A paradise that can open to anyone who is looking for him.  But not many are looking for him.  And not many people work on themselves: they control the flow of their thoughts, desires, actions, words ... Not many people feel the difference between heaven and hell, and being constantly in a fuss, anxiety, worries, despondency, do not notice how they lost paradise inside, and  content with inner hell.  Hell, which can become an eternity, if you do not begin to change yourself and your life.
 Vera was aware of what hell was in, absorbed in grief, and she wanted to escape from her own captivity, to stop being a slave to her gloom.  To gain freedom.  For a moment she succeeded, but the gray reality did not allow her to become free to the end.  Reality has shrouded Faith as a web.  The reality was too far from the memories of her childhood.
 There are almost no trees left.  Only two or three were enclosed with a fence, like the memory of a magnificent forest that was here once.  The state did not care about nature conservation.  It gave land for the construction of those who paid more.  By 2029, the hometown of the Faith has changed beyond recognition.  And Vera was not happy: neither the modernity of the facade of buildings, nor bright advertising, nor the light of the night city.  But she knew how to notice the good in the rare thing left of her childhood: in rare trees and in the bright sun, as well as good in the same rare decent, kind people.  She missed the silence.  And around there were only cars, buildings and dust roads.
 She did not manage to think in the midst of this fuss, and at every step there were acquaintances.  Vera greeted someone with a wide-open smile.  She looked at someone with sadness and regret.  Most of all in life, Faith could not bear the hypocrisy.  She would never smile to someone she did not respect.
 She first met a woman of good looks.  Slim, fragile outside, strong inside.  She was truly a modern woman, on which the family rested.  She worked, kept the children, and her husband sat with them at home.  Vera smiled at her and asked: "Hello! How are the children? How are you?", They talked for three minutes and went their separate ways.
 The second woman who met Vera on the way was also beautiful and beautiful in her own way, with a big soul ... Her family was a rare and pleasant exception from those families who in 2029 were just for the sake of status in society.  Vera often saw her with children.  Full of dedication, she gave them love.  Even more often saw her together with her husband and children.  Despite the long life together, the doves were sitting on a bench and looking at the children and at each other ... And no less often, Vera saw one husband walking with children.  He was the real father and head of the family.  Strong and gentle at the same time.  Vera was happy looking at such a family and understood that she was watching science fiction rather than reality.  Because  they were among 1000 of those ostentatious families that were harshly harsh.
 Vera greeted and smiled, having asked in detail how are things with a good friend.The third woman, who also met Vera that day, was incredibly beautiful and intelligent.  Woman of the future.  Woman is space.  She had her own business and knew how to live in this difficult world, effortlessly, making efforts and getting maximum returns in terms of money and soul.  But with Vera, they were close once upon a time, and now they are left in some understatement and misunderstanding.  Vera nodded her head and passed without stopping.  Inside herself, Vera experienced pain.  Her heart sank whenever she met no love, arrogance, malice, envy, or condemnation.  She wanted to love everyone, but life is too complicated to embody the main commandment of Christ.  And if there is no love in the heart, then pain and tears come to this place.  In any case, it was so in the children's heart of Faith.  She has never had plans for revenge and other things that people are "adults" and experienced - tweaking at a convenient time to substitute the bandwagon to their enemy when he does not expect this.  With time, Vera forgot her offenses, but she could never be a hypocrite.
 Finally, she went to the brick high-rise building, saw three pigeons at the entrance, pulled out a loaf from her purse, which she had seized for lunch and she crammed for them.  For one more moment, I was glad that not everything is ruined in this world, if there are such beautiful winged creatures, an image of meekness and humility, ready to communicate with people, eat what they throw at their feet and rise again to heaven, without losing  this freedom.
 But after a second, Vera was again serious and was heading for Anton’s apartment.

Chapter 8 "The bitter truth or the cause of Igor's death" (from the author)

 It would seem that the riddle of Igor’s illness and death lay under Vera’s feet like a pigeon thrown into bread, but she would never, even internally, begin to condemn a friend in his way of life, let alone link death to the actions of the person himself.  Her way of thinking was rather New Testament: "He did not sin, but the illness came, so that the glory and love of God would appear and save him."  In the views of the Faith everything was exactly as it should be.  The miraculous healing of the sick and the all-inclusive love of God.  Friends can not be bad.  Even if they are wrong, Vera would follow another to fire and water and prove his innocence.  And God, in her conception, cannot be a judge, sending sickness to sinners.  God is only love.  But Vera forgot one moment: a person has freedom and chooses his own way.  Disease is a consequence, not a punishment, and God has nothing to do with it.  If millions of people choose hell, then God does not cease to be love.  He is always the same.  But people themselves consciously choose sins and death, not eternal life.
 Moreover, Vera could not imagine what state Igor was in to decide on euthanasia, that is, voluntarily part with the life given by God and thus commit almost suicide.  But it is precisely the last state and the choice of a person before death that affect his further eternal fate.  Of course, Igor could, at the last second, think about life and repent of something, before he was given a shot of death.  But this is already known to God alone.
 Igor led a lecherous lifestyle: promiscuity, prostitutes, and so on and so forth.  Of course, his family kept the secret that the disease was a consequence of lifestyle.  His disease was AIDS.  And the decision on euthanasia is the weakness inherent in the majority of men of the future.  Having become weaker sex, men did not commit acts, but ran away from responsibility and life itself.  Faith would never have been able to recognize this bitter truth about Igor, she was looking for the guilty.  She was looking for the truth that would suit her taste.

Chapter 9 "Man and Woman of the Future"

 When Vera took the elevator to Anton, she understood that it was her last hope to get to the truth about the death of Igor.  Of course, she could still visit the children of Igor.  All of them were adults and could well tell the Faith something important.  But, the obvious fact was that the children about Igor, alas, and maybe fortunately, knew absolutely nothing.  He was never interested in them, and they were not interested in him.  And there was no need and no meaning.  They were from different women and these women also knew nothing about Igor.  After all, they did IVF (in vitro fertilization, that is, fertilization outside the body), and did not want to know anything about the owner of the bio-material, except for the possible genetic consequences in the development of the fetus.  And Igor’s only child from his first wife — he also knew nothing about his father.  Tk Igor soon married another and turned over the past like a sheet from a book with a child.  And his first wife did not need any help, and even more so that Igor showed any care for the child.  She fell in love with him in his youth and then, recognizing him as a person, was grateful that he at least disappeared, rather than something more.  And he disappeared and never remembered the first wife.  However, he didn’t remember the second one for a long time, and he divorced from the second one soon.  This was not surprising for the people of 2029.  These were typical relationships of men and women, fathers and children.  And Igor was a typical representative of his time.  Of course, there were exceptions to the rule, but still most of the men and women were just that: irresponsible weak men and strong responsible women.

