Was there Allochka? - english

РАССКАЗ НА РУССКОМ ЯЗЫКЕ ЗДЕСЬ:    http://www.proza.ru/2009/03/04/3               

- Tatyana Nikolaevna, do you believe in aliens?
- I believe...
A handsome man of about forty sat in front of me, he continued:
- Do you agree with me because the rules of a psychiatrist, in order to gain quick trust from the patient, agree with everything, do not aggravate the symptom?
- No, what are you saying, I really believe in aliens, since childhood...
He took out a homemade postcard from the inside pocket of his jacket, there was a bell flower drawn on it, an ornament around it, and on the other side of the card each letter was written in different pencils: “Daddy, I love you very much!”
- As a psychiatrist, with such vast experience, you should probably know whether this was drawn and written by a child’s hand, or by an adult?
After carefully examining the postcard, I answered him confidently:
- This, without a doubt, was drawn and written by a child, and a girl at that...

***
My wife and I had just returned from visiting, fortunately we had to go two floors higher, we were celebrating the departure of friends, he had just graduated from military school and was assigned to the Central Asian District. We were getting ready to go to bed, Lena went to the bathroom to get ready for bed, and came out confused, explaining.
- Oleg, my water broke...
She was immediately taken to the ambulance and taken to the maternity hospital. In the morning I called the boss at the department, saying that my wife was giving birth and needed a couple of days off, for which he asked me to work only today, because it was the end of the month, half a year, year... and I was the head of the department.
All day I called the maternity hospital almost every half hour, but they told me that they don’t give such information over the phone.
An hour before the end of work, he said that it was up to them to do the rest, but I..., you know, have no time for reports.

I’ll quickly go home, freshen up in the shower, buy a huge bouquet and give it to Lenochka!
I open the door, pale Lena came out of the room into the corridor..., she was silent...
- Len.., why are you at home? Where is our Allochka, were they released so quickly? Well.., don't be silent, where is the child?
She squeezed out with difficulty:
- The girl was born dead, she died in her stomach...
- No.., no, Len, wait, did you see her? Have you seen the child yourself?
“I didn’t see, I didn’t hear,” Lena immediately squatted down and covered her face with her hands, but didn’t cry, but continued talking, “she died two weeks ago, still in the stomach, they told me that it’s better not to see, she’s terrible.., blue, it's better not to see. I left immediately, I can’t see happy mothers there with their living children.

I picked her up, holding her by the arms, and led her to the room:
- No.., wait, how did you not see this? For some reason I’m not getting the hang of it... what if they want to sell it and cheat us out like suckers? Why didn’t you immediately demand to see..., right there, why?! How many times have we seen something like this on the box: either refuse, or the child is dead, but the child is alive? Here... we already have everything... our parents bought a crib... and a stroller...
- Oleg, it’s already painful for me... don’t make it hurt even more... I didn’t hear a scream, you know? I didn't hear the baby cry...
- All. I go and demand our child, such tricks will not work with us, let them give any...
- Olezha, this is a funeral! I will see her face all my life, please don’t!
- Lena, I feel it, she’s alive, she’s alive.., well, she was strangled a little by the umbilical cord, they took her to another room, they patted her butt and came to life... Wait, I’ll take a taxi back and forth, just wait and that’s it, wait for both.., know.., I’ll bring you alive, just know, alive!!!

As luck would have it, it was impossible to get a taxi, and I couldn’t even get a private taxi, but there were two stops to their parking lot, I ran in a few minutes and now... I’m at the door of the maternity hospital. Happy dads stood in the yard, warmed themselves with vodka, and looked out the windows. At the transmission window, I demanded that the manager come out immediately, and with a child in her arms, who was hidden from my wife, saying that the girl was dead. They asked my last name and answered that the manager had already gone home, but there was a doctor on duty who would be right out. We had to wait for nothing at all, a woman came out of this door dressed in a coat, in her hands she was holding a baby in a blanket. I went up to her and took this package from her hands, saying:
- You see, if in an amicable way... I wouldn’t leave everything like that, I would take it through the court...
In the taxi... and that was it, but when the taxi turned around, I caught myself thinking: she had bags in both hands, how did she hold the child? A – ah.., it doesn’t matter... I lifted the tip of the blanket and saw that little eyes were looking at me. Alive!!!

