Lessons

We make mistakes. We learn. As Russians say, never step on the same rake. How about similar rake? Only wise people can avoid that! So here is my story…

My old girlfriend (which my new girlfriend called a bitch – well, everyone have right to their own opinion), anyway, she once taught me a lesson. Never ever forget your condoms if there is even a SLIGHTEST chance that you may use them! Well, we are not living in the freaking desert, so you can always buy them, condoms. However, when the clock is ticking, and you, instead of doing something better, run like a madman in the search of condoms, well, that does not help! After all, we are not sex machines any more. So, I learned my lesson and lived happy since then. Until… It was a fantastic day! My virtual mistress will be in town. Well, almost – it’s a bit of a drive, but sure I can make it and still be back by night! I’ll see her in flesh! It’s been so long… AND so happens that this is her birthday! AND she stops in this gorgeous hotel just on the ocean beach. AND to finish the story, it was snowing that day! And I mean it – it was fucking snowing right here in California! Now THAT happens once in god knows how many years! When I was driving through the mountain pass at 80 mph, it looked like a goddamn lake Tahoe or anything. I thought for a moment, it would be fun to drive back drunk and in the dark, and they promised more snow that night, but whatever… After spending a good chunk of my precious time trying to find parking, I’ve parked in some obscure place and tried to walk to the hotel. Then I saw the hotel couple of miles away. Well, that would be a complete PIZDETS (untranslatable Russian expression, something like a “disaster”). Fortunately, I decided to find a parking somewhere near the hotel. But there, maximum time in a meter was 2 hours. Well, I thought, I promised to drive her around town… Then I’ll need to take her to a restaurant, it’s her birthday after all. So we are unlikely to spend more than 2 hours in the room. Oh boy, was I stupid! This way, I divided our short time in 2 hour segments! Instead of running wild once, I had to run every two fucking hours, or to be precise, about an hour and a half! Now, you may think – what a greedy bastard, who cares for the goddamn parking ticket in situation like this. Ten bucks, twenty bucks, whatever… Fuck the money! The ticket would go to my home, straight to my lovely spouse! Have mercy, people! Well, the first segment of course was devoted to drinking champagne and the traditional women’s game: “say NO, show YES”. Then – a mad rush down to the fucking meter, just in my shirt, and it was fucking cold too, as I mentioned. The snow looked great from the window, but… Well, if there was anything good in the next segment, it was poisoned by the thought how much better it could be if the clock was not ticking again. And to explain to her why I have to run… Holly fucking shit! Finally, in the last segment I DID have to take her to the restaurant. Not only because I’m a fucking gentleman, but because, drunk and hungry, I would’ve certainly crashed my fucking car in that goddamn snow. Well, after all, everything worked well anyway. I did see her in flesh and all. Just take care of your parking! And don’t forget your condoms… That’s all…