Chapter 1 Valentine s Day

Three days ago I came up with a list of things I wanted in life. The list included:
1. Sam
2. A house
3. A small car
4. A small dog
5. To always be in love with Sam
6. Good job
Today is St. Valentine’s Day & all I want to do is eat Almond Hershey Kisses & be single. What is it about being single that scares other people? I would give a lot to be single now.
My name is Jenna Demidova, I am an artist, I am also a full-time nanny, a girlfriend, a daughter, a cousin & a whole bunch of other things. I am 22, born & raised in Russia by Americans. One of my many moms was American, her name was Tamara, and she is about 45 & is still single. I remember when we lived in Russia she gave an interview to the local newspaper, in which she said that she will never consider marrying a Russian man, because she’d feel like she is taking him away from some Russian woman. I am seriously considering getting married to an American man & am not afraid to take him away from any American woman. That’s why I am also seriously considering becoming single again. I am stuck.
I’ve also been stuck in between 2 cultures, the Russian & the American ones. If you think there is no American culture, you are wrong. It exists & flourishes & finds ways into your daily lives. I’ve written a senior paper on the matter, extracts from which I will most definitely use in this book.
See the thing is I am not even ugly, well yes I need some make up to make myself feel better about the way I look, but I weigh about 120 pounds, work out on a regular basis & even have a pedometer, well I suppose a lot of you have a pedometer, but that’s not the point. I even got the invitation to an audition last week, not that I called, or replied or decided to go, I simply ignored that email, though I did try to figure out which part it was for & after I failed I gave up on that.
I went to Panera Bread today. It’s a kind of a coffee shop where you can not only get coffee or drinks, but have meals too, they have very good breakfasts there, so I heard standing in line. But there is something better than those famous breakfasts – those are – FREE refills on tea & coffee. I am a tea freak. Literally. When I lived in Russia I went crazy in the tea shops, here Teavanna doesn’t do it for me. So before I went to see my movie today I popped in & got a tea, and I’ve noticed something I haven’t before – they had 6 different kinds of tea on display & you could help yourself to any of them. Well I am not a shy person, never have been, so I did help myself to 4 or 5 tea bags of green tea with ginseng. Then I brought my tea into the movie theater, which I’ve never been able to do before, not in Russia that’s for sure, because the rule is – You can’t bring in something, that wasn’t bought at the theater. I think the same rule applies to certain movie theaters here. I’ve secretly smuggled Twizzlers & Sour Patch into a movie theater in Illinois, but that’s because my friend Megan told me that I could do that. And food in the theaters costs just too much. I can make the same popcorn for myself in the convenience of my kitchen.
The movie was great, I’ve enjoyed it a lot, besides my AMC movie theater gift card was still good, and the lady misunderstood me when I said that I wanted only one ticket & gave me too & then took the one back & gave me a refund in cash! That was pretty amazing! I didn’t expect that to happen. Well being smart & having saved my cup from Panera, I went inside after the movie & asked the guy behind the counter for a refill of hot water. The trick is just to be nice & smile. So I got my refill & went on to Macy’s. I love Macy’s, because I have Macy’s card. I just feel like I am one of the valued customers.
The reason why I went there was because my boyfriend Sam didn’t get me anything for St. Valentine’s Day, which was alright, because he has trouble with finding a perfect gift for me & I don’t really like flowers, but he could’ve at least sent me a card. Anyways, because Sam didn’t do so well, I decided to get a gift for myself. See I hear all these stories on the radio about women who send flowers to themselves on Valentine’s Day & such, and I always felt sorry for them, because they didn’t have that special someone. Well I do have the special someone & I still don’t get a gift – NICE!  He even told me that over the phone last night, this is how he put it – I don’t have anything for you. Well, if he doesn’t have anything for me, maybe I don’t have anything for him anymore? See this is also where I am stuck. But drinking the free tea from Panera makes me feel a little bit better & knowing that Gravelle’s got me chocolate, makes me feel better too, I got them Hershey’s Kisses, they were 2 for 5 at Shop Right. I lied to the girl & said I had the store card. Well lied is a very strong word, let’s say the family I work for have a store card & I was ready to give her the last name, but she didn’t need it, so that’s how I ended up getting a pack of Kisses for them & a pack for myself. Maybe I should’ve also told the girl at Jerry’s that I was a student. I go to Jerry’s every week. It’s an art supply store, where I get all my paint & brushes & canvases. I absolutely adore the place, it’s cheaper than Michael’s. I went there today too, it wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be, but I got some nice brushes, which is always a plus. I still wonder if I could’ve gotten a discount, but on the other hand I felt really good when I told the shop assistant that I wasn’t a student. Five years of college in Russia did it for me. The only thing I want to do now is get a certificate in nursing & that’s because I want to help people. I’ve been actually seriously considering joining a volunteer first aid squad in West Orange, I am already certified in First Aid, CPR & Waterfront Lifeguarding. I used to be a camp counselor in Minnesota, so that explains.
