Forgotten by fate or Deeply in cunt
Osten Felley, hospital doctor, 60 y/o
Helen Chemm, his wife, musical teacher, 59
Galmah Felley, their daughter, musical teacher, 37
Alex Glee, her husband,technician, 36
Their always drunken neighbour, 45
The whole thing happens in a deep ass (in transferred meaning, of course)
Early morning. Galmah is in bed and Alex is running up and down along the room. His trousers are put on one leg only.
Alex (shouting). Galmah! Have you prepared my socks for today?!
Galmah (hardly awaking). What’s up? The socks? They’re lying upon the chair.
Alex. Darling! They are standing over there! I DID ask you yesterday to wash ’em!
Galmah. I’ve done so.
Alex. Done with what? With water or with my sperm?! They're smelling!..
Galmah. Don’t get on my nerves. (Turns upon her side and snores.)
Alex (comes closer to the bed). Well, darling, I ain't gonna put on these dirty socks, you know. I gonna leave barefoot. To work, see?
Galmah (in a sleeping voice). Do, please.
Alex. And I’ll be fired right today!
Silence. Alex is examining his clothes.
By the way, darling, I can make you happy. Among all my clothes I’ve got only a pair of underpants in a proper state to wear.
Galmah (irritated, is sitting up). You’ve just been gonna leave, haven’t you?
Alex. Surely, I’ve been. And I’m leaving right now. (Comes out).
Helen’s voice (behind the stage). Alex, where are going?
Alex’s voice. To my office.
Helen. But there are only trunks upon you!.. HEY!! COME BACK!!! Come back, I say!!! GALMAH!!! C’mon quickly! He’s gone mad, I swear! Alex! Alex!! ALEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Galmah is running out.
Family council. Upon a sofa Helen is sitting, tragic expression on her face. Opposite her upon a chair Galmah is with the look of one who is fed up with life.
Helen. (in a tragic tone). Galmah! Are you a wife to him or aren’t?
Galmah (calmly). A wife, but not a servant. Self-service - isn’t it a real business for a person to do? Everyday washing for him! Am I hired, indeed?
Osten (entering the room). Quite agree, by the way. You only judge: a fat ass ain’t able to do anything but to lie in bed and to give commands.
Alex enters the room.
Alex. My dear relatives, congratulations to you. I’m fired. The boss himself kicked me outta work.
Helen (in tragic voice). Galmah, it’s all over. We’re gone. (Cries).
Osten. Fuck your bitch! (Comes out, banging the door.)
Galmah (rises up and shouts hysterically). No! No! We ain’t gone. I swear he’ll come to his office and rehabilitate himself there.
Alex. Kiss my ass, baby. If you can’t serve me with clear clothes then try to feed me!
Helen. Alex, you’ve no shame!
Alex. I’ve no shame. Ha! You ought to say that I’ve no pride! I work all the day round in that hole, called «National Bank» to bring money for you all. After that I should ask for elementary human conditions.
Galmah. I work, too, Alex!
Alex. Such a nice job banging over the piano is! What a resort! (To Helen.) It's also about you, Mrs. Chemm.
Helen. Alex! I wanna see you teaching children to play!
Alex (without listening to her). Well, two women have everyday rest and the old gay runs up and down along the hospital corridors with his stethoscope. He's at work, we should consider. I wonder how much you’re paid for this!
Osten (flying in). WHAT HAVE YOU SAID?!
Alex looks at him in silence.
What have you said, shit?!!
Alex. That you, old gay, with your clinical stethoscope is worth...
Osten. Damn!!!!(He is throwing himself upon Alex.)
The two fighting men are rolling over the floor. Galmah and Helen are trying to separate them.
Osten (held by Helen). You’ll die, piece of shit!
Alex (held by Galmah). It’s pretty your time to do, worthless gay.
Osten. Fool! If it weren’t for me, you'd have died long ago due to your overeating.
Alex. Who might think?
Osten. You eat tonns of food every day. With your constant gastric problems I can easily get you in hospital for five years. And instead of this I treat you at home. Appreciate this, anyway. And say «thank you» to me for I can still manage to keep you from any diet, otherwise you’d be howling with hunger. Nothing to say that there won’t be any door here you’ll be able to pass through.
Galmah (crying). It ain’t possible. Ain’t possible. After each meal he’s had I gotta go shopping. And to get ready whole holiday table for him.
Alex (ironically). Oh, my poor girl! But if I bring so many troubles with myself I can have my meals in any cafe. I can hire a professional maid. But you can bury your budget then.
Galmah (sharply). From now on you’ll be serving yourself with everything.
Alex. OK. But only after your dear parents.
Osten (putting his breast forward). Bullshit! I have a wife, a daughter, a son-in-law to rely my everyday problems upon them.
Alex. So this way? Well, I’ve also got my wife to solve my problems.
Helen. Galmah’s my daughter, and she’ll be serving me.
Alex. And my wife. And she’ll be serving only me.
Galmah (rising up). Stop! What are you talking about?
Osten. Silence, woman! (Towards Alex). And you, fat ass, go and put on something. Only look at him walking with no clothes but underpants, shit.
Alex leaves, banging the door.
