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I’m emotionally addicted.
I find it easily explained – after all, I do not have enough of emotions in my every day life- so I read. I read a lot – mostly it is fanfiction stories – why? Well ‘cuz they have a LOT emotions to offer. Such as near death experience or lust or suffering or pain – all of that is impossible for me to find in life – and it bothers me as to why I live the way I do? Oh but the answer is very simple – for my family – truly I do. My mother doesn’t deserve to be dissappointed with my obssesion, and my dad shouldn’t even think about his daughter not being stable, my dearest sister has a family of her own – god! I ‘m happy for her. Jeez, if it were’nt for them I would have already sunk into the deepth of my addiction.
I think about it now and understand what I want – I want to return to the point of my real emotions, of emotions of mine not the characters. I yearn for life and feelings – but I feel alive only when I read about smonelse’s emotions and live through them. Trully I am addicted.
Well basicaly I live through those fake emotions – if they are fake… whatever they are, I’m sure they neither help nor save me. I am so confused. The fact that I’have not been at the university is a sign of not-so-awesome state of my mind.
But how can I quit? I just need them, those emotions for I do not have my own

Другие статьи в литературном дневнике:

• 27.10.2009. ***