The dream

Your subconciousness knew about me &
just couldn’t wait…
Sam
I saw Sam in a dream last night. He has dreadlocks, but he was still Sam, Sam who used to be my Sam…
In the dream we were driving to his parents’ house for some friends – family reunion. In the mini-cooper, which for some reason was blue? I’ve been in the mini before, in real life, I have no idea why it became blue. As we were driving we were talking about how we broke up & how it has hurt Sam. He started crying, yeah I know boys don’t cry & I’ve never seen Sam crying, but he was doing that in my dream last night. I kept apologizing & apologizing, words simply burst out of me, I don’t remember what I was saying, I wish I did, so that I knew what I could say to him in real life. See I broke up with Sam for the sake of another guy, who didn’t have a clue that I sacrificed that much into our relationship, which obviously wasn’t working out, simply because somebody didn’t know how to mail a letter & I unfortunately didn’t see him trying.
In my dream Sam forgave me while we were driving & kissed me, twice, that I remember. I’ve never been kissed the way Sam kissed me, and I will never forget. The way he turned his head around from the steering wheel was very unnatural too, but the fact is the fact, I was kissed in my dream.
We got to his parents’ house, which was on a farm, though they don’t live on a farm, that I know for sure. It was big & brown, and I liked it. His mom came almost running to the car, pulled me out & with that motherly way of talking said stuff like how she is glad to meet me & that she’s been waiting for that for a while. I’ve never met Sam’s mom, I’ve only talked to her on the phone, in Minneapolis, that was one weird conversation, awkward too.
I’ve seen Neil, his step dad before, at camp, where Sam & I met. He waved at me in my dream. Then Sam disappeared, he wasn’t anywhere to be seen, so his mom took me around. We entered the house, there was this huge table there, the ceiling was very tall, I was amazed, it looked really cool. And it was all wood. I remember a ladder leaning against one of the walls.
Then I was all by myself in the back yard, which basically was the farm. There was this rooster, a really cool rooster, I’d say the biggest one I’ve ever seen, with really cool feathers in it’s tail. They were that greenish-emerald color, I wanted one. I started coming closer to the rooster & he started running away from me, leaving one of the feathers behind. I picked it up. Now I had a feather that I wanted.
Sam’s mom came out to find me.
- You got a feather now? – asked she
- Yeah, - said I confused
I was carrying that feather around with me like some rare flower. By that time the guests started to arrive.
They were dressed in really cool dresses, which were made out of the same fabric if people wearing them were family members. That was also when I found Sam. I still wasn’t sure he’d forgiven me, accepted me & loved me. But I knew one thing I loved him.
All of a sudden he gave me a piggy back ride upstairs to his room. To my surprise he didn’t throw me on the bed, he put me in a chair & went to sleep himself. I was sitting there watching him sleep, some kids were running around not letting him sleep. Then he woke up.
All of the other kids got upstairs into the room & we started playing a game, it was lots of fun & as I looked around I realized that I could do this forever, I could stay there forever.
Other kids started asking me if I was Sam’s girlfriend… I didn’t say anything…
Then I woke up, in tears, the image of Sam stayed in my head & I could see him clearly when I closed my eyes, with his dreadlocks… That was when I cried, when I realized that I still love him & maybe I am screwed up for life without him, but I still love him. I realized that he probably won’t accept me back, I know he won’t, he told me that right after we broke up, I can understand him, I get pissed too.
But because today is Thanksgiving, I thought I’d give thanks to God for him, because he’s been my best…
And when it’s Christmas, this is what I am going to email Sam, just because it’ll be Christmas & I want to believe in it’s magic.