What happened?

That is Mitch’s favorite question. He actually asks it just because, when nothing really happened. I find it funny. Imagine the two of us talking on skype & then all of a sudden you hear nothing but “what happened?”

Imagine if something really happened. If I had a heart attach & couldn’t say a word. Or if all of a sudden we got disconnected, which is actually not that big of a deal, because it’s happened before & everything was fine in a few minutes.

I am always amazed by those people who can tell that something happened by just looking at you or hearing your voice on the phone. My mother unfortunately is not one of those people. She is a great person, a great friend, but mother? No. What happened? When I was 18 she moved out, I know it should’ve been the other way around, but my life is nothing but ordinary. I was all by myself, had like it seemed a million of problems, most of which could’ve been solved by simply paying for some of the stuff, but I had no money either. If any of you have ever found yourselves in a situation like this you know what I am talking about. My mom has always been a girl, she always looked young, everyone thought we were sisters, she acted like a girl too. I was an early bloomer & maybe she didn’t know what to do with me, fortunately other people did, so I became independent & responsible by the age of 16. Whenever she calls me I can always tell if anything is going on, so I do ask her “what happened?”, sometimes she tells me, sometimes she doesn’t, but she can never tell if something happened with me when we talk. Unfortunately we don’t see each other often either, last year we actually did, because of the guy I dated, he was a nice guy, just not my type. And when a person is not my type, I know nothing will change him, so I simple look at the whole situation as if I am not there, realize that very often I am literally not there & we break up. When my mom had the twins at the age of 41, everyone was nervous, except for her. She acted like she didn’t care. I am sure she started caring when she lost half of her blood & one of the kids. See I found out about what happened a month later, when I went to visit my mother, who lives in a different city. She was skinny, something she’s always wanted to be, but pale. I knew she wasn’t going anorexic, but it took her several hours to find enough courage to tell me what really happened. I was shocked, I cried on my way home, even some magazine I was reading couldn’t comfort me.

There have been great times in our relationship though. Last year when I came home after my 3 months absence mom told me she wanted to be on the Russian version of What Not To Wear show. I got her on it, I don’t know how, I can say just my luck, but I want to believe that it was the first time when something I wrote was noticed & chosen by others. I can still remember that Thursday when she called me & I knew she was going to be on the show. I also remember telling my grandparents, it was my mom’s & mine secret for about 2 weeks when she had interviews with the producers of the show. We didn’t want the luck to disappear. I used to believe that same thing. I wouldn’t tell other people about what was going to happen or what I was going through. But Mitch changed that in me. He always told me what he was going through; I never had to ask what happened. I have also realized that he was able to change me, I became more sensitive to others, I started looking for reasons, because whatever happened in yours or in someone else’s life, it happened for a reason. As my friend Kat always says, experience is an experience, good or bad, it’s there. Another famous quote from Kat is “what goes around come around”, I don’t know where she heard it, maybe from a Justin Timberlake song, but it is true, there are always things in our lives that come back, good or bad, happy or sad. I like that idea, because I like making other people smile. I have a person who makes me smile, he is my precious (I get teased for that all the time, because Mitch thinks I sound like Gollum, when he is the one who knows how talk that way). Mitch knows about the mother - daughter relationship I have. When I first told him about that, he was amazed; he didn’t believe what he was hearing. Mitch was one of the best listeners I’ve ever had. He couldn’t stop thanking me for telling him all that. I am hoping he becomes one of the best readers that I ever have. If no, he will always remain one of the best admirers that I’ve ever had.