Ridiculous Fate

 Ridiculous Fate
 

Prolog


 I’m a soldier and I’m going to my death…
But yesterday I was thinking how beautiful it going to be when I go back to my house. It probably will be summer, so I’ll go to our sum-
mer house in the village. I wanted it to be, but I’m going to my death…
 Actually, I’m not losing so many things, just my soul. I don’t think
I’m losing it, just giving freedom to my soul. That “freedom” for which
I’m here in the war. So when I’m killing my enemies I’m giving them
their freedoms. How ridiculous…
 I haven’t got so many things in my life: just useless certificate from
university, girls who approached me so many times because I was little
strange, my friends who tired trying to stop me when wanted to go to the war and my simple rank “sarge”…
 But that’s not so awful that I’m not going to return back to my sum-
mer house. Because I remember how my uncle shouted after me, “If
you go now, we never let you in, NEVER…!!!”. And of cause, I can’t for-
get, how last winter my MOM died from pain and excitement she was feeling about me. So where I’m going to return?- Answer is: there’s nowhere I can live freely. To find that freedom I should go to death.
Yea…I’m going to…
 I’m not going to be alone there. There going to e my murdered DAD,
my lovely MOM and my relatives, all of them.
 Here, I reached to the end…
That’s the bomb which I must blow, to my soldiers live, win the batt-
le and then all the war. Now I should push the button…
OK…I did that…
 



 Chapter One: Back to Reality


Initial introduction:
 Gore Glenski was just a simple guy who was living in a simple country. No matter in which country, that’s not so important. But you can guess his nationality by the end of his last name “ski”. His dad was an artist- movie director. He wasn’t so rich but neither poor. He made just a few low budget movies and was invited to the theater to work there for pretty good money. So maybe he reached the place he wanted. He never wanted to be a great director like Quentin Tarantino, Luc Besson, Alfred Hitchcock or just Steven Spielberg- he just didn’t have so much talent and he knew that. By the way his name was Tored-Tored Glenski.
If we talk about his mother, she’s just a beautiful woman who wanted only one thing which she thought she had-“a happy family”. Actually, she had that till the moment of this story’s start. She left her family just to be with poor artist, with her only love, with her fate- with Tored and she became to Mrs. Glenski- Marta Glenski. But her dad was really rich by all means of the word. But that wasn’t problem for them, because her dad agreed to his daughter’s future life plans.
 When Marta and Tored married they just left all the old memories of their lives. They were just a couple who wanted to write their own memories- new and happy ones. They just made that…
 The first chapter of their memory book was their diamond, their treasure, their life’s meaning- their son Gore. He was really smart guy. But with one little problem, maybe not so little…and that problem was with his head, brain, in mental degree. But he wasn’t insane; on the contrary, his brain was working much harder than others’. So he was something like a genius…
 Maybe he was a genius but it didn’t save him from the car accident. And it started…
Comma mode:
 What’s that? What’s happening? Where am I? My god I see that white spot in the end of the gallery…but what gallery is it…?
Damn…it’s my “Life Gallery”. All pictures are just moving…NOOO… These are just episodes of my life in movie format. I’ve read about this kind of white spots from people before their deaths…Shit NOOO…!!?
But…but that’s impossible. Where am I...? Am I dead…???
 