 Who is he ?!  The man of the future?  Most of those men who were in 2029 ... A man who withdrew all responsibility for actions and deeds.  A limp creature subject only to his passions and lusts.Such a man does not seek to create a family, except for a hypocritical status in society, continuing with his stamp in the passport his prodigal adventures.  He is busy making money on his own and to pay prostitutes.  He is interested only in personal well-being.  Infantile.  He is not responsible for his children, because the child himself is still conscious.  He is passionate about his ego, considers himself the center of the earth.  She is proud of her numerous prodigal connections and has lost their count.  He does not shun a couple of times a month to surrender his bio-material so that strong women can do IVF and, to their great happiness, have nothing in common with such a person, except for genetics.  And fortunately, genetics is not only a father, but also that long way of blood from Adam to our days, with all its beauty and mystery.
 Strong women did, not wanting to link their lives with moral monsters.
 Who is she ?!  A woman of the future ... In truth, a woman became the only hope of humanity for love and morality.  TK women had a sense of responsibility for their actions and were beautiful on the outside and inside.  Women took over all professions and their role in society became more and more dominant.  Many were presidents and headed by large companies.  At the same time, men slowly faded into the background and became subordinates.  Most of the women were incredibly beautiful.  Supported the figure, led a healthy lifestyle.  And most importantly - they raised a new generation.  It was in the hands of women that the future of mankind was, only they knew the word "responsibility".  They have become truly strong sex and it depends on them what people will be in another hundred years.
 Vera was such a woman, but she would never admit to herself that she was more than just a mother.  Vera was gentle and humble.  She did not condemn anyone and tried not to notice the shortcomings of others.  In Igor she observed many virtues, loved him as a brother, and the only thing for which she lacked humility was to recognize his death as the result of a wild life, and not the mistake of the Universe.
 Vera pressed the doorbell and was determined to find out the whole truth from Anton.  Only Anton could know a little more than Igor’s other friends.  Although Igor had many friends.  But only Anton from his youth had a spiritual relationship with Igor.

Chapter 10 "Such Different People and Such Different Religions"

 Anton opened the door wide for Vera, with an understanding look, and instead of a greeting, he also opened his arms wide.  Vera embraced Anton in a friendly way and as a sign that they are experiencing the loss of a good friend together and need to support each other at this not an easy time.  Anton spent Faith in a large living room, lined with Buddhist symbolic objects: Tibetan drum, copper plates, beads for reading mantras, and many others, in the center of the room hung a Buddhist medieval icon.  Faith did not peer at the icon and never attached much importance to Anton’s religiosity.  She always tried to evaluate people by their actions, attitudes towards themselves and others.  Especially now her eyes did not even stop at any subject, but only in the eyes of Anton, expressing love and compassion.  She knew many Orthodox who did not comply with the commandments of Christ;  she knew many atheists who lived godly according to the laws of conscience;  she knew many religious people of different creeds and each was a good or bad person outside of their own ideas about God.  Therefore, she did not divide people into “hers” and “strangers,” although she herself believed in Christ with all her heart.  She, Igor, Pavel and Anton all together studied at the Faculty of Religious Studies and since  all religions were studied there, and the guys came together completely different in outlook.  Anton considered himself a Buddhist, knew a lot about Buddhism, often argued that all feelings and emotions only prevent a person from going to nirvana.  "Joy and sadness, good and evil, love and hate - all this is equally not important for eternity. All this is ultimately suffering," Anton told friends, but he was far from being such a peaceful non-emotional person.  On the contrary, it seemed to radiate constantly joy and love.  And Anton fell in love very often and then his friends recalled his own quote to him.  Anton walked radiant from his love and to the ridicule of friends also ironically replied: “Buddhism calls us to nirvana, and even the Buddha himself didn’t know what nirvana is and didn’t give a definition.  Maybe I have already reached the highest degree, and you are laughing, "and he himself laughed at the same time.  Faith seriously “defended” comrades: “The main thing is that you are a good man, Anton!”
 Igor and Anton were closer in spirit than with Pasha.  Both were with a sense of humor, funny, active in life and easily found a common language.  But Igor could, in principle, find a common language with any person.  Igor was the soul of the company, sociable and therefore his friends were so different.  Igor, too, was joking with Anton, comparing with Pavel, who always seemed to be in some kind of insensible nirvana, although he had hit entirely into Orthodoxy.  Igor said: "You would have to be taken, but swapped in places, that is, in bodies. An excellent Buddhist would come out of Pasha, really an icon for imitation, and an active Christian, an apostle of love, from Anton."
 In life, a believer does not always follow his faith, and often people engage in self-deception, identifying themselves to one religion or another.  After all, the only indicator of what you believe is your deeds.  But who were Pasha, Anton, Igor and Vera - only God can see.

 Vera sat in a chair that stood in the corner of the room, and Anton in a rocking chair next to the window.  Anton seemed to be illuminated outside the sun and inside with his soul, ready to tell everything that was needed to alleviate the suffering of the Faith.
 “You certainly understand why I am here,” Vera began to fight right away.  Without prefaces, to the point.
 “Yes, of course, Vera”, Anton answered with great participation, stopping to sway and looking into Vera’s eyes.
 -I need to know what really happened to Igor.  I do not believe that he himself agreed to euthanasia.  And that no one even tried to dissuade him, or no one motivated him.  Did this world stop in indifference and the man left it unnoticed by itself.  As if he had laid hands on himself, and everyone around was completely indifferent ...
 -I am one of the few who discouraged him.Though I am a Buddhist, and I know that this life is only the wheel of samsara, and in front of it there is a rebirth in a new form, but first you need to be a friend, not a fanatic of your convictions, - Anton got up and approached the chair of Vera, squeezing  palm - Vera!  How could you think that I would leave a friend in need!  Of course, I did my best to change his mind!  I was ready to pay him the treatment, and to support, you know, it is not difficult for me.

 Vera first heard what she wanted to hear, what she expected.  She mutually extended her second hand to Anton and also squeezed his hand tightly, looking deep into the eyes, into the very heart.  She finally saw a like-minded person, even though they were different religions.  True believers and good people get to know each other by their actions, not their convictions.

Chapter 11 "A Cunning Lovely and an Inexperienced Soul"

 While Vera was trying to find the truth in the world of lies, injustice, hypocrisy and immorality, Nadia became, by chance, shrouded in this world, by inexperience, taking black for white.
 She went to college after school and someone called her: "Nadia!"  She turned around and saw in front of her a young guy, older than her, beautiful and neat, dressed in the latest fashion.  A strange symbol hung around his neck, but Nadia did not attach importance to him.  As soon as her eyes focused on the mysterious stranger, as she was already in love.  Her young soul still did not know how her appearance is deceptive.
 - Do we know each other?  - asked Nadia, looking into the eyes of a young man.
 - Nearly.  My friends said that you know the music well, - the guy threw his hair back with his hand, it was medium in length and the fringe slightly hung over his eyes - but I need to write something for a festive performance on a freshman day.  Well, like, you are so young, and we will tell you what and how here.  Like, now we will teach.  But only in the song.  So cooler.  And I understand, I have already promised that there will be a super song from our faculty!  And you know, I don’t rummage at all.  Seriously!  Do not laugh!
 Nadia really began to laugh.  She really liked the monologue of the guy and seemed funny.  She was ready to help him in anything.  Especially because in fact well versed in music.
 - Well, I do not know ... I certainly can try to help.  But I'm not sure that everything will work out.  I don’t promise, ”Nadia answered embarrassed, already hiding her eyes from the guy.
 - I'm sure you will succeed.  I have been told so much about you!  You're a genius!  You see.  Well, type, so cool!
 -Okay.  Good.  I just got rid of classes.  I can even now scribble chords and words for you, and you can practice it yourself.
 - Uh, no.  You understand, I do not rummage at all.  For me, these chords are like Japanese characters.  Do you have a guitar?  You sing it right away, and I'll take a video.  That would be better.  Rather so.  You write down the soundtrack for me, and we will find someone to open his mouth there.  Just now we will go to you.  And then later, it is not known what will happen.  I used to take the ram by the horns.  Or as they say.

