Crazy - english

Русский - http://proza.ru/2006/06/10-284
Deutsch - http://proza.ru/2021/08/20/820

- Hi...
- Hi...
Tanya turned sharply and looked at the mannequin. He was standing motionless, she began to look around... but someone said "hello", right? For days now, as soon as she saw this mannequin, Tanya has been going to this huge, four-story Karstadt store. For days now Tanya has been thinking of him as alive, knowing perfectly well that he is not a human being... Fool, it is just a doll, a mannequin, made by a master from a male model of a handsome guy, perfectly understands and yet she thinks about him. She makes plans, she dreams, she..., no, she does not want to meet that guy, Tanya wants to see that mannequin all the time.

Even Tanya has given him a name, short like hers, Alex. Simple in appearance, Tanya never dreamed that she would suddenly fall in love like this, she began to think, and in general she did not make plans about any guys, men, her future. It's all silly, we give ourselves headaches, we should just live..., live for ourselves, for others in her twenty-two years Tanya had profited, and she had admired the "happiness" of others. Take Tanya's mother as an example... Okay, about her later... Well, he definitely said "hello"... And if he's crazy? Let it go... Let him go rather than live in such a cruel reality, which is disgusting for Tanya at her twenty-two years...

Tanya began to look at the men's suit, but out of the corner of her eye she squinted at the mannequin. "Right..., just now, she thought he moved. Just now she thought it moved. Had she slept so badly all those nights that she was dizzy? - Tanya thought, "Nevertheless, let me live in an illusion, deceiving myself, but I will not suffer from the actions of other people.
A saleswoman came up to Tanya and asked:
- Can I help you to choose, do you like this suit? - and pointed at a mannequin.
- No, no...
Tanya abruptly turned and went to the exit, turning to Alex in her mind:
"Bye, love, I'll come back tomorrow..." No, I need to close my business and get a job here. I'll start here to study to be a saleswoman, and then I'll grow up to be a cashier, but we'll be together from morning till night... Even if they don't put me on a higher floor, I'll come here every chance I get. Can't that salesgirl see how handsome Alex is? He's different from all the other mannequins, isn't he? How did she say that indifferently and point in his direction? If even a non-existent "hello" sounded in my brain, let..., I will create my own world, where Alex and I will live, and let the others betray, hurt, figure out relationships. Alex and I are the perfect couple, we have our own world... where we'll never, ever let anyone else go.

Tanya did not notice how she reached her small two-room apartment while thinking about the meanness of people and their imperfections. It is a four-story house not far from the Karstadt store. She rented the apartment from an old granny who respected Tanya very much for her cleanliness, paying her rent without delay, living quietly, not smoking herself, and therefore not setting a fire. Her grandmother lived in an apartment next door, where Tanya would wash and clean the apartment once a week, or even buy something from the store.

Tanya got a job as an apprentice at the Karstadt store and wondered why she hadn't gotten the idea before. The first month she worked in the perfume department, this is just near the men's clothing, turned Alex unnoticed so that his face was visible, not even turned, but moved to another place. No one noticed, and she admired him from front to back all day. At lunchtime, she'd go up to Alex and talk to him when no one else was around:
- "Honey, I miss you, so much. I dreamt about you, we were riding a motorcycle... I want to steal you, but I haven't figured out how?
And Tanya thought, no... she definitely saw him smiling at her with his eyes, the corners of his lips. Once, when she was going home, Tanya purposely walked next to him and looked Alex in the face and said:
- Bye, see you tomorrow, don't miss me...
When she was three meters away from him, she heard a clear:
- Bye...
Tanya stopped, someone was clearly laughing at her, she looked everywhere carefully, but did not see anyone. Well yes, of course it was Alex who said it, why not? Tanya came back, stood in front of him and looking into his eyes said:
- I'm going to steal you, my love!

She was used to getting fewer and fewer phone calls about her abandoned firm, and her firm was a specialist in opening locks, called "Sim, sim open. Tanya could easily and quickly open any door, any lock, as well as replace the lock herself immediately with a new one, if it was necessary to break the lock in the door. Now Tanya's life has changed dramatically, she has a handsome man in her life, a man who will never betray her, will not betray her, will not make a scandal. One bad thing, he was still in the store, and how to steal him from there, ideas came into her head one raving idea after another, unfolding in her brain from funny thoughts to thoughts about detectives.

Tanya lived near her work and her car, in which she went on calls to clients, was mostly parked in front of her windows, Tanya had nowhere else to go. On Sundays Tanya could not find her place, she waited for Monday, she waited for her meeting with Alex, and so half a year passed... Tanya, like every morning, came to work, she had to replace one employee in the sweets department today, everything was fine, but now she couldn't see Alex at all, because of that escalator that covered the whole men's clothing department. If Alex is to be moved inconspicuously, then he should definitely be in the cards, or in the books department. No, that's not realistic. She ran to tell him, "Do not lose me, I'm right here, but Alex, and other mannequins were not there, and one of the trainees hung neatly suits, removed from the mannequins. Tanya jumped up to her:
- Where are all the mannequins?!
- Under the stairs, by the door, a car will come for them and take them to the trash, got new ones.
- Which entrance?!
- At the main entrance, on the subway side...


