Office Miracle or Who Ate the Bacon

I was working on the daily reports when I heard the chilling scream from downstairs. It was so loud and frightening that blood in my veins stopped running.  Frankly, I doubt that hurricanes, earthquakes or any other kinds of natural disasters could cause such a panic in my heart, mind and soul.

At first, I thought that it should be the Vice President who simply found out that our poor receptionist was 3 minutes and 2 seconds late today. Then, I figured out that the VP would shout even more in this outrageous situation. So, it was something else… Something unknown and obviously not described in the job description, employment contract agreement and probably anti sexual harassment statement. This minute I became really curious. I almost began feeling that the world around me was full of unexpected surprises as it had been in Russia.

Therefore, I put aside all boring reports and came down to look at this terrible office miracle, which I already had fallen in love with because it had given me such a rare chance to feel myself alive. Being alive and working in the American business!!! These two great differences put together are a real opportunity for a foreigner to explore.  And I was not ready to loose my only chance.

So, I ran down quickly making a mess in the office order and structure. The picture, which I almost bumped into, was not only amazing, funny, and ridiculous, but also so non-American.  My boss, the Head of Food Safety Division, the nice example of the American professional businesswoman, was furiously staring at Tony, the Office Manager, who just was sitting calmly and eating two thin slices of smoked bacon. Here I should say that Tony is a typical overweighed guy, who constantly eats everything that comes to his sight. This day he managed to put in the mouth the last and really small portion of bacon leftovers, which the company"s major customer, a very well known in Maryland State restaurant, sent to our laboratory for the test analysis. Some of this restaurant"s clients had claimed to get poisoned from the bacon they tried. Thus, these two last slices of bacon was the only hope left for the restaurant not to get sued. We were supposed to conduct the full-scale chemical analysis of the bacon and prove our customer"s innocence… This plan has never come true…

The situation had the sad end. I wrote one more stupid report to the restaurant saying "the company"s employee ate their last sample and now we would not be able to help them in any way." The boss was angry the rest of the day. The restaurant more likely got sued.  And then, later during the week, it rejected our services…

The only happy person in the office was Tony. He had a good lunch for free. And he was not hungry for the next 5 minutes.  By the way, he did not get poisoned, but this fact did not save the restaurant"s reputation and money… and our company"s relations with the customer.

Probably, soon the Human Resource Department will issue one more rule (the 100000001st) to follow: "It is mandatory not to eat the samples found in the lab fridge." By that time, employees have no obligations concerning the sample-eating activities…