 Nadia listened to the guy, smiled, embarrassed and fell in love more and more.  Although still did not even know his name.  She was ready to really go with him to her house and record the soundtrack.  Or go where he asks.  Anywhere.

 -I dont know.  But if you ask so.
 -Yes Yes!  I ask!  Do you want to get on my knees ?!  It is not difficult for me, - the guy began to get up on one knee, but Nadya stopped him.
 -Do not.  I'll do everything.

 The guy was very pleased with himself and smiled in his mouth.  But his eyes sparkled with a cunning and evil spark.  Nadya did not notice this.  She thought at that moment that his eyes were the sweetest in the whole world.
 They quickly walked out of college.  The guy danced a little and went on to say something completely stupid and ridiculous.  And Nadia listened, opening her mouth and believing everything, like a child.  However, she was a child.  They got into the minibus and drove in the direction of the house of Nadi.

 How can the soul of a teenager be naive?  And the slightest oversight of parents entails irreversible consequences.  14 - 16 years old - this is the most tender age, requiring constant attention of adults.  On the other hand, the adolescent, as it were, demands independence and freedom, but in fact, he needs friendship and love of his parents even more.  It is difficult to find a common language with a teenager, but few parents try to do this.  And if you make an effort, you can become a best friend, adviser and have the confidence of the child.  But in no case can not leave him alone with him for a long time.  A teenager, seeing the parents' misunderstanding or aggression in their address, indifference, will look for love where it cannot be at all.  He will find pain and disappointment.  Love your children and talk more heart to heart with them.  And Vera was just such a mother.  She was Nadia's best friend.  But no one is immune from mistakes.  Even ideal parents.

 Vera was too busy with her business about Igor's death, she forgot to call her daughter.  Ask how her day went.  Is everything good with her?  And if she did, then perhaps Nadia would tell her that she is taking a new friend home to help with the music.  But it was too late ...

Chapter 12 "Unity of Opposites"

 While Nadia was keen on helping to create music for a new acquaintance, Vera continued to have a dialogue with Anton.  It was a dialogue of empathy, love and light sadness.

 Anton was tall, with blue eyes and well shaved hair.  His smile was almost always wide open with flawlessly white teeth.  He gave his smile to almost everyone who surrounded him, as well as random passers-by on the street.  But now, sharing the pain of the Faith, and himself worrying about Igor’s death, his eyes were becoming wet and it seemed that a tear would appear from them.
 If Anton and Vera were of the same religion, then perhaps now they would pray together in the lap of God for the rest of Igor's soul.  But the invisible thing that bound them now was, in itself, a prayer of love.  Each of them experienced the same feeling, but in a slightly different way.
 Death opens people the door to eternity and anyone who is involved in the grief of the loss of a loved one, feels life itself a little thinner, understands its transience, the earthiness fury and the infinity of spirit.  Vera and Igor stood at the very door in front of the Invisible God.
 The relationship of Anton and Faith was not always so cloudless, unanimous, as in this hour.  Vera and Anton used to try to lead each other to their religion.  But all these disputes were more peaceful than evil.  If a person is not fanatical, what is fanatical with that is rather a character trait of a weak person than a direct resultant from religion, religion itself is not a fanatical substance.  It is done by such individuals, he will always listen with respect to the opinion of the other, without interrupting, without shouting and any aggression.  If a person is mature, then he is able to understand the other and accept a world that is too diverse to be just black and white.
 During the lunch break between couples, Vera, while studying at the Faculty of Religious Studies, sat at a table in the canteen and spoke to Anton with a friendly smile, while he listened attentively, but did not agree, but waited for a pause in Vera's monologue to respond.
 “I am not inclined to think that all religions are about one thing,” said Vera, and at the same time bit off a sour cream, “and in all religions is the same God, only His names are different — no!  On the contrary, all religions are completely different.  And you see it when we study them.  In addition, each religion offers its own path of morality and salvation.  One religion states: "an eye for an eye!", Another says: "Who hit you on one cheek, turn on the other."  And there is a religion that has the highest degree of morality in the proposed teaching.  This is the path of love and forgiveness.  Christianity!  But the trouble is that not every Christian follows this path, but only at the word confesses Christ.  Thus, even an atheist may be closer to God, if his actions testify to truth and love.  But everyone is on his step from God and it is not known at what step I or you.  Now, I’m serious now, this is my personal opinion, but you, Anton, are a good Christian, although you don’t admit to yourself.  Well, it is not necessary.  You are humble.  You think that you are a Buddhist - well ... But you observe, without knowing it, the main laws of love.  You will not pass by the person who asks for help, you will transfer the old woman across the road, and how many times we helped people together!  Anton, well, you should just admit to yourself that Christianity is your element.  This is some kind of self-deception.
 Anton finally waited for Vera to finish, and began to express her thoughts too.
 -Dear Verochka! You idealize me.  I am not a good Christian.  And I'm not a good Buddhist.  I am an ordinary person and do what normal people are supposed to do when they are asked for help.  The problem of our world is that we have lost the habit of normal behavior.  We see them as saints.  I only act as my conscience dictates.  No more.  This is nothing special.  If a person is something different from an animal, then he should behave himself, but that does not make him holy or anything else.  And religion is another question.  Everyone has the right to believe in what he likes.  Nobody can argue with him here.Tk is already a question not of logic, but of taste.  Buddhism is my taste.  I like him.

 Such disputes could go on forever, but the main thing was that they had mutual respect and even invisible love.  Love is supreme, not sexual.  And therefore, now, worrying about the death of Igor, they were one spirit in contact with the threshold of eternity.  The dialogue between them was now about death, but nevertheless everyone understood that there is no death, but only an unknown and mysterious eternity, as well as a world that is mired in lies and does not tolerate truth.
 -If I knew about his illness and about the upcoming choice, I would dissuade him.  But I knew nothing
 -This we will not be able to find out.  But surely you would have a chance.  The one that was with me, and I apparently did not use it well, even though I tried.  I still blame myself.  Perhaps I did not find the right words.  I spoke some kind of nonsense.  I already understand this.  The fact that he thought about his mother that she would be hurt.  It was necessary to speak without reproach, without a shadow of condemnation, but only with love.  With love alone.  With love for him and for life.  To tell him how beautiful life is and we must live every day with pleasure.  Offer him horseback riding training, ride to other countries, learn to surf.  Yes, a lot of things could have been told to him - Anton still could not hold back a tear, and she rolled down her cheek and fell on Vera’s knee.
 - You are absolutely right.  Right now, everything has been said, ”said Vera, also not hiding tears,“ and probably we are all to blame.  And you, and me, and this fucking state, this world.  Cruel world.  And alas, I can not see him in the rainbow light any more, as I did not try by the effort of will.  And the doctor who gave him a paper and a pen in his hands so that he would sign his death sentence about euthanasia ... Now this doctor must be counting the money of the next prize, he fulfilled the plan set by the state.  I will go to him.  Look in the eyes of this killer.
 - I'll go with you.  Required.
 “Sorry, but I don't want to get you involved.”  I need only the address of the hospital and the name of the doctor.  I will be very grateful to you for this information.  And thank you very much for the support.  I heard what gave me the strength to act further.  But I will do everything myself.