Alex was lying naked on top, without an arm..., Tanya started looking for Alex's arm.
An employee came up and asked, "What are we looking for? Tanya began excitedly explaining to him that this particular mannequin was the one the supervisor told her to keep, and the trainee had thrown it away as well, now it was urgent to find the hand, put it back in the clothes department. The man found the hand quickly, attached it, and Tanya took Alex under another staircase, hid it behind some empty cardboard boxes. Ran back to the department, told the employee she felt really bad and went home. As soon as she was outside, she immediately ran home and grabbed her car keys and drove to the main entrance.
 
- Alex, I'll save you!!! I'll hide you at my place, now fate itself has given us a chance to be together. Now you will always be by my side and mine!
Destiny itself played with them, and on Tanya's side with Alex, no one noticed anything. Alex is at Tanya's apartment...
- Beloved, I understand that you feel uncomfortable like this, they all did a mean thing to you, but it will never happen to you again. People are cruel, they use you and throw you out, it's not always, but it often is. But, I'm not like that, I love you!
Tanya put Alex on the couch, covered her neck carefully with a plaid and, taking money from the Greek vase on the floor, went to buy Alex all the men's clothes. But not to Karstadt, because she was sick today...

Carrying everything for Alex in the bags, she walked into a sex shop that sold all kinds of "interesting" things, who knew that Tanya would ever buy something for herself there, or even go there at all? Did she need it? Yes, she needed it tonight, she was going to spend the night with her beloved Alex, she was going to give herself to him and become a woman. In the morning, putting a cheese sandwich in front of him and making coffee, she will say:
- Honey, are you surprised that I've been a girl so far? I've been waiting for you... I'm a woman now, but as much as you don't want to have children, I'm totally against it, we're not having them, I'll never buy a baby doll, never, I've raised six of them. Then she takes Alex from the kitchen to the room, puts him in sweatpants and a T-shirt, puts him in a chair, and sits down opposite on the couch, telling him all about herself.

- Can you imagine, while you were asleep, I was looking at myself in the mirror, looking so closely, and what has changed in me? I woke up today on your shoulder, what happiness that we are together, because I could stand there for years. Alex, don't be offended... I'll tell you all about myself and you'll understand why I don't want children?
Tanya moved Alex to the couch and sat next to him, taking his hand. You see, at first everything was fine, my father loved me and my mother until I was seven, and then he had another woman. Mom felt it right away, and the scandals and tears started, Dad even hit Mom, and soon he left home altogether. Mom, apparently to spite him, immediately started looking for another man through ads in the newspapers. When she went to the first one she decided to meet, for a date, he came to the meeting immediately with his things, he had just been released from prison, and the fact that the address was a prison by correspondence, my mother had not even guessed before. He had nowhere to go. Mom sighed and warned him he could try, but if she said "go away," then he would leave right away.

The man very soon made the mother pregnant and now she herself was afraid that he would suddenly leave. But he promised me that he was done with the past, and he was a thief in the past. It was like a hobby, it would come in handy, he immediately started teaching me how to open locks and doors with different wires, and I opened them all in the entrance hall, and immediately slammed them back, so to speak, practice. A couple of times Dad even got inside the apartments, and I stood on the stairs and made sure the front door to the entryway didn't slam. But, the neighbors didn't report anywhere, which meant Dad wasn't taking anything from them, just watching them live? Kids came pouring out of my mother and stepfather, and I had to take care of them. And that was the end of my childhood. And my father and my mother smoked and drank in the apartment. It was unbearably crowded, noisy, and often hungry. My younger siblings were wearing each other's clothes, the tenants gave us what they could, and we ourselves took bags from the Red Cross boxes, with linens, curtains, and anything else people would share with the third world. Alex, can you imagine, I've got," Tanya cupped her finger across her throat, "these kids sitting right here.

I don't understand, so the mother found someone for herself, but why do I, the child, have to carry all this burden, all this horde, and drag them along with me? Why? My childhood was stolen from me, I'm only twenty-two years old, and I'm tired of living, of seeing these scandals, these drunken faces, these showdowns, and which one is better? I don't believe anyone, I don't believe that I, with my simple appearance, with my small stature, can have love..., someone will suddenly start treating me well..., yeah..., at first, until..., until the first finding out, who is the boss at home?
Tanya looked Alex in the eyes...
- You, you alone understand me, you alone... I knew that you needed me, that we were the perfect couple... I've been carrying these ads and newspapers from gate to gate, from lady to house, from door to door since I was twelve. Instead of playing with dolls like my friends, I was raising my siblings. My mother gave birth, for whom, did I ask her to give birth to them?
Tanya cried...
- I'm sorry, I was talking...
And suddenly, no..., that's right, she clearly heard a pleasant voice:
- Tanya...
Tanya looked at the door, went to the window, no one was calling... She looked at Alex, she thought he smiled at her.
Let, well, well..., it will be my secret from everyone, my world, into which I will not let anyone, I will not trust anyone, it's you – Alex.

