Avaria

Why weren’t you named Avaria* ? You once said, laughing, “The ancients must have had a goddess Avaria – goddess of epidemics, of explosions, of the unexpected.” And you coming into my life was as unforeseen as earthquakes and other natural disasters. I lost my freedom. No, the real Avaria was you.

And then you went away. How long you had dreamed about going to England. Twice they had failed to complete your documents so that you could attend a congress of physicists, but on your third attempt you finally made it. You said triumphantly: “God loves a trinity.” I went with you to the Petersburg airport. You were so proud of your victory, so happy.

Three days later, I received word that you were killed in an accident on the road to Birmingham. You were not used to steering from left, and there was fog. But you always preferred to do the driving yourself…

I could not even cry. Everything inside me suddenly shriveled. You were the person I loved more than anyone on earth. Who knew you were flying there like a moth towards the flame? What an absurdity!

In order not lose my mind, I took a train from Petersburg to the sea. There no one knew my friend who had perished in an automobile accident and no one questioned me about you any longer.


I prolonged the summer –
The sun’s Epaulettes
color my shoulders,
but I am hollow cheeked.
I am barefoot
people look at me
they smile
they offer their hearts…
But if you could help me –
could help, help me?
You’d offer me the autumn,
or Petersburg’s Bridge of Kisses*,
Sweet rain and tears.
If only you’d come back to life, live again.


But you did not call me. You did not offer help. You did not come back to life. So I decided not go back to Petersburg. I remained to live by the sea. I found work at a local newspaper where I write news items about all kinds of events that happen here. Now I know that on coastal roads, especially when there is fog, many people perish in automobile accidents. But that doesn’t make it any easier for me.   



1* Avaria: The Russian word for "accident".
2* Potzeluyev Most