Anyways so here I am on Valentine’s Day with a boyfriend, who is in Minnesota, and no gift. Another reason why I love Macy’s is that they send you catalogues & inform you about the upcoming sales. I spotted that coin love pendant right away. It cost only 99 dollars, was made out of 14 k gold & had two diamonds. I was going to get it last week, but then I thought that Sam should be getting me that kind of stuff – and I was WRONG. So I searched the counters, found a pendant that looked similar to the one that I liked, thought it had more diamonds in it & the price was way higher than I was ready to spend. So I am still hoping that Macy’s in New York might have it. I am going there tomorrow anyways, might as well check. And even though I am skeptical & rather ironic & sometimes even sarcastic about Sam, I do believe in love, because without love you are nothing.
You also have to understand that I am a huge Sex & the City fan & Carrie Bradshaw is my muse, so that’s where the love thing came from. Today as I was watching the Confessions of a Shopaholic, I remembered watching Sex & the City the movie all by myself in Russia back in June & that’s when I was single & happy, so I guess the reminiscence of that feeling overwhelmed me & made me happy & I decided that I wanted to be single. Well maybe not decided, but wished I was single. I know that’s not happening anytime soon. I do love Sam, in fact I’ve loved him for the past 3 years, and he is my best friend & there is this new Jason Maraz & Carrie Underwood song about how great it is to be in love with your best friend, and my best friend Kat once said that being married is like having sex with your best friend. So after I got my boost of inspiration from Becky Bloomwood, who eventually gets married to her boyfriend, and so does Carrie Bradshaw, I decided that I am not going to be so harsh about my decision, I’ll give it time. You see, Sam is in accounting & finance, he is a workaholic & may seem as a poor investment, but he said he’ll give me all the free time he will have, and even give up gaming, so I am not really worried. The only thing he doesn’t want is kids, so I am trying to spend as much time with the kids as I can. That’s why I became a nanny. I love children. Having my own kids terrifies me, giving birth terrifies me even more & adoption is not an option, because I used to work for a charity organization that helped orphans in Russia & I know what kind of lives these kids are leading & I wish I could adopt all of them, but then I’ll end up with an orphanage of my own & that won’t do them any good either.
Sitting at my desk & writing this sometimes is very tiring, so every once in a while I need a break, that’s when I start looking around my room & as soon as I do that there is one book that catches my eye – The day I ate what I wanted, I checked it from the library a while ago & still haven’t gotten a chance to start reading it, I read the first line though, which went like – I started with Dunkin Donuts – which I think is a great opening line for a book like that. I usually eat what I want or whatever we have in the house, which is a lot of junk food, let me tell you that, but the family is going away for 9 days, so I’ll try & eat as healthy as I can. That basically means drinking green tea, eating Progresso soups, a lot of fruit & salads & a few chocolate chip cookies. I think we should run out of those on purpose, so that I don’t have anything sweet to eat. I am concerned about my teeth as well.
Another thing I wish I could do sitting at my desk is get on the Internet, but ALAS we don’t have wireless in the house, so every once in a while I try to log on to our neighbors’ network & guess their password, it’s been six months & I haven’t yet succeeded. Sometimes I think I should just bribe their cleaning lady or the dogs, because if they could, those dogs would be talking! Every time they see me or our dog or anything that moves, they bark, I imagine they would’ve made quite the gossipers if they could talk, their mouths would’ve never been shut.
I could definitely play Solitaire or Hearts, but these games get boring after a short while. I am very good at FreeCell, not that I am boasting or anything, but I once read that there is no FreeCell combination that can’t be beaten & I stick to that rule & of course I’ve beaten them all, except for I think there is several thousand combinations for this game, so I am exaggerating here, but I am not going to date Dane Cook, that’s why I am not very concerned. Why Dane Cook? Well he clearly states it in one of his monologues that he hates when people over exaggerate. I think it’s very nice of him to put it out there, simple & quite straight forward. I value that in people.