When Tanya left for work, she would put Alex against the window and say:
- You won't be bored, I'll try to come back soon, and you should admire Hamburg, the people..., don't hold a grudge against them like I did, even though they did a mean thing to you, threw you out..., after all these years of work and like garbage... People... Yes, what to buy for lunch and evening? I'm working till three in the afternoon this week.
At the silence of her favorite, she told herself:
- "All right, I'll take some left-overs.
She would smack Alex on the cheek and run away.

For almost a year Tanya lived in her inner world and was secretly happy. Then the old lady who had rented her apartment to her died, one day her grandson, who had inherited the apartment next door, showed up on the doorstep. He came to meet his tenant. Tanya didn't like the type, but he was the landlord and she asked him to come back in about ten minutes. After hiding Alex in the closet, asking him not to be jealous, she herself called the grandson of the dead grandmother in the apartment and invited to see his possessions. He was quite full, haughty, and looked at Tanya as if her well-being and peace of mind now depended on him. Otto left, but the impression of the acquaintance was not pleasant. Tanya put Alex on the couch again and started talking to him:
- I didn't like him at all, at all... Kind of creepy..., I don't know what, but something bad is going to happen to this guy towards me... Will you protect me?
Again she heard her own fantasized „yes.“

Everything in the apartment was exactly as Tanya had left it, nothing had been touched, nothing had been moved, but she sensed - someone was in the apartment! Alex stood just like that at the window, and admired Hamburg, but something was wrong, someone was... Nothing was touched, but as if the smell, traces invisible, his presence left here. Tanya, only when she drank her coffee and told Alex about the past day, was able to put out of her mind this unpleasant feeling - someone had been here... And it was Otto, he was a clever guy, he put video cameras everywhere in the shower, in the bedroom, in the room, bugs listening in and now sat in his apartment and laughed at Tanya, at her secret - Alex. He sat by the screen day and night, and immediately put everything on the Internet, everything, how she lay in bed and stroked her mannequin, what she said, what she called her. He called his buddies and they too were amused, watching the young woman's behavior, her masturbations, the way she changed her clothes, slept naked, putting a pillow and her head on the mannequin's shoulder.

Tanya..., why don't you open the doors next door, like your stepfather taught you, wonder what's going on behind the wall of your apartment? Well, feel that something is wrong... Summer is ending, the trees and bushes are slowly beginning to change their light, dropping their leaves. Tanya loves Alex, Alex loves Tanya, and everyone is happy. Tanya opened the door with the key, walked in and was dumbfounded, Alex was lying on the middle of the palace on the floor, his face disfigured by acid, the paint had come off and the acid had turned Alex's shirt and jeans into rags. Tanya stood still, afraid to believe what she just saw. Who..., who needed to convince her, a young woman already disappointed in people long ago, one more time? Who needed to break into her life, the secret and destroy, so cherished happiness? Who was the villain? Why did they do this to her and Alex? Who were they both in the way? Tanya lay down next to Alex. She imagined them lying next to each other in bed, how beautiful his gray eyes were, and that she would never see them again, never...

Then she got up, picked Alex up, and, without looking at his disfigured face, carried him toward the exit:
- Alex, you and I have to get away from this world, from all the people, to a place where they don't exist...
Outside, opening the doors, she put Alex in the seat next to the driver's seat, went to her apartment herself, while Otto watched out the window and commented to someone on the phone, laughing:
- Crazy put him in the car and went into the house herself...
Tanya found duct tape in the apartment, and went outside again. The car was hurtling along the autobahn and the fact that it was being photographed from every bridge for speeding by police photo cameras, it did not bother her in any way anymore. Tanya turned into a clearing where the corn was already harvested and the field was clear. The car drove in the direction of the woods. Then it stopped against a thick tree, and the engine stalled. Tanya wrapped insulation tape around the steering wheel so that the rescue cushion wouldn't pop out of control on impact. Turned to Alex, looking at the trunk and foliage of the tree ahead:

- Alex, you know..., there are people whose childhoods were hard. But it only hardened them and they are real fighters, afraid of nothing and no one. There are some people who are victims of a hard childhood, all their problems are connected and come from there. So, I am one of the latter... I don't need their, people, such "happiness", through tears and sorrow extracted, I don't need a life in a vest, in piano keys. They, the people, have done to you again in a cruel way. With you, not alive, hurting me too. All I had was you, Alex, not once betraying me, not cheating on me, not hurting me with words. You are in pain, acid ate your face, I am in unbearable pain too, this acid, splashed in your face, got into my soul... I'm painful, darling, we can't stay here, we can't live here... I'm sorry...
Tanya unbuckled Alex's safety belt, her own, and turned the key. The car started, rushed forward and crashed into a tree... 

2009

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