 Anton without repeated requests from Vera, without hesitation, wrote on a piece of paper the address of the hospital and the name of the doctor.  They parted, holding each other tightly and then shaking hands.  Then, Vera immediately went to the hospital.

chapter 13 "About people who have everything but the main thing"
 (I dedicate this chapter to my Latin teacher at the University of Y. Alabugina, which I deeply respect. Kingdom of Heaven, RB Julia)


 Vera quickly ran out of Anton's house, her long golden hair was developing in the wind and now seemed wings of truth, which carried Faith forward to the speediest triumph of justice.  It was as if right now that what was disturbing her all day should be resolved and there was no turning back, only forward and as soon as possible.  She needed to get to the hospital by all means and find a doctor who would reveal to her the truth about the death of Igor.  And in her hands were all the cards, she clenched in a fist a piece of paper with the address and name of the doctor, which Anton gave her.
 Vera quickly caught a taxi, the driver asked: "Where are we going ?!".  She unfolded a piece of paper and spoke the address of the hospital.  An entire speech was already spinning in Vera's head, which she should give to the doctor.  And she had no doubt that everything would work out.  At the same time, she read the Jesus prayer to herself: “Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us. Amen.” This prayer was a constant thought in the heart of Faith, even when she was solving important things or when she was doing something simple, the cherished words were not  left her.  She learned this prayer a long time ago.  First she uttered her rosary, with attention and reasoning, uttering every word to herself, then without the rosary, the prayer was with her, and the Lord, who always knocks on our hearts, and enters when the doors are opened to Him ...
 Taxi rode not as fast as I would like Vera, getting into traffic jams.  But Vera was calm, reading a prayer and preparing a speech.  She thought that it would be nice to give the doctor a winged Latin expression that she knew from the time she studied in the Department of Religious Studies, where they studied, like the Latin physicians.
 "The doctor must understand Latin and my speech will not look rude if I start with this expression. We will, so to speak, find the ground for a start and find a common language," thought Vera.  And then she repeated: "Lord, have mercy!"
 Vera found the right words in her memory: "Aditum nocendi perfido praestat fides," which translates: "The trust placed in the perfidious gives him the opportunity to harm."  She twice said to herself in Latin this popular expression and then thought about Igor: “My poor Igor, you trusted this doctor, but the world is cruel, and euthanasia is just making money in our 2029. Why did you not trust me? I would save  you ... But they just wanted to make money on it. But you left quietly and you could not hear, you didn’t want evil to anyone, oh no. Decipi quam fallere est tutius. Yes, it’s better to be deceived than to deceive the other.  "Although justice is strong in itself. It is within us. Aequitas enim lucet per se."
 Vera remembered many other catch phrases, but, as often happens, she was nervous before the closed door and the unknown, forgot all the eloquence.
 She was already standing at the door of the office with a beautiful sign: "Doctor Mikhail Mikhailovich Podletsky."  Nearby were two diplomas about the different merits of the doctor.  Vera looked at the tablet and for the first time realized how much the last name reflects the essence of this person.
 She did not boldly knock, but entered as if her heart was not pounding in her chest.  She entered abruptly, slightly throwing her hair back with one hand.

 “What you need, woman, today is not a reception day,” said a big fat face, not taking her eyes off the table, on which were some important papers.
 -I need the truth about Igor.  Want a bribe?  Good.  I will give you everything that is necessary in such cases: brandy, candy, money.  Although I do not really understand, because I had never paid a bribe before.  But then you probably understand this, - Vera began to attack right away.  Alas, she was not one of those who are hypocritical.  But in order to achieve their goal, people often begin to say opposite to pleasant things to the interlocutor.  It was necessary to locate the doctor first.  But Faith did not know how, and did not want to do.
 -I have everything, do not bother.And I do not need anything, I also have enough money, - calmly, barely raising his head, the doctor said, looking frowningly at Vera, assessing the situation from the bottom up and at the same time examining Vera's clothes, also evaluating it for high prices.  The doctor knew a lot about expensive things and met people, as they say, by their clothes.  Vera dressed modestly, but with taste.  The doctor immediately concluded that she was not particularly rich.
 Vera was puzzled by the answer Podletsky.  She did not find what to answer for a second.  But the constant inner prayer, has given way to her thoughts and answers.
 -Do you have everything ?!  But there is no one!  - Vera reddened loudly answered - You have no soul!  Otherwise you would not be engaged in euthanasia.
 The doctor was not embarrassed by what Vera said.  But he got up and began to pace around the office, as if explaining between cases, to an “not quite smart” opponent, the goal of his work, descending on a meeting, doing a favor.
 - Whether, madam, we help people at will.  They are even grateful to us.  Native patients even send me flowers, write touching letters, and as you said: cognac, sweets ... For the fact that we deprived a person of his burden and pain.  And relatives - daily flour.  You have no idea how hard it is for them to look at how they are extinguished are close day after day, but they cannot do anything.  And we can.  And do.  And this is the only thing that is possible in such situations.  When a person is incurably sick, - the doctor began to cough when he delivered his speech, as if he were choking on his hypocrisy and lies.  Of course he was given bribes, and quite large, so that he deprived people of life.  And the state did not badly sponsor euthanasia, because the sick were not able to pay taxes and were not beneficial to the authorities.
 Once again, after the long speech of the doctor, Vera repeated: “There is no soul ...” And there was a minute pause.  The doctor coughed and tried to pour himself water to soak his throat.
 When Vera uttered the word "soul," the doctor rolled her eyes, as if remembering something unfamiliar.  He almost reproached himself with an inner voice for the fact that for the last 10 years he had forgotten this simple word and had been engaged in euthanasia more for earnings than for something else.  This case was put on his stream.  It is unlikely that he would have remembered Igor’s face after the name spoken by Vera.  Whenever he injected a lethal injection, he did not feel any feelings: neither pity, nor grief, nor even the approval of his act.  He just did his job.
 Having washed down all the same water, he stopped coughing and the second remorse was replaced by a smile of superiority, an understanding of his position in society and his wealth.  He broke off his thoughts and remembered the numerous diplomas that were hanging here, too, in the study.  He gave them a quick glance, stopping at the photographs in the frame where the president shakes his hand.  His heart felt warm and comfortable.  Then he looked at Vera.  In the meantime, she was ready for a new attack and the discovery of truth in that ocean of lies, in which the doctor had long been drowned.
 "Is fecit cui prodest," said Vera, firmly and with an expression.
 “He made the one who benefits,” as if translating out loud, Dr. Vera answered, stressing that he still remembers Latin and taught him some time ago in honey.  Institute winged phrases.  He remembered how in his youth, in the first year, his heart was burning with the desire to heal people and help them.  He recalled hundreds of successful operations that he did later, when he literally pulled people from the dead.  He was once again proud of himself.  And I also thought that since then, he just matured and should do what he does.  He does not have to be a sentimental fool, as Vera wants to see him.
 The doctor really was once a good person.  Many admired, thanked and that is a fact.  He did not take away from the biography of Podletsky.  But human life does not always lead from the worst to the best development of his personality as a whole, not always from evil to good.  Sometimes the opposite.  Depending on how a person works on his soul.  People change.  They change their goals and even cease to notice that another person lives instead of them.  They forget about the meaning of life.Their biological twin already exists separately from the meaning, and the soul itself acquires new properties.  Previously, they were kind, now evil.  But as long as a person is alive, he can still change as much as he wants in the opposite direction, if he wants.  No one can put a cross and condemn.  We do not know what kind of person will be tomorrow.  In this regard, Vera acted badly, condemning the doctor, but she could not do otherwise.  Her straightforwardness was a natural character trait.
 Vera condemned the doctor in her heart.  She was bitter to look at the doctor, she saw in him only the executioner and the killer of her best friend.  She saw a man who makes money from death.  A proud man who never admits his mistakes sees himself as good and decent.  And in Christian culture, a proud man compare Satan, even if he is perfectly righteous, maybe Satan is incorporeal, does not do anything essentially bad, but imagines himself to be the best of God.
 Vera once again pierced Poletsky in the face and did not find there a drop of remorse or regret, nothing that was peculiar to her, looked at him as an alien and alien creature, finally realized that further conversation had no meaning and  A common language is not found and cannot be found in principle, because any language reflects first of all the soul, and not only familiar adverbs.  "She and the doctor are foreigners in the same city and country," Vera concluded for herself internally.
 The doctor continued to smile mischievously, looking at the hot Vera, who wanted to hear the truth.  Vera realized that she would not hear the truth from the liar, but she made the last attempt to reach the heart of Podletsky, and this attempt was in vain.
- Probably, you think that money is the most important and important ... And imagine that your closest person, not the patient, is very sick and the only surgeon who performs the necessary surgery to save is still in Moscow today, and tomorrow  flies to London.  You are rich, you have more than one million rubles in your bank account, but today is not a working day for withdrawing funds from your account.  And there is nobody to borrow at least until tomorrow.  Because you have no friends.  And so, your loved one is dying ... And why do you need this money then ?!  Will they warm your soul?  Here is the answer.  There is nothing more important than human relations.  If they have a relationship, then the rest will follow.  And neither love nor friendship will add to the money.  I'm probably not very convincing, I see my monologue was not impressed.  Are you laughing ...
 - Sorry, I just thought this ... As a variant of the moral of your fable.  You need to keep money in a safe bank.  And not in the one that has no special business days.  And besides, you yourself said, I have no soul.  Why ask if something will warm her ?!  - The doctor smiled wryly and continued - I am very sorry that you lost your friend.  I sympathize.  But I have nothing more to say to you.
 “And I have nothing more to say to you.”  I will leave, but your conscience will remain with you.  From her you can not escape anywhere.
 The doctor stood, stretching a smile of contempt and superiority on his face.  Wicked smile inherent scoundrels.  They are always funny for the time being.  But he laughs who laughs last.
 Vera left, slamming the door.  It seemed to the doctor that she was weak.  But Vera had big plans ahead.  She did not give up at all.  Everything was just beginning.  Igor was no longer to return.  But someone who was still alive needed help ...