Lena was sitting in the room, the TV was on, but she had such an indifferent face... obviously, she didn’t see anything there, if only it wasn’t emptiness and silence...
- Len, look, she’s alive!!! Our Allochka is alive! She, look.., is looking!
I leaned over Lena and tipped the bag with the baby. Lena stood up and walked towards the bedroom door, her eyes were wide and there was horror in them:
- Oleg.., there is no child, your hands are empty... Do you really see her? Oleg... don't scare me, I lost my child, and now I'm losing you? No.., have pity on me.., don’t.., they don’t joke like that...
Lena jumped into the bedroom and closed the door behind her, standing behind her... I just told her:
- I understand everything, this is unexpected for you, because you thought one thing, and now another, she’s alive... When Allochka starts crying, feed her, okay?

- I won’t feed anyone, I bandaged my chest and there’s no Alla... You’re hallucinating, I want to go home, I’ll go home now... to my mother... I’m afraid of you...
I pulled open the door, Lena hastily put her things from the closet into a suitcase.
- No.., she won’t die a second time, you will feed her! How could you believe them?!.. How?! What kind of mother are you?! Not even see, leave and not see?! And Allochka is alive! They almost sold her... if it weren’t for me... Instead of rejoicing... - I went to the crib and put the child there... - so... instead of rejoicing, you give up the child ! From our daughter! And I loved you?! Yes.., I loved.., tomorrow I’ll think of something, and you’ll leave.., but not today, you’ll feed me until tomorrow... Do you understand?!

I didn’t sleep all night, I kept coming to the door, was Allochka crying? Well.., since she’s not crying, it means everything is okay.., Lena’s stress went away, she realized that Allochka was alive...
My God..., my God! Well, why should we do this and we were expecting a child... to go through this! This is something... well, it happens, yes there were such cases... but who knew that they would do this to us? Yes, now Lenka needs a psychiatrist.., for sure... No.., I’ll have to hire a lawyer, even if it’s expensive, I’ll get a loan, but leave everything like that? I can imagine what they do with single mothers, it’s a total mess...
I went to the door and listened. Quiet... And the child is so calm, she hasn’t squeaked even once... There you go and need to change the diaper... and she would have changed these diapers... she probably would, otherwise Alla would have cried...
And in the morning Lena left, leaving the baby in my arms... I didn’t expect this at all, instead of being happy... She left... So she took it and left... To her mother.., and to my father... She didn’t say anything, went out with a suitcase and silently walked through the door...

I urgently took a vacation, bought baby food and fed it. Allochka ate and slept, was already smiling, but this blue face..., blue girl, so much time has passed. She slept and grew larger, reacted to toys, to sounds, and smiled. But how to go for a walk, how to show the child, because the neighbors will definitely ask to show you, and Allochka’s face and whole body are still blue? I’m already used to it, but how can I explain to them all... she died and was resurrected, she strangled herself a little? Allochka was sleeping, I went to work, and management was nearby, I ran and fed her, again on key and until the next moment - I’ll go have a smoke... I was a single dad, because everyone knew, but childless money was still constantly deducted from me in the accounting department , and there is no way to prove to them that I have a daughter. Just like that... he stole his own child from the maternity hospital, took it away, without documents. Oh my God!!! What if he gets sick!!! But they’ll take it away... it’s not yours and that’s it, child... Alla, daughter, just don’t get sick!!!

But, Allochka, to my great joy, she wasn’t sick. She was already sitting, laughing, and even trying to get up and stand in the crib. You can’t..., it’s too early, you’ll crook your legs..., then they’ll be like the letter O. Sweetie, when will your body become like everyone else’s? Allochka just smiled and tried to grab me by the hair with her hand.
Work... and the rest of the time I and my thoughts were occupied only by Allochka, who was already running and waiting for me, my little kitten, and how much did we play with her, and what did we not play? And so.., whatever will happen, but I took my little blue beauty out into the street, neighbors walked by, and everyone greeted me, but they didn’t notice Allochka. And even on the playground when she was playing among other children, not a single mother asked - why is your girl like this? Fool.., you should have walked her in the first place, and not placed the stroller with her sleeping on the balcony. It turns out that no one cares what color other people’s children are.