Real mode:
 Gore was in the hospital. His doctor just came in and what she saw first was the quickly moving sticks in the life showing system. She just went out and start talking to Gore’s parents.
 Mr. Glenski was in the theater so she called Marta,
-Please, sit down Mrs. Glenski.
-Thanks, I prefer standing.
-No, you better sit down… I got two news for you and I’m going to start with the good one. Your son will wake up from coma soon, very soon…but…
-But…? - asked Marta like she was shocked.
-Yea, but maybe he’s going to have some mental problems or maybe in mental degree he’s going to be OK, but he’ll be paralysis…anyway, he just going to live like a turtle in the glass aquarium…- she told that like she was joking.
-What are you saying…? You are talking about my son and he’s strong, he’s smart, he’s cute…but even if he’s not…that doesn’t mean that he is a fucken turtle…-Marta shouted to all hospital…
 She was just a mother who was ready to everything for her only son.
-Please, calm down Mrs. Glenski and please take these pills. They’ll help you. I’m sorry for the really stupid joke I made… I can call nurses and they’ll help you.
-I don’t want they help me. I just want you help my son. This was recommended hospital with recommended doctors.
-I’m sorry Mrs. Glenski but…
-I don’t need you to be sorry…just help to my son…NOW…I want my son the way he was and he wasn’t a fucken turtle, I just want him back…!!!
 She screamed crying and just crashed from the stairs where she was standing. That was a normal “mother reaction”, I guess…
But no matter how much she loved her son, how loud she shouted- she couldn’t help him with anything. And that was the only reason which made her mad…

Comma mode:
 -Ohm…I think this gallery don’t got the end…I’m walking and walking all the time…-when he turned around he realized that he is in the black room with the black door opening nowhere(actually, I wanted to show “black” like a saint color. May be all you think that, after death world going to be white everywhere. Let’s give to it black color, why not?... Please, don’t got me wrong. I just wanted to change, destroy, blow the “bad” image of black color. Everyone is thinking like “if something is black then that’s BAD”…, and this kind of things makes racist ideas or just racist ideology make it work…I’m just against it, against RACISM).
But Gore, he wasn’t afraid. He felt a lil’, warm wind though the door’s key place. Then, when Gore looked he saw his parents and doctors surrounding the door. Maybe he just didn’t think that he is looking from his own minds…, maybe that key place was his own mental eyes…
Who knows…???
 Again when he turned around he was in the big, really huge store full of the different kinds of keys. Gore was shocked…he mumbled:
- OK…this is just a foolish joke huhhh???
At first it was “Life Gallery” and now just stupid “key gallery”…So what the fuck is going on…? - At same moment he heard very loud voice saying,
-Look to yourself, all these keys are words…Yea, words…
I’m sure that you’ve heard the phrase “key word”…You should look exactly for that phrase if you want to leave this place…just look to your- self…don’t worry for anything. You have nothing to lose cuz’ you already have lost everything…
-Hey…MAN…I AM in myself actually (like he joked)…and…wait, hey wait that was…yea damn, that was my own voice…OK…I’m dead and plus I’m MAD…that’s cool, really cool. For phrase…which phrase…??? And what did you mean when you said that I’ve “already lost everything”…???
 I have many things…: I have full life with problems which I want to solve, with friends I want to chill, with future I want to grow or just with girls I want to fuck…I HAVE FULL LIFE TO LIVE…Yea, I have it…!
And when he shouted that again, he was in same black room. But with lil’ difference: the door was open…What does that mean???
 Answer is in the END………in the all meanings of this word…!!!

Author mode:
 But reality is much more different than life in comma. In comma we depend on ourselves, there’s no one else…just we with our “ME”…and no one else…But in real life so many people are coming and going to your life, even to personal. But awful part is: there’re bad people too, I mean all around, and they are much more than others, I mean goods…
 There’s no one we can trust…I’m talking about real trust, that trust which makes us live, grow, love, respect or just survive in bad people’s surround. That’s not so awful, cuz’ there’re much more important problems in the world, for example: hungry kids all over the Africa, people dying by pollution, corruption governments in “III World Countries”, mafias directing the huge countries, drug dealers fucking the future of the youth, dictators sucking the bloods of their slaves and then just blah…blah…blah…
And all these problems are depending on people to be solved. Because, people can’t live without problems and their solves…
 You may ask-“what is the similarity or the deal between all these and Gore…??? ”
 Very little but there’s: the people whom he trusted just forgot him.
But, maybe they were right, cuz’ who needs the guy with so many unsolved problems?- No one, even his friends, girlfriend and some of relatives, actually, more part of them…
 Are you shocked? - Me not. Cuz’ I am one of guys who thinks the same way. But my difference is that, I understand why I think all these, and I respect everyone who thinks the same way…
 Let’s analyze something:-why does Gore want to wake up?
- I guess, to continue his life the way it was. But he didn’t expect that, nothing is same now…not him, neither his life…
 Ridiculous part of the story will be the stage, when he wakes up. Because, everyone who loves him, wishes goods for him, wants him to wake up and live all his life just like piece of meat on wheels.
But question is: - Is that justice?
-You better think before you say “NO”, because you don’t even know the inside world of him. Actually, that’s the hardest part to know…
Anyway…