Chapter 14 "Maternal Heart"

 Vera, having left the doctor's office, suddenly felt a pressing pain in her chest.  Her motherly heart told: "Something happened to Nadya!".  She first remembered that she had forgotten to call her daughter after finishing her studies, to find out if everything was alright, as she usually does.  She dialed Nadia, but there was no answer.  Vera caught a taxi and rushed home.  The bitterness about the death of Igor did not leave her.  But there was something that becomes more important than any problem at the Universal level when your children appear.  This feeling of responsibility for one single person who calls you: "Mom!" - even if he is already a teenager.  This age even more so requires care and love, although outwardly it is contradictory in its alienated disposition.  On the way home, Vera blamed herself internally for the fact that she had never thought of her daughter all day, but was engaged in restoring justice.  "No matter how beautiful and important the purpose of your business is, it fades before the possible danger that may threaten your child. And the mother is primarily responsible to God not for the whole world, but for herself and her child," Vera thought now  .  She imagined in her mind the terrible events that could happen at that moment with Nadia.
 Women, in pursuit of the status of "the powerful of this world," sometimes dull their feelings, their true purpose, given to them by nature.  However, women of the future never forgot about their children and skillfully combined maternal debt and high positions at work.
 "And why do I need the whole world if you don’t have it in you," said Vera to herself, imagining how something had happened to Nadia.
 She tried not to think about Igor's death anymore.  Because today she would definitely not be able to do anything.  No, she did not throw away her goal of justice, but only postponed it until a better time.  Rejecting in the end the effort of will all bad thoughts, she tried to think about the good.  The filtration of thoughts was her talent.  In any situation, she always knew how to find a point of good, clinging to which her heart became easy and calm.  Such work on herself always gave her a sense of lightness and happiness.
 Vera imagined that Nadi just had a battery on the phone, they would soon meet at home, she would ask how her academic progress, whether she needed help with something, they would talk heart to heart.
 Belief unexpectedly became calm at this thought, although she made a great inner effort, tuned in like a radio to the necessary wave.  She remembered how she played with little Nadya at home 24 hours a day, giving all of herself to the love and care of her daughter.
 She specially and intentionally arranged her life so as not to give her daughter to the kindergarten, she believed that kindergarten is only a trauma for the child, for the rest of her life, torn out like a tooth without anesthesia and anesthetic from the nest of love to be torn apart by society.  She once worked for a long time as an educator, and saw the eyes of children who miss mothers, suffering, traumatized mentally, helpless before violent at times educators, raising their voices without reason every now and then.  She then kept these eyes in her memory for a long time and did everything so that Nadi’s eyes never looked like those eyes.
 Vera was already not far from home, and more and more silence fell in her heart from the memories of Nadia’s childhood.  And outside the car window there was a gray, gloomy city, without trees, without greenery, without butterflies and birds.  This all really lacked faith.  The city of the future had a big abyss with the city in which Vera grew.  And the hot summer outwardly almost did not differ from the winter.  All the same gray buildings, only a glimpse of the smiling sun could please the soul of Vera sometimes.  But now it was evening and the only thing that could please is the control of one's own thoughts and feelings in the mind.
 Vera once again dialed Nadi’s phone number, but she abruptly disconnected.  Vera did not panic a second time, she again and again recalled pleasant episodes from the past.Faith recalled how she found work at home, how she worked with the child, taught her music, alphabet, mathematics, and by the age of two Nadia already knew the entire alphabet.  And not inferior in anything peers for development.  And later her theory of upbringing "Creative Personality" passed into practice and gave great results.  Nadia grew and became smarter, more interesting and in many respects.  She really became the very creative person who used to be just a theory of the education of the Faith.  A theory made out of love.  This theory said that the child should not be punished, but only explained.  You can not raise your voice and speak gently.  Fulfill all the desires of the child and that he felt loved.  Vera did not want to raise a slave who fulfilled orders.  She patiently waited for reciprocal love in return for the warmth given away.  And she wanted Nadia to grow as a leader in the future, and not a pawn in someone else's strategy.
 Vera was getting closer to home — to the place of her happiness, where all the worries were to go out completely.  The house is a fortress from all the adversities of the world.  The place where happiness, which the Faith was always inside, materializes one hundred percent.
 Vera recalled one of the cozy days spent at home with her daughter.  It was winter that day and they did not go outside, fearing frost.  Vera ordered pizza, she and Nadia played hide and seek.  Remembering this day, Vera smiled, because she was really happy then.  But no matter how hard a person tries to control the course of his thoughts, there is something over which he has no power.  Some negative thoughts come to us as if from the outside.  The Orthodox holy fathers say that they are demons and we are not able to completely dismiss these thoughts, but we can deny them by saying: "This is not mine."  Faith practiced such advice of the holy fathers.  Now her smile was ambiguous, a little pained by the experiences of the past day.  Tears suddenly came back from her eyes.  In his mind, as if still alive, as Igor stood yesterday.  And was it possible to erase such a shock from the memory?  The news of the death of a man who yesterday shone with the bright light of his positive energy.  Vera did not even try to do this.  She gave up her tears and gave way to emotions.  It even seemed to her that Igor himself warned her to run home more quickly.  The car just drove up to the house.  Vera ran out the bullet, throwing money on the front seat of the taxi driver, and forgot to ask for change.  After a few seconds, she nervously turned the key in the doorway and heard an unfamiliar voice along with the voice of her daughter.