At work, women knew that I was divorced, sometimes they were interested in Allochka’s health and affairs, and even asked to show me sometime. As soon as the employees found out that a girl was born with us, they even bought clothes for the girl... from birth to a year it was enough, that's how much... Some of our employees, single ones, apparently were attracted to me. Yes, Allochka would need a mother, but she’s still playing tricks with her, and Allochka, she’s already alone all day? Yes, and little blue Allochka, suddenly she will be embarrassed by my daughter, she will feel how smart she is. Allochka is truly, as they say, precocious.

According to the book, if you believe it, she did everything in half the time, her teeth were there... I started bringing her children’s books, with sounds and a musical effect. And how she loved to listen to fairy tales, and did not notice how she began to read at the age of three, and within a few days she began to read fluently. Well.., she needs to go to school, but how? Shouldn’t I draw metrics for her? And so... when Allochka turned exactly five years old... I was rummaging through some papers and came across, who would have thought, and where would they come from?! These are Allochka’s metrics, everything is as it should be, it’s crazy... where from?! I went with them to the nearest school so that Allochka could study. Time flies so quickly... like yesterday, he stole from the maternity hospital, and today... maybe even a schoolgirl... since September...

To the director, all with rank and honor, they say, he has a daughter, but at five she already reads fluently, adds and subtracts here and there in her mind, and knows a lot of poetry by heart, even the entire fairy tale “Doctor Aibolit” with expressions... The director asked for her metrics, I handed them to him, he looked suspiciously, somehow strangely, at the crust, then raised his eyes and slowly said:
- I forgot my glasses in the car... could you dictate to me, and I’ll write everything down? Well, of course, we will take such a gifted girl to first A grade...
I began to dictate, and he wrote everything down on paper, and as soon as it came to the address, I caught his eye... Something is wrong, something is wrong.., oh damn.., what is the address? Yes, I stole Allochka... They’ll take it away..., sure enough, they’ll take it away...
- The address.., you know.., we are moving into an entrance nearby, expanding, but this is not entirely accurate, I’ll tell you the address later, but for now we need to urgently run.., sorry, work....

I was very worried that on the first of September in first grade A, when they lined up in front of the school, they wouldn’t read our name, and then how can we convince Allochka that she is still young in years, I promised, I bought everything, she is so happy and wants to study at school?! But, it happened, our last name was called, Allochka left with the children through the school doors, and I happily remained in the nearest park waiting for the call from class so that we could go home together. So many stories, impressions, and not a word about the fact that she is different from the children in color - blue. Yes, I used to think that children are cruel, and even a stutterer can be bullied..., I was wrong, that means...

The bedroom has remained her room since Allochka’s birth, and I slept on the sofa in the room at night, putting a screen on at night; if I rested during the day, then without a screen. Miracles began exactly the year Alla went to school. A few days later, she announced to me that she had been tested and transferred to second grade A. This surprised me very much, what if such issues are not resolved without me, the father? And my daughter told me at parent meetings that I didn’t need to go, since she was the best in the class and parents of excellent students had nothing to do at meetings. Well.., I had no doubt that I had a child prodigy growing up.

One day a colleague came, he dropped by for a minute, I took some papers home to work at night, it was Sunday, and he was also working at home, I needed some papers, which I took with me. I was talking to him in the kitchen, Allochka came out to the voices, she stood in the door and listened to us. I watched her from behind my colleague and really wanted her to leave. Why was there talk in the team about the fact that my daughter has blue skin? He turned sharply and literally... no, not literally, I definitely saw it with my own eyes - he passed through Alla. It flashed through my head - he knocked the child down! But the colleague, as if nothing had happened, walked to the door and it slammed.
- Allochka... did he knock you down? I don’t understand anything... did he pass through you? I saw this, just now... how can this be? Aren't you in pain?!
She smiled at me and said:
- Dad, it seemed to you that I stepped aside, he didn’t hit me.
And suddenly.., go crazy!!! This is something incredible, Alla stood in front of me with normal skin color!