I guess I should say what I got Sam for Valentine’s Day, since I am making such a big deal out of him not getting me anything. Well a while ago he mentioned that he needed a new belt. I was going to get him one for Christmas & never did, so when I went up to Connecticut to visit one of my girlfriends a couple weeks ago we went to Marshall’s & I got him a dark brown leather belt with the coolest buckle ever from Express Men in size 32. I absolutely loved it, so when I told Sam that I got him something I also said that if he didn’t like it, I would be more than happy to take it back & keep it to myself. Anyways, what happened next was doubt. I started doubting whether I got him the right size belt. So I tried it on & it seemed to be a little too small for Sam, so next week I went into Marshall’s again hoping to find the exact same belt in a bigger size & buy it for Sam. That way he not only would end up with a cool belt – we would MATCH! When I went to church in Russia there was this married couple there – Andrei & Lena & every once in a while they’d come to church wearing the same outfits, which I thought was pretty awesome. Well, I never found the exact same belt for Sam & was about to buy him another one, when I saw that the line was too long, so I just left, leaving Sam without a belt. I still wasn’t sure about the size. As I was pulling out of the parking lot & getting back on Route 10 he called & said that his waist size was 32, so I did guess right, but I’ve been wearing the belt I got him for a couple days now & you could see the stretch marks on the leather. I did keep it eventually & am wearing now. Besides all the fashion magazines are screaming with articles & spreadsheets about how women are supposed to accessorize with men’s’ stuff. So that’s exactly what I am doing, and I do have a pair of boyfriend jeans, just to tell you!
Another thing about Sam that I quiet like, is the fact that he is very appreciative of Russian culture, he loves Russian candy, so far that is the only thing he’s been exposed to other than the language, which he tried to learn, but gave up after the first Rosetta Stone lesson. I do appreciate him trying though. 2006 was the significant year that Sam actually got to try the candy, which was also the year we met. I was a camp counselor at Decision Hills and girls from my cabin told him that they were getting Russian candy from me every night. So he asked for some. Well I did give him one piece, which he seemed to enjoy, he saved the wrapper & had it on the fridge in the basement for a couple of years & this year that was the kind of candy he asked for Christmas. It’s called Bears in the woods by the way. And again when I was up in Connecticut my girlfriend took me to a Russian store & I got Sam some of that candy. I mean Connecticut turns out to be a great place, maybe I should consider moving there, and I heard it’s a great place to raise kids, which I probably won’t have for a long while, but that is not a concern, at least for now.
Well those two things, which actually totaled up to one, because I ended up keeping the belt, weren’t the main gift. I decided to bake cookies for Sam. And here they were in my imagination – the perfect cookies, the best kind you’ve ever seen, they were even better than the ones that come out of the box. Except for there was a small & very insignificant issue – I don’t cook or bake, not at all. Well I do, I can make a salad & fried eggs & I can make pigs in a blanket, I can also cook pre-cooked foods, but who can’t? I mean we live in a country where pretty much everything that comes from a grocery store is microwaved. There is even microwaveable Weight Watchers lunch & dinner, with the number of points written on the front! See what I mean?
So one night after my art class I went to Whole Foods to buy the cookie mix, my goal was actually to buy cookie dough, so that I didn’t have to make it, but they didn’t have any. I ended up getting a package of chocolate chip & oatmeal cookie mix, which was organic, well who knew that Whole Foods in Montclair was all organic, the one in New York on Union Square is not. So here I am on Tuesday morning with two boxes of cookie mix, talking on the phone with a friend from Vermont, trying to mix butter until soft. Have you ever tried to do that? Well it had to be organic butter in the first place too, but my family is not organic, so I used the regular margarine, which, according to the package, was ideal for baking. And the ONE organic egg was substituted by TWO regular ones from Shop Rite. I also ended up adding milk, because the eggs & butter weren’t doing it for the mix. I did end up baking about 12 cookies of both kind, which were eatable, but ended up looking gigantic, so that was a little of a concern, but I wrapped them up, put them in a box, and went on to the post office to mail Sam’s gift.
Sam actually thought that I got him pants, because I asked for his waist size, so I signed the rather sarcastic Valentine’s Day card, which said “It’s Valentine’s Day & love is in the air” on the front & as you opened it continued with “as well as chemicals, allergens, exhaust fumes & the list went on”. It’s not that I don’t like St. Valentine’s, I do, but I really liked the card & as a matter of fact the first year Sam & I met we had that gay joke, he got me a Birthday card, which said: “If you ever drink, don’t drive. If you drive, don’t get caught. If you get caught, don’t end up in jail. If you end up in jail, don’t drop the soap. Happy Birthday, guy!” Yeah I think that just gave you a pretty good insight on our relationship.