Chapter 15 "Of Chastity"

 Vera opened the door and saw Nadia.  Live, healthy, in a good mood.  For a moment, Vera breathed a sigh of relief and thought: "She did."  Nadi's mood was not just good, but somewhat intoxicated with a feeling of love.  Nothing bad happened at first sight in the house.  But there was something that is unacceptable for adolescence.  Nadya was alone with a stranger young man whom she first saw tonight and who had time to charm her so much that she fell into her complete trust.  There are things that are good only at certain times.  For example, an apple grows on a tree, it is sour and not ripe.  But when his time comes, it will turn red and itself will fall under its weight.  So is love.  In adolescence, love cannot bring happiness.  It will destroy the child, his psyche, his will and mind.  Vera understood all this quite well and wished Nadya only goodness and happiness, so she could not allow her child to fall into the maelstrom of love ahead of time and drown in it.  After a sigh of relief, Vera was ready to fight the stranger, but first she studied him externally and internally.
 Nadia talked pleasantly with the young man, looking into his eyes as the monks looked at the icon of the Savior.  At first, she did not even notice that her mother had returned home.  Her phone was on vibration.  Of course, she heard mom's calls, but decided that everything except the guy now has the least significance and distracts from the main thing.
 Finally, the sweet couple paid attention to Vera, and an alarming silence hung in the air for a few seconds.  Vera looked at the guy, her locket immediately struck her.  He was in the form of a bird with only a ragged wing.  When Vera studied at the Faculty of Religious Studies, they, among other things, passed through all the sects that exist in the modern world.  In 2029 there was a sect in which young people were looking for a victim in the form of a virgin.  In order to make this sacrifice to Satan.  Most often, one of them seduced the girl and brought the others, later there was gang violence, sometimes ending in murder.  Adepts of the sect wore on the neck just such a sign, in the form of a bird with a torn wing.  But sometimes people could buy such a symbol without knowing its meaning for beauty.  Therefore, Vera paused before her attack, which burst outward.  In order to know for sure whether a guy was involved in this sect, it was necessary to look at the back of his head.  There should have been a tattoo on the neck in the form of the same symbol.  It looks like the couple really looked like doves in love, but whether it was anyway, it was necessary to find out.
 Vera has long tried to imagine how, for the first time, Nadya would introduce her to some boy.  She thought how it would be.  I thought how she should behave in such a situation.  Vera set herself up positively and was preparing to be as reticent as possible and not to forget about her theory “Creative Personality”.  At the same time, she wanted to be sincere with her daughter and not hide the negative moments that unripe love entails in the tree of youth.  But could she imagine then that the guy would be an adherent of a terrible sect ?!
 - Hello Young man!  Hi Nadya!  Sorry to distract you, young people, I see, they did not expect me.  But I will disturb you for just a minute.  I will only meet your friend, Nadia, - began Vera, trying to choose phrases and be polite.
 Oh, very happy!  Nice to meet you mother, - the guy answered cheekily.
 -I'll steal a young man briefly to the kitchen.  Come, here, - Vera pointed to the kitchen.
 Vera stood and waited for the guy to go to the kitchen first, and she followed him to see the back of his head.
 the guy got up and obeyed, looking a little guiltily at the floor, maybe he felt that he was caught through.  As soon as Vera saw the tattoo, a shiver ran down her back.  Something suddenly blocked her mind and oxygen.  She flashed the eyes of a wild cat and went on the offensive.  She thought: "My theory about the creative person is good. But the guy at 14, and besides, an adept sect is an exception to the rule."Vera came in after the boy and closed the door behind her.  When the guy was left alone with Vera in the small kitchen, she felt the smell of narcotic herbs from him.  This explained his swagger.
 -Do you think I'm going to pour you tea and nice, polite talk, as with Nadia?
 -Okay, I did not count.  I...
 - Listen to me, I see through you.  I turned 40 yesterday.  Do you understand?  In addition, I have a higher education, department of religious studies.
 Yes, of course I understand, or not.  Sorry, not really.
 -My Nadia, if you even touch a finger, - here Vera pulled out a knife and showed him clearly what she would do to him, - I will kill you and not joke.  Get out, you won't appear here again, or blame yourself.  I call the police.  You have 2 minutes to disappear forever.
 Then Vera took the phone in her other hand and started dialing the number.
 The guy instantly flew out of the kitchen, put on his shoes and ran away.  Vera put the phone down and went to calm her daughter, who at that time was about to cry.  Nadia looked at her mom with hatred.
 - What did you tell him?
 - Dear!  My beloved and dear, ”began Vera, trying to hug Nadia, but she escaped,“ apparently the time has come to tell you something.  You are very naive and trusting towards people.  They are evil, but good people are more.  Maybe...
 Nadia did not listen to her mother, she went to her room, closed herself, lay down on the bed, buried her nose in the pillow, and quiet sobs came to Vera.  Nadya was crying.  Vera stood at the door and prayed to herself.  Soon there was silence.  Nadya fell asleep.  The night has come.  Vera walked back and forth in the kitchen for a long time.  She was tormented by insomnia.  All her day was a solid flour, a test.  But all her sufferings were within her power.  Because the Lord never sends us grief beyond our strength.  Vera was a strong woman and did everything she could for that day.  Suddenly she heard a piercing scream.  At first she thought that Nadia was awake and she was tormented by nightmares, she walked over to the room.  The door opened and Nadya ran out with the words: "Mom! Did you hear that too ?!"
 The scream repeated after 3 minutes.  It came from the neighbors.  But it was not clear from which side, and it was not clear, from above or below.
 Nadia and Vera clung to each other in fear.  They did not know what to do.  It was dangerous to leave the apartment in order to understand what was the matter.  And I didn’t immediately call the police.  The scream continued and became more distinct.  He was a woman, an adult, certainly not a child.  They even made out the words: "Help."
 Finally, Vera called the police.  It turned out that a seemingly peaceful and decent family has big problems with the husband’s domestic violence against his wife.  Nadia and Vera heard how the police took away her husband, and he was making excuses and in alcohol was carrying nonsense.  Later, the ambulance arrived and took the wife away.
 The best moment to explain to Nade what love is and what her masks and substitutions are in life, Vera was not found than she is now.  Nadya tightly squeezed the hand of the mother and could not sleep a second time.  She forgot her insult, there was only fear in her heart.