I immediately grabbed her by the hand and dragged her into the room to the window, squatted down in front of her and began to look more closely - there was no trace of blue.
- Alla, your skin light is normal, how could this happen, daughter?!
- I understood your thoughts, you were embarrassed that your colleague would see me, so I changed the color to the one you wanted.
- So, it means that you and I don’t get sick either thanks to your qualities? Your hand is on my head and it stops hurting, on my throat, if I have a cold, and I’m also healthy?! Miracles!!! Allochka, you don’t need anyone to know about your qualities. You see, Juna opened up to people and now she has no personal life at all, she is in the public eye, and for you, a child, it will be unbearably difficult. The poor will leave, and your childhood will end, we will not be able to shop together, walk on the street, go to the zoo, or cook together. You and I won't have time for that. And what about studying, you also need time to study? No one, you hear, no one except us should know anything like that. OK?
- Okay, but tell your colleague to go to the hospital, he has a tumor in the liver area, I just saw it.
I told my colleague, to my surprise, he was not surprised, but as if it was necessary, he was immediately examined. There was cancer in the early stages, which he had to fight, but still overcome.
To his question about my diagnosis, I immediately gave him the answer I had prepared in advance:
- I dreamed that you yourself told me in a dream that you had liver cancer.
He thanked me, and I just sighed with relief - it went away.

That same year, for my birthday, Allochka gave me this card, she made it herself, I saw how she worked on it. About my mother, it’s strange, she never asked, didn’t even ask to see her photograph, although it’s possible that she was rummaging through the albums and saw it, but she didn’t want to hurt me.
Allochka, growing up, looked more and more like Lena. At thirteen, she stated that she had received her high school diploma and would like to become a doctor and go to medical school. Knowing that Alla is a very developed girl, and a beautiful one, she looks fifteen years old, and the students..., in a word..., persuaded her to wait a couple of years, until her fifteenth birthday, to enroll.

So it was, I bought her medical books, which she chose in special stores, and subscribed to the magazine “Health”. Allochka almost all the time in her room either repeated in Latin what the bones in the human skeleton are called, or she enthusiastically told me about the interesting diseases she had read that occur in mental patients, showing photographs in the book. For her birthday she received a computer, they had just started appearing on sale, how could I not give such a miracle to my daughter, my beloved doll?

I went with her to all the entrance exams, took a leave of absence and was worried about her, although... if not such a smart girl gets in, then who will? I waited on the street when she came out, they immediately went to the nearest cafeteria, ordered food there and she enthusiastically told me all the details that happened during the exams. Without a doubt, Allochka entered the institute; I myself saw with my own eyes the list where her name and surname were! We celebrated this event with a week of outdoor fishing. Tent, fire, fish soup in a cast iron pot, admiring sunsets and sunrises. They returned and Alla immediately left with her group to the collective farm to harvest the harvest. For a whole month I didn’t know what to do with myself, I wasn’t distracted by the TV, nor was I drawn to the street alone. I would go into her room and imagine myself as her: is she comfortable in this room, is it cozy, is she enjoying it? I thought and thought and thought about Allochka’s future.

Finally she returned and everything was fine, the student was studying, dad was working. Once Allochka told me about a guy, his name is Sasha, he is a fifth-year student, and she loves him madly! My eyes were burning, and my heart sank – she had just turned sixteen! I can’t forbid such a precocious, developed girl from what she already naturally requires? What if this Sasha knocks her up? What kind of guy would walk by the hand, is it conceivable, a fifth year student! Yes, he has probably rearranged the entire institute! Well...what will be will be. I raised Allochka, and I raised Bellochka.

Soon their relationship became so serious that Alla stayed with this Sasha to spend the night, and I couldn’t find a place for myself alone in the apartment, I felt like I was suffocating, I didn’t have enough air, at the very thought that one day Alla would leave here forever. Sasha also stayed overnight with us, assuring me on the very first evening that he and Alla were serious, he loved her very much, and as soon as she reached adulthood, they would get married right away. Alla said that one evening, namely on New Year’s, she gave me this “gift” - she was pregnant!

And how much joy and happiness there is in her eyes! Sasha was also glowing, it was visible even without glasses - he was no less happy than Alla. Alla’s belly grew and became rounder, books such as “Mother and Child” appeared, Sasha moved to live entirely in her room. And I was already having thoughts about whether to leave Alla’s apartment and stick to one of our singles, especially since I really like the single woman with her son from the standardization department there. My name is Natasha and she smiles sweetly at me, we talk longer than what happens with other colleagues.