Helen. Galmah, please, help him somehow. He earns money for us.
Galmah. Mama, I also work, you know. I must help all of you, but don't have to serve here. I’m a cook here and a waiter. Am I a wrong member of the family?
Alex enters, dressed already.
Helen (philosophically, with unmeasured pride). It’s your fate, my dear. Every person has their own fate.
Galmah. I’ll be looking for another fate then. (She's running out of the flat.)
Alex. Galmah, stop! Stop it! Don’t leave! Come back, I’ll forgive everything! (To Helen)How could you? You’ve done her, smelling bitch.
Helen. Alex!! (She is rising up)
Alex. Shut your sink up! (He is running after Galmah)
Helen, powerless, is falling down upon the sofa.
Osten. We do have nice children, darling.
Helen (tears in her voice). Osten… What have we come to?
Osten. Well, we were growing nice children. What have we gotten, in the end?! Their marriage and their sending us as far as possible. And that you, Helen, who got Galmah married by recommendation. «A serious, positive young man…» as they used to say… Useless and mindless - that what he really is. Can nothing but demand. All the day he clicks computer keys, then endless parties, hard drinking and crawling back home.
The neighbour is entering. He’s drunk as usual.
Neighbour. I’m sorry, of course, but… I’M BORED WITH YOUR PEOPLE!!! When they were kissing near my flat, I was bearing. They were doing fuckey-fuckey matter at my doorway and I was bearing. When I came home with my wife and found them during their oral sex, I was bearing, too. But now they’re shouting near my window when I’ve drunk over my measure and my patience’s over!!
The living-room, where Osten and Helen are sitting. Sometimes the neighbour’s singing is heard from under the floor.
Osten. Helen, try to understand, we won’t be living much in the flat with no water three or four times a week and this drunkard beneath.
Helen. I wanna stay only here for I don’t know what we’ll get after flat trading.
Neighbour (beneath). We-e-e-e-e a-a-a-are the champions, my frie-e-e-ends...
Osten (is knocking on the floor). Shut up, smelling hole! So, my darling, decide yourself: either we’ll be living in some other place or…
Neighbour (downwards). Let it be-e-e-e-e, let it be-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e!..
Osten (is crying hysterically). Die your fastest!!! Oh, not you, my darling, our neighbour, of course.
Neighbour (is crying upwards to Osten). D’you really have no mind?! I’ve got a headache! And I am not disturbing you in any way. Why are you disturbing me?
At this moment noise of water is heard.
Helen (in panic). Osten!!! Damn you with all your speeches. Our water-reservoir is overfilled. (She is running out and in some minutes and is shouting behind the stage). Osten, help! There’s a sea. A real one. My God! The floor won’t be keeping it. It’s an international scandal, indeed.
Neighbour. I’m going slightly ma-a-a-ad!.. Hey, you, upwards! I didn’t ask for any rain. A-ah! YOU’VE GONE MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have just got my kitchen repaired! Oh, my ceiling, my walls, they're falling…they're all falling down. Why are you watering me?! Where’s your conscience?
Osten (stopping the water-flooding). Deeply in cunt as we all are…
Helen (in panic). Osten! How can your tongue?..
Osten. Yes, Helen. It’s bare truth!
Neighbour. Oh, cunt! I’ll call police here and we’ll see who gonna be in cunt!!!
Osten. You are. Because we’re leaving for Miami Beach tomorrow.
Neighbour (ironically). With neither tickets nor visas, nor any luggage
Osten. We have only desire to leave and we’ll do it without all of these.
Airport. Osten, Helen, Galmah and Alex stand by the custom line.
Osten (to the rest of the family). Just after my command run to the plane. We must miss both the check-in and customs area. We haven’t got even tickets, you know.
In front of them a man with his passport is coming to a clerk, so the latter cannot see anyone of the family.
Osten. Run forward. God is with us.
The whole family starts running past the customs area. Osten and Alex run forward, Galmah and Helen are behind them.
A clerk. Hey! What's this? What's up? What’s the running here? Who’s allowed?! Offenders!!! Stop ‘em! STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A man dressed in the uniform is running to block the exit the family is heading to.
Alex (coming to the man and pushing him away). Fuck off, bitch.
Osten (to the rest of the family). C"mon faster, people! The plane's close to us… Now upstairs!
The family is running upwards. At least 15 men are behind them. A girl near the door is stopping them.
Girl. Produce your tickets, please..
Osten (kicking the girl's vagina in madness). Wipe your ass with them!!!
The girl is falling and rolling downstairs. Right by the doorway the group of the men are catching Osten, Helen, Galmah and Alex.
Alex (roaring, held by five policemen). Let me go! You'll die for doing this!!
Osten is breaking free suddenly and fighting eight policemen. One of them is striking Osten over his head with the revolver. The latter is collapsing. A policeman is chaining his arms. By this time Alex, Galmah and Helen have been chained. The policemen and the arrested family are leaving the airport.
Alex. Fuckin' country! Fuckin' law! Fuckin' life!
The curtain is falling. Radio noise is heard then someone's voice: "Department 6, clients are ready. Prepare a cell." Then another one: "OK, major". Then horn beeping, which is getting silent and silent…
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