 -You know, daughter, I'm not at all against men and love.  But I do not want someone to take advantage of your naivety.  You are pure as an angel and are looking for pure and sensual love, but you will most likely find a lot of filth and filth.  Where kisses, there may be sex.  You're not morally and physically ready for this.  Can your boyfriend stop in a fit of feelings?  Do not trust him 100 percent.  Turn on the brain, if possible in this situation.  Now imagine that true love awaits you at the age of 18 or 20 ... and by this time you have forgotten how to feel, you have already met more than once, you were even raped, and your love, which was a full vessel of pure water, splashed and turned  in dull dirt?  Take care of this vessel for someone who will be worthy of such an angel as you are now.  so as not to meet him with broken wings ... You probably did not pay attention to the medallion, which was on the chest of that guy.  A bird with a trimmed wing ... You know, I studied at the Faculty of Religious Studies.  And no, I'm not going to read you the moral now.I just know a lot about symbolism and I know which sect he belongs to.  This is not a joke.  If communication with this guy would not bear danger and harm for you, then believe me, I would not have kicked him out.  I would talk to him by pouring out tea.  And maybe together with you about chastity, love, love ... But they can kill you.  They do not pity anyone.
 But please think in the future, before you are alone with someone.  And if you really want to have a guy at that age, please think about what I said at the beginning.  You're an angel.  Clean vessel.  Is it worth it to darken their youth with a novel that somehow brings pain to the soul ?!  take care of yourself ... hardly your boyfriend at the age of 14 will be with you until old age.  this fleeting romance will end parting.  Is it worth starting what is likely to end?  Take a hobby.  entice yourself with creativity.  You can do it.  direct this time to self-creation.  then your prince will meet an intelligent and talented girl, and not an angel with cropped wings, who has seen a lot in life with dull and dimmed eyes.
 While Vera spoke her speech and hugged Nadia, stroking her hair, she fell asleep, remembering what should be the most important thing.  The fact that everything has its time ...
 Even after many years, Vera did not regret her action that evening.
 Faith miraculously had a gentle nature and at the same time could instantly show strength and determination, turn into a real man when her daughter was in danger.  Even many men in 2029 did not have such a strong-willed character as strong women of the future.  Men were more like the ladies.Skirts and cosmetics used by the once “strong” floor became fashionable.  By the nature of the men, too, were more like women.  Only some men nevertheless remained the real strong sex: responsible, strong-willed, honest and did not resort in appearance to the female image.  Of course, in this situation, children suffer the most.  And not because they are often brought up by the mother of the heroine, without a father.  This is not really a big difference.  A child who is raised by a strong woman receives at the same time both affection and a sense of protection, an indestructible wall.  A woman is able to give the child everything in full.  But the problem is different.  The absence of a family in the future has given a decrease in the growth of the birth rate in the country  Although women often did IVF.  But such women as a rule raised one child, giving all of themselves upbringing and at the same time earning bread.  On the second, they did not dare.  They were happy and believed that their happiness has fullness and integrity with one baby.  Russia began to die out as a nation.  Emigrants began to live in the country in large numbers.  Going out on the street, it seemed that the Russians were foreigners, their minority.  And the indigenous people - the Chinese, Armenians, Georgians, and other nationalities.  But not the Russians.  Perhaps the Lord so rewards chaste people who do not forget their traditions, respect the elders and women, value the family and believe in their gods.  Rewards that such nations fill the earth, while others simply die out.
 Vera could not fall asleep for a long time, she remembered everything that had happened to her that day: the death of her best friend, the search for truth, the daughter in love, the cries of a woman ... For a moment, for some reason, she thought: "Maybe Igor beat his wives?  What was he really like ?! Did I know him to the end? "
 Vera took advantage of her talent to drive away bad thoughts and set herself up for another wave.  She wanted to understand herself.  For what exactly loved Igor, as a person and as a friend.  After all, she was never his mistress or wife and did not think of it and she did not judge him by the criterion of a good or bad family man.  However, they love friends not for something but just like that.  Just once he was closer than others.  Yes, he was not perfect.  He drank too.  But even when he was drunk, he showed himself only positively in her direction.  Not once rescued Vera from trouble, when they studied together at the university.  Once Vera was very upset about something, she decided to quit her studies, tore up her gradebook and threw them into a large trash can.  Igor caught up with her then, reassured and pulled out his record book.  They later laughed together and glued it with scotch in a cafe.
 -Well, imagine, you are already in the fifth year, you bring the teacher such a record book.
 -Presented.
 -And he says, where did you get her from?  And you tell him: "Out of the trash".  Yes, well, it does not matter.  There will be something to remember later.
 Vera recalled it now and tears flowed down her cheeks.  She understood why she loved him so much.  He was real.  Did not try to seem like someone.  He was himself.  Plain.  No boast.  An ordinary Russian guy.  Did not try to seem better than he is.  For example, many of her course tried to demonstrate ostentatious religiosity and righteousness, which they did not possess in full measure.
 Faith overwhelmed with suffering.  Her cup of tears today was already full and spilled out through the creativity at last.  Vera took out a notebook and wrote poems so that her pain went into poetry.  She knew that creativity is helping yourself in despair and despondency, he can save you in difficult times.  But alas, it will not save Igor anymore.  Vera composed verses in the style of free verse, free verse, practically prose, but with elements of melody.  She often wrote poetry, but never edited them, letting go of the pain in the lines, forgot sadness.
 Here is what she composed that night:
 ***
 "Go to sleep, my dear friend,
 You will come back to me,
 But already another.
 You will forget anxiety and pain.
 And from now on with you
 Only light and peace.

 Go to sleep, my dear friend,
 Will fight for you here
 Someone else.
 Did not live to gray hair
 And he left young.
 You're alive to me forever.

 There is no death.  Only temporary sleep.Maybe your happiness was in
 What you will not see this country:
 Seized by sin.
 Where is every scoundrel -
 recognized hero.
 Where have forgotten
  what is soul and good.

 Go to sleep, my friend,
 And I cry a little more,
 And again in battle.
 While I have time.
 You have more now:
 Eternity and love. "

 When Vera brought out the word love with a pen and put an end to it, her heart calmed down.  She checked whether the daughter is sleeping soundly.  Nadia slept like a baby.  Vera straightened the blanket.  Outside the window began a new day.  She decided to sleep at least two hours before the fuss and new run begins.