Alla called me at work, just like that, the bell rang at my desk and Alla’s excited voice said:
- Dad, don’t worry, my water broke, the ambulance is already at the door, they said they’ll take me to the fifth maternity hospital, I’m there. That's it, I love you, kiss you!!!
I managed to scream into the already beeping receiver:
- Not on the fifth!!! Anywhere, but not at five! Alla...
He immediately took off and, without saying a word to anyone, rushed by taxi to the maternity hospital. When I wanted to find out about my daughter, they told me that they had never received such a daughter. I rushed to the house and called all the ambulances from the apartment - there was no call to that address, I called the maternity hospital - they didn’t receive a call with that name today. Again near the fifth maternity hospital, trying to prove to them that my daughter should only be with them!
He even called Sasha’s last name, but the answer was negative and they sympathetically showed him out the door. I ran around the hospital, looked out the windows and shouted at the top of my lungs: Alla.., Alla.., daughter!!! Show yourself, Allochka!!! I cried, I was ready to tear out my hair and clothes, but from the windows I was watched by strange women, pregnant, with bundles of babies in their arms, simply dressed in dressing gowns, who had already given birth.

I rushed home to Sasha, he ended up with his parents, Sasha went out onto the landing:
- Sasha.., Alla called me at work and said that she was giving birth, they took her to the fifth maternity hospital, but she was NOT there!!! Nowhere!!! Sasha, you understand, Alla has disappeared!!! She called an ambulance, but apparently bandits arrived, they stole her and will probably ask for ransom! She's pregnant and giving birth!!! These bastards will ruin both her and the child! They have no experience!!! You need to report it to the police immediately!!!! If only she were still alive!!! God!!! Sasha, I don’t know what to do?!!!

But Sasha stood and listened to me with sympathy.
- Sorry, but what do I have to do with it? I don’t have one, and never had one, a woman named Alla? This is the first time I've seen you. If your daughter was stolen, then contact the police, I’m just a medical student.
- How.., Sasha!!! You lived with Alla and me!!! Sasha!
- No..., I've never seen you. Ah.., however, sometimes you were really waiting for someone..., I remembered everything..., you were waiting for someone near the institute and then left alone, talking to yourself, often to the cafeteria across the street.
- No..., I was with my daughter...
- You left alone, waited and left alone... I don’t even know what your name is, but are you talking about the fact that I lived with you? Doesn't this seem strange to you? It seems to me that you need a good psychiatrist. Sorry, I don't have any more time, it's a pity... I really have to leave...
Sasha turned and walked through his door.

I went home.. and rushed into the papers where Allochka’s certificates for each year should be, they were empty papers, white, clean sheets. Instead of her birth certificate, it turned out to be Lena’s and my divorce certificate, but everything was the same in the closet, in the environment that was with her. It seems like it was, but it seems like it wasn’t? Yes, I rushed to the framed photograph in the hall, but there was a photograph of Lena, but.., behind it on the shelf I found this postcard that Alla drew and signed herself... I know this for sure, I couldn’t do it myself draw this card and...

Nikolaevna, you just said that it was drawn and written by a child - a girl? Where did I get it from? Did I really live for so many years with the phantom of the girl who died then, and I didn’t steal her, and the employee who came out the door then had bags in both hands, and not a child in a blanket? ? I raised her in my imagination, which means... I’ve been suffering from hallucinations for so many years, I managed not to lose my job during this time, I lived alone?! But.., could I really draw this postcard like a child - a girl? Sign it for yourself and give it as a gift... is that how it works? How can I live now without Allochka... how?

Oleg.., before your revelation you yourself gave the answer that your daughter is an alien... It is possible that she will appear in your life again, it is possible that the stress associated with this maternity hospital and the fear of now losing your granddaughter gave an impetus back to your condition. Imagine that Alla lives with Sasha, but very far away, on another planet, they love you, but meeting you is painfully difficult, the technique has not reached such heights as getting into other dimensions. Everything is fine with them, know this, they all exist, but there... from where you subconsciously pulled her here. And to your question: was there Allah? My answer to you is, of course it was...

2009