"A good storyteller never lets the facts get in the way."
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"I'm an Atheist...thank God."
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“Am I the Irish comedian with half a finger? No, I'm the Irish comedian with nine and a half fingers.”
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“If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.”
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“We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A clock.”
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“I've stopped smoking... I think the cost was a lot of it, and not being able to breathe. I first gave up smoking when I was eight.”
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"Goodnight, thank you, and may your God go with you" "