Ch.16 "Day of peace"

 The Lord never sends a man of grief beyond his strength.  He knows everyone's heart.  And if a person experiences suffering, then only in order to save his soul.  Then the Lord pities man.  Gives breath.  A person feels peace and tranquility.  But not for long.  For his path is not over and there are new challenges ahead.  Vera had to endure two tests in a row in one day: the death of a close friend and a difficult situation with her daughter.  And just because Vera was a strong woman, so many sorrows fell on her shoulders.  Probably, if the second day were just as full of experiences, then you could go crazy.  But Vera was waiting for another day, not the same as before.  Day of peace and relative peace.
 The best way to help yourself is to help another.  When we begin to effectively help others, we forget about our personal experiences.  We stop feeling sorry for ourselves and see ourselves unhappy.  In the morning, Vera realized that if she did not take up her usual work today, she would lose all her clients.  She dropped out of the operating mode for two days.  Vera was not an office worker, she worked for herself.  Yes, she could afford to arrange a day off in the middle of the work week.  But she was a responsible person and did not use her freedom without a good reason.  Vera drank coffee after a sleepless night and looked as always at the sun.  She was immersed in herself.  There, too, was its sun and no less warm and bright.  That sun, which does not depend on the weather forecast.  Her happiness rarely depended on the circumstances.  She sensitively monitored the state of her heart and did not let the worms of bad thoughts get into it.  Yesterday, the death of a friend still got her out of the rut, but today she tried to find the courage to accept with humility the circumstance she could no longer influence.
 Nadia got up herself and was about to study.  It seems that she forgot everything that happened yesterday and was smiling as never before.  She did not hold a grudge against her mother and realized that the opposite should be grateful to her.  It is rare when children realize that parents do not wish them harm, but only save them from dangers.  But Nadia was a smart girl and understood everything properly.  She had breakfast, kissed mom on the cheek and left.
 And Vera sat at the desk, smoothed a clean sheet with her hand.  As clean as a new day ... And I began to write a to-do list and plan of the day.
 She beautifully printed the number one and wrote: "Call the customer."  Then in the same way marked the second case: "Add an article."  For a couple of seconds, Vera thought about it and wrote the number three: "Find out when and where the funeral will be."  Vera did not want to attend a friend's funeral, but she promised that Igor’s mother would attend them.  Once in her life, she had already escorted a friend to the last journey, and Vera remembered how much funeral was devoid of the true meaning of death.  Faith believed that death is not the end, but only the beginning of a future life with Christ.  But the general ceremony, in which on the faces of every mourning and endless pain speak only one thing: "This is the end."  She decided that she would find out about the funeral last, but first she would get in touch with the client.
 -Hello, sorry, I could not call you yesterday.  Sincerely sorry.  But today I will be glad to hear from you.
 -Hello, Vera!  I'm so glad you finally called.
 Vera had warm and almost friendly relations with clients in the field of psychological assistance.  She tried to convey to each client her positive mood and, most importantly, she knew how to listen to problems, find a way out of any situation.
 In return, customers gave her sincere thanks.

Ch.  17 "Funeral"

 After a long conversation with the client on the phone, Vera suddenly felt like she was electrocuted directly over her heart.  She remembered that Igor’s funeral was not scheduled for tomorrow or after tomorrow, but for today.  This she remembered for sure.  But the time completely flew out of her head, or she did not even know him.  She began to dial Igor's mom on the phone in the hope that she was not late yet.  She did not want to offend Igor's mother.  But on the other hand, in the depths of her heart, she would not mind being late, to miss the moment when the lifeless shell of her dear friend would fall under the ground.  That shell, which no longer sparkles with the smile of life and light.  To which all eyes of people will be turned, unlike the invisible soul, which may be glad to meet with Christ, but no one will see this triumph of joy.  Everyone will be in deep sorrow and longing.  Faith did not want to give in to the feeling of sadness at the funeral, but the word duty was stronger.
 -Hello, I hope I was not late?  My time was completely out of my mind ... Remind me, please, - Vera said timidly and guiltily on the phone.
 -Hello, Vera, no, you're not late, it's my fault that I forgot to tell the time.  In an hour there will be a farewell to Igor.  I really hope to see you.
 - Of course I will.  Goodbye.
 Vera hung up and began to dress hastily.  She decided not to paint, because she knew that she would cry.  She did not want to cry that day, she wanted to believe that Igor met God and he was good, but she understood that she would not be able to withstand the emotions of others and the general situation.
 Vera came out of the house all in black, only her white long curls betrayed the light of the soul and the pacification of the day.  All the worries and pain were left behind, she cried all the tears yesterday and survived the misery of loss.  Today, her soul was light and calm.  But she continued to conduct an internal dialogue and the only thing that worried her was the disagreement of action and thought.  She did not want to go, but walked, keeping her word.  Usually her actions always agreed with the thought.  And her words were always equal to action.  She hated duplicity and hypocrisy more than anything else in her life.  She thought to herself: “Who thought up what they should be? Funeral ... A person should remain in our memory differently. What we see there is a lie. We don’t see with our eyes the main thing ... It remains inside of us.  This is the light ... The light that was in Igor's life. His immortal soul. Why look at the body without a soul. This is not Igor anymore. It instills horror and fear. But there is no fear in love.  immortality. Funeral is a false event "...

 Vera stood at the flower shop, buying carnations.  The seller advised the black ribbon.  Vera meekly agreed, saying that she did not understand this.
 Near the entrance, where the late friend lived, there were acquaintances ... Vera walked slowly.  She had not seen them for a long time.  Someone 20 years old even ... These were people with whom Faith had a common youth and general studies at the institute.
 Vera greeted everyone and they stood for another ten minutes.  Someone decided to go to the temple.  She was offered to get into the car, but the road was short and Vera thought that she would rather go alone and pray mentally along the way.
 The sun was shining brightly, Vera was walking slowly.  She looked at the sky and imagined how now Igor is good, how he smiles at her.  How good it is there in heaven for those who, even in life, glowed like the sun.  It should be a thousand times better than on earth, where every second we are surrounded by sorrow and suffering.
 Vera came to the half-empty temple before everyone else and stood near the icon.  Many thoughts were in her head: the fond memory of Igor, the hope of his eternal peace and happiness in heaven, endless love ...
 The coffin was about to be brought into the temple.
 And then, nothing but tears and pain.  The words of Igor's family, who were tearing the heart, “The why are you so cold ?!”
 - Why these prayers, if they do not bring him back to life?  - Said an old grandmother, in despair.
 At these moments, Vera understood that her faith could not comfort her loved ones at such a moment.  She does not move mountains, alas ...But she wanted to somehow help the old grandmother, at least to console her grief with something.  Vera took her arm and helped to walk, while the coffin was carried to the place where it would be given to the earth.  She tried not to think about herself at that moment.  About her feelings, emotions ... She thought how hard this poor grandmother was now, how painful she was to walk on the ground with her weary legs, which had passed through many people who had seen losses, sorrows and joys.  Finally, the coffin was buried and little by little sadness began to descend from people who as if only now realized that it was necessary to look upwards - to heaven, where Igor’s soul was, and not down, where his temporary sheath was, the clothes that had been removed.  Those clothes that until the Last Judgment remain under the ground and then re-connect with the soul.  Someone from Igor’s friends quietly said: “Be happy and let all your plans and hopes come true in another life in the best possible way”.  It was Anton.  And let Vera not share his views on rebirths, she liked this phrase and she smiled inwardly, because it was the only bright thought that sounded during the funeral.  Igor was a bright man and deserved at least a ray of light on the day when his soul met sky.

To be continued...