Chapter 22

She was woken up in the morning by the voices of the family which was already gathered around the table for breakfast. Sandra"s bed was covered. Supposing that it must be quite late already, Maija got up. After washing her face with cold water and pulling a sweatshirt over her pyjamas, she stepped into the kitchen.
  "Good morning, everyone," - she said shyly.
  "Good morning, Mai," - replied Sandra, - "you were so deeply asleep, I didn"t think you"d get up in time for breakfast."
   "Have a seat, dear," - said Sandra"s mom, - "there are toasts and jam for breakfast, and I just boiled some water for the tea."
   Maija wasn"t actually hungry - the feeling of healthy hunger wasn"t very familiar to her, as she was sickly and never had much appetite. To her right, Pete was loading his plate with a pile of toasts and chewing one of them energetically. To her left, Sandra and Will were having a hot debate about wether the water in the lake is very cold or not.
   "I"ve been here this year on exactly the same date, and the water was so cold that even a penguin would feel uncomfortable." - he claimed.
   "Of course, when you don"t swim it feels cold - and I bet you"re always cold, you can"t even swim two full lengths of a pool!" - cried Sandra.
   "Me?" - he gasped, not believing his ears, - "I"m one of the best swimmers of our entire year! Only Lasse from 11-A is faster than me, but that"s because he"s taller!"
   "Will is right," - said Sandra"s mom, - "we"re not polar bears. What"s the problem to wait a week or two, until it gets a bit warmer?"
   Maija heard their voices as if they were behind a thick cloud. She was staring at her empty plate with misty eyes.
   "Do you think you can fool me so easily?"
   "Gentle winds carrying thy song -"
   "Martin, you can"t mistrust me like that!"
   "Thy song - thy song - thy song"
   "I"m sick and tired of hearing -"
After the breakfast was over, everyone got up from the table. Sandra"s mom stayed at the cabin to wash the dishes, clean up and unpack. Her dad and the boys went to re-paint the boat. Maija, following Sandra, went to the wood to pick some berries and mushrooms.
   "Here, that"s for you," - said Sandra, handing over to her friend one of the large empty baskets that she was carrying.
   "Thanks," - Maija said automatically.
   "Mai," - said Sandra, - "I wish I could help you, but I don"t know how. I thought that coming here with us would do good to you, but at breakfast you were like in your own world - not saying a single word, not listening to anything but your own thoughts. Listen, I know you"re angry and upset, but this really doesn"t have to turn your entire life upside down - it doesn"t even have to ruin your summer."
   "You"re right," - said Maija suddenly. - "I"m not going to let this ruin my summer - as a matter of fact, starting from this moment I"m going to have a good time!"
   That was the moment when anger, bitterness and jealousy began storing up in her soul, layer by layer. The happier she seemed, the more horrible was the rage that took over her heart. Deciding to be stronger than we can might lead us to disasters that cannot be repaired. Refusing to acknowledge the pain only leads to a new pain - the pain of secret.
   The forest wasn"t nearly as dark and mysterious as it seemed yesterday at sunset. Now it was full of sunlight and voices of birds who were chirping loudly and jumping from branch to branch. The young leaves were half-transparent and the forest was a kind kingdom of green and gold. Fluffy, funny-shaped mushrooms were growing in dark corners by the roots of the trees. Maija has never been to a forest like that before, and therefore her eyes weren"t used to the pattern of light and shadow, and often she didn"t notice the mushrooms that were growing right under her feet. At the end of the day, however, her basket was full.
   When they came back it was nearly dinner time already. Pete, covered with stains of grey paint, was chopping wood for the fireplace. The axe in his hand was small but seemed extremely sharp.
   "Hello, sis," - he said with a smile, - "hi, Maija. Could you ask mom if dinner"s going to be ready soon? My back is getting caught up. Dad has been fishing all day long and the others went to fix some leaks in the cabin"s roof. Your lazy slug of a boyfriend claims that he"s helping mom at the kitchen."
   "Will is not a lazy slug," - Sandra said, - "I bet you"re just envious because he can cook and you can"t."
   Pete laughed and then his face twisted with a grimace of pain. His back was obviously very sore. Still, he bravely kept on chopping wood into small blocks. The two girls entered the cabin. Delicious smell of fried fish took all over the kitchen and even the small living room. Sandra"s mom was putting the plates, forks and knives on the wooden table. Will, wearing an apron, was making buttered toasts. Sandra and Maija sat down at the table. Soon, everyone else appeared. Pete was the last to sit down to eat, but he was also the one who ate the most.
   Whenever an expression of sadness appeared on Maija"s face, Sandra pushed her slightly with her elbow and hissed. Maija was grateful to her friend for caring, and she tried to be as cheerful and polite as she could. Dining together with Sandra"s family was in some way very comforting. The atmosphere of a big, warm family around the dinner table was something totally new to her; as much as she loved her father, there were only the two of them, and at times they felt a bit lonely.
   "We planned to bring many children into this world, me and your mom," - he told her once with a sigh. - "I never thought we might not be given enough time for that."
   Lately she has been thinking a lot about the reason which kept her father from getting married again. He wasn"t old yet and he was quite a good-looking man, he didn"t have any bad habits and he earned quite a good salary. Poor papa, she thought with a sigh.
   "I"ve just been thinking about papa," - she explained to those who watched her gloomy face with worry, - "he must be feeling alone right now. I hope he finds some time to come and visit soon."
   "You shouldn"t be so concerned, dear," - said Sandra"s mom, - "why don"t you take another piece of toast?"
   To her surprise, by nine o"clock at the evening she felt immense tiredness and left the living room where everyone were reading, playing chess and listening to old records. She went to the small cosy bedroom with the unpolished wooden ceiling and put on her pyjamas. She fell asleep in a couple of minutes, but soon woke up.
   "Sandra," - she called, - "you won"t imagine what I just - Sandra?"
   She turned around. Her friend"s bed was empty. Smiling to a sudden guess, Maija got up and looked out of the window. She saw Will and Sandra walking hand in hand at the moonlit shore of the lake. She could hear quiet talking and happy laugh. Feeling an unclear pain in her heart, she returned to her bed and tried her best to fall asleep. Once more tears came to her eyes, and they were bitter and uneasy.