Sam actually thought the giant cookies were pancakes, because pancakes are actually something I can make, and I’ve been promising to make some for him for a while now. I don’t think he even ate them, because he stopped talking about my gift with a phrase: “Well you know a box of cookies is only a couple of dollars”. I got the idea, trust me - I am very smart & hard to offend.
Anyways later on that day Sam called me & completely recovered himself. He did a really cool thing – sent me a link to a YouTube video with a song by Yeah Yeah Yeahs called Maps. The song has very few words, the chorus goes like
Wait, they don’t love you like I love you (x 5)
That is the line Sam referred to, and he also recited poetry. Then he told me about that MTV show he was watching about people getting married at a young age, and whenever he watches shows like that, he asks me the most random questions. That night the question was: “What kind of ring do you want?” If I say that I was taken aback by that that’s like saying nothing at all. So I told him that I want a claddah ring, even though it’s an Irish thing. There is a beautiful legend that goes with the ring, a love story of course, about a rich man who fell in love with a peasant girl & because they couldn’t be together he demanded his heart to be taken out of his body & his arms to be cut off, then his servants put the heart in his hands & took it to the peasant girl. The claddah ring is a symbol of eternal love. And I also told Sam that the ring he chooses for me has to reflect my personality. He does realize that I am picky.
Other than getting nothing but poetry from Sam, I got a few valentines from the kids I babysit. My favorite one was from Shane, he is seven and he has a crush on me, but I mean he has a crush on all of his baby-sitters. He always comes up with such amazing ideas like building a time machine & going into the future, so that he can marry me. I guess it won’t be a time machine, but an aging machine rather, because even if he goes into the future, the 15 year difference between us will still exist.
Shane’s valentine was the Sponge Bob theme one. It had Plankton inside & a line in bold print that I think I will never forget! I even quoted it to Sam.  It simply said – YOU WILL BE MINE. Now of course that sounds more like a threat, but then Shane signed me another valentine which said – Will you be my valentine? I told him I’ll be his valentine for the night, I think he was happy.
Now I personally have nothing against Sponge Bob, but sometimes I think that it’s not a kids’ show at all, have you ever watched it? If not – go do it, you can even stop reading this for a while, I’ll understand. Some of the jokes are so inappropriate for kids – that only adults can get them. I watched the Valentine’s Day episode about four times that night & the Sponge Bob – Patrick relationship started to puzzle me even more. Another thing that puzzles me is Sandy – the squirrel, who lives under the sea. Well I guess people who created Sponge Bob were on crack or something. You know there is a Russian cartoon called “Hedgehog in the Mist” based on the book, which if you print it out on A4 kind of paper only takes up 20 pages & starts with a line “Twenty little mosquitoes took their 20 little violins & started playing their little mosquito song…” I mean isn’t that a great opening line? Well the book is somewhat decent; I will never let my kids read it though. The cartoon is a total mess, it’s about the Hedgehog who is going to visit his friend Bear, and it turns out to be a very misty evening. As he is walking through the field he sees a horse, a white horse, which he is trying to find, and as he is calling out her name, which ironically is Horse, he falls into a river where a certain Someone is carrying him down the stream. Though Hedgehog thinks he is dead, he soon ends up on shore & finds his way to the Bears house, where he can enjoy tea & philosophical conversations with the Bear. The whole cartoon is filled with Buddhist symbols, and you can’t stop but keep looking for the hidden meaning of things. When I was a little girl & watched a show for kindergarteners called “Good night kiddos” they showed this exact cartoon all the time & I hated it. I clutched my little 5 year old fist & cursed the pig & the bunny that were the show hosts for showing the bad cartoon. To my surprise, when I had to get my first computer fixed, the guy who fixed it brought a whole bunch of movies with him, one of which was “Hedgehog in the Mist”. His name was Andrei, a 30-some year old single guy, who as turned out later had a crush on my best friend. NO COMMENTS.
There was so much more to that Valentine’s Day, but one thing I know for sure now is that the list I came up with is valid & I am planning on sticking to it. But I am also planning on being flexible, because, as you know, there are all the twists & turns to life that make it way more exciting than what we plan. As for being single – I don’t want to be single anymore. Sam was right – they don’t love me like he does & he also said that he will love me always & forever. Guys if you haven’t figured out – we, girls, love with our ears, we don’t even need your gifts, because you’ll never get us what we want unless we tell you first, just tell a girl she is the one – and there you have it!