Real mode:
 Doctor saw how his life showers stabilized and she shouted with glad voice for nurse,
- Nurse, call Mrs. Glenski! We’ll return her son back…
 When nurse was looking for Marta, she has found her praying. Nurse tried to say the news to Marta, but Marta raised her finger like she was asking to wait. Marta- she was pure catholic and she was praying:
-Jesus…, I’m asking you…I’m asking you like I’ve never asked before…
I’m asking for my child…the child whom you gave us and made us the happiest people in the world. Please,-she was asking crying- make him, make Gore, and make our son the happiest, too…please…!!!
Then she turned to nurse:
-Ohm…, I’m sorry…sorry, what were you saying?
-Mrs. Glenski, your son…he’ll be ok!!!- and nurse smiled with the tears on her face. They just hugged each-other, and then Marta reached to that room with light force. After few seconds she was standing behind the door of her son, of Gore. Marta was exciting like in the first day when she gave birth to Gore and saw him just after he borned. In this case he was going to born again, I mean, mentally. So, she looked to the mirror close the door and went with the hope to see the myrical…and she saw what she really wanted to see…the myrical…!


 

 Chapter Two: Realizing the Cruelty


Real mode:
 After two years Gore was same as he was: same weird guy with same problems, same friends and same relations. I can’t say that everyone was looking to Gore like normal guy. But he wasn’t, Gore always was weird. It was only reason keeping Marta calm.
 Gore lost his popularity in his high school. Yeah, he was 18 and preparing to continue his education in the collage. But still it was problem for him to be ignored by girls he knew in his before comma life. Gore was trying to write stories or letters to girls he knew, because he was writing well or something like that. But every time, that “love letters” were becoming to articles full of pain and his emotions- which also were full of pain. I’m sure that, you’re trying but can’t guess what it was like. Ok, let me help you. I can show you one of those stories of Gore called “Hate and Love” for example:

Writing mode:
 Hate and Love…
So far and so near, so simple and so complex, just like the soul of man who hates and loves…
 Actually, we’re doing it in same time, with the same feelings, with the same emotions. If we learn to love just like we hate, I guess, it’ll be the real one…and when we learn to hate just like we love, I guess, it’ll be the worth one…
 I made mistake in my last sentence, of cause if you saw that. I’m sure that you don’t…
 But if you keep attend, you could understand that I’m using just opposite phrases to compare same degreed emotions. But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about putting in opposite fronts the phrases “real” and “worth”. Yeah, I Guess, that’s very rude mistake. “Why?” you may ask. But, do you really think that I can answer to this question?
-Actually not…
 But I’ll try to explain why I’ve asked this question-“why?”…
Because I just wanted to see in myself the answer and I think I’ve found…
 My mistake is very simple and rude: “real” can’t be opposite to “worth”, because “reality” is the worth thing in the world…actually, not only…
 Trust me, I know what I’m talking about…That’s pain, pain, pain…and that’s really the “REAL”…And that’s not just the mind of mine-of guy’s who’s just screaming his “life theory”…trust me not only…
 Maybe you can just judge all these like the part of “hate”…But you are wrong… because now I’m writing not about “hate” or “love”…I’m just writing about thin, little, invisible line between them…

Real mode:
 Yea…I guess now you can understand the outlook of Gore after comma. If you don’t then just know it was the same way. But there was just one plus that now he knew the things what others couldn’t see and understand. He still had his original life view and minds about life. His ways of thinking haven’t changed, it just become stronger and more original. Just like he was…
 But anyway…
 Let’s talk about the next stage of Gore’s life. There’re many things but I want to talk about one special part. That was one more girl in his life. Just one more sweetheart of Gore. Gore was describing her all the time for everyone he knew. Actually, he hasn’t had so many friends. But important part was that, it was enough for him to describe her for his best friends – his papers and his lovely pen. Why were they his best friends? - Actually, no one knows. But maybe the reason was that he couldn’t or just he didn’t want to share with it with his other friends, with his friends in real life mode. Maybe that was the reason why he loved writing too much.
 So let’s talk about that girl – Victoria. Victoria, she wasn’t so beautiful like Gore was describing her. But she really was so sweet and so good that Gore just loved her. She was thinking about Gore the same way like everyone, but with little difference, difference of outlook about him. For her Gore was weird but very, very, very sweet guy. And in this moment I want to say about the point which will make not so good results in the close future. Yea… she loved him, but like a friend. Gore was BF for Victoria, but not like “boy friend”, Gore was describing it in his style and BF for him was just “best friend”. One more weird accident in Gore’s life; one more jewel in his experience treasure; one more word in his fate book. I’m not going to write much about their relations, but I just want to show you what they were thinking about each other. And then just try to write little results of it, of their minds with their results…!


Victoria’s mental (mind) mode:
 Hmmm…You know, Gore is good guy, really good. And maybe sometimes he’s better than just “good”. He’s sensitive, polite, original, smart and cute, but I don’t like him for all these. I like his gift of suddenly changing from all these to rude, cruel, freak, weird, stupid and ugly. That’s wonderful how Gore’s changing his moods and characters like in one moment; like he’s going to another world and coming back in same moment; like I see the Angel who’s becoming to Devil and then becoming to the Saint again…I really can’t describe him. That’s not so easy; that’s not even hard or difficult; that’s just like I’ve seen in John Woo’s movie – “impossible”. I hope you know or just trying to understand what I’m talking about. I want to use the phrase of Gore for this case “Of cause you haven’t understood even a word…”. I guess, I’ll agree with this phrase, because, to understand Gore you have to be, to live or just travel with him. I guess our relations became cold. You may ask why? - Maybe because, if you matched I said that, I agree with his phrase, not with him…and it makes Gore really mad…maybe even more than just mad…
 Yeah…maybe Gore’s right about our relations which are going down every new day, day by day…
 Yeah… maybe he was right…But who cares about it right now???
Not even me…
 Yeah maybe it was that last point. The last point of our relations… When I thought that “even I’m not caring about him”, it was the Last Point. As all you know or you just don’t, the last point means “the end of the sentence”…the one more “black written” sentence in Gore’s fate book…
 I guess we are going to…NO…I’m sure that, we will break up…
 I’m sorry for Gore…but I’m sure that, it’s the right decision or just the greatest mistake of mine…
…Good Luck Mr. Gore Glenski…I’ll be proud of you…I hope…

Gore’s mental (mind) mode:
 I’m saying these words to every girl I meet:” I’m awful, dangerous, bad, sad, mad guy”. Yea…that’s what I’m saying.
But, you know, I told these words too many times and I guess, I believe to my own lies. Yea…Lies…
 Same lies are holding me on. So should I lie one more time? Should I make one more illusion?

Author mode:
 There was long time till I wrote the last phrase in this story. Reason was: I just hadn’t reason to write, I hadn’t reason to hate, I hadn’t reason to feel…even the pain…

P.S.: Sorry Gore for my pessimism…if someone else had written it you could have, maybe the best life…but I gave you the realest one…you better take care or no one else can’t do it for you…
Sorry but it took too long…I’m tired of making myself to believe that there can be any “happy end” in life, even inn written one…

Gore’s FIN mode:
 Even now I’m trying to be original, trying to secede…
I guess I should stop doing it, because I can’t be changed. I am original…maybe even lil’ more…
 Let me explain you how I’ll, I mean I want to, kill myself. But first let me explain you why I’m doing it. Just…I guess it’s just enough of me. Just enough…that’s all…

Gore’s method of dieing:
 When I was the kid, I was watching the “do it your way” show with Brand Doronich. Brand was making lil’ mechanisms, clocks, tables and such things. I liked doing them with him. I was watching and doing, but not always I could make it right. Actually, I made only one thing in my life and even it wasn’t complete. I made just a part of the radio set. It was thee part which was response for deal, connection, translation of radio waves between each radio set.
 I haven’t even imagined that, this simple “thing” will be the key for my death…
 I made lil’ chip, it was like pine, and swallowed it. Another chip, the contact one, was welded to my mobile phone. Then I drank lil’ amount of manganese, vinegar, soap and 50 grams of vodka. So I was waiting for one call…even the missed one…I was like time bomb…but only for 165 minutes…then poisonous substance should kill me…
 The time was 13:47 so I had time till 16:32 before I’ll die with stupid death…I need the call…
 All these were like the awful dream…but in real…and I couldn’t even do something to change anything…
 Why am I looking for another way??? I guess it was the way I wanted it to be…hmmm but I’m afraid…really afraid…not dieing…I’m afraid of being forgotten…before reaching something in life…before reaching anything…when I reached nothing…

Author mode:
 I’ll try to show you how the simple question can cost you the life...your life, how can it kill you…

Victoria’s mental mode:
 Who am I? ...Why am I living? …Where am I living? …What am I living? …How am I living? …Am I living???
 No one!...No idea!…Deep down!...Nothing!...Don’t even know!...I have to ask Gore…!!!

Gore’s mode:
 Damn, what am I doing???
 Am I too cool to kill, even if the person I’m killing is “me”???
 -No, I’m still weak…too weak…more than I ever were…
So I have to do even one brave thing in my life, lasting more than my “living process”…”surviving” was keeping me on, not “living”…now it’s time to switch it off and start living not the “process of it” or surviving…Let’s begin with switching off my mobile phone…and let it start, “anfangen”, “commencer”…

Victoria’s mode:
 Ok…calm down Victoria…your name means the victory, so just win your “ego”…call him…But first I have to do find his phone number…yea I love him “too much”…even delete him from my list…
 Here it is…: +555 5555555…and here let’s push “call”…

Gore’s mode:
 Where’s this damn phone…here it is…and let’s push “switch off”…
What the stupid question??? Of cause I’m sure if I want to lock it…
WHAT THE HELL……………….???

Real mode:
 When Gore tried to switch his phone off that stupid “thing” asked him “are you sure?”…
In this usual process problem was that, Victoria’s call coincided to this moment…

Author mode:
 Just like I told you…now you must understand what I meant…
That’s the way how questions are killing us…
Nothing special…just a one little, usual, banal question which cost Gore his life…maybe more…who knows…
What Gore could do???...Nothing…nothing else…just shout…

Gore’s mode:
-Nooo…

Gore’s mental mode:
-…ooo…

Gore’s “death” mode:
-…ooo!!!

Unknown mode:
 Ohhh…come on…again this “black room”…
What does it mean?
I’m dead or..???

 The END
 more different than American “happy one”…



 Epilog


Hmmm…
 My finger is on the button I guess…However, where is the loud burst and blood?
Maybe the best side of being dead is not realizing it. But why are my soldiers so happy? Of my death? I do not think so. What if I’m not dead? I always knew that stupid Nazis can’t even prepare the mine fields. All war will pass me by while I’ll talking with myself. I, better, run to my soldier or this time bullet can do what mine couldn’t. I have to run fast…or anything can happen.
 My finger some kind used to this button, but we have to go dear mine. Ok, now I better take my finger carefully…
 Damn…flying mines…I hate them…


Moral of the story:
 We are going to be in the place we want to be no matter where we will go…
 
 GGski