Random thoughts

It is the second draft because the first one was saved somewhere well fuck knows where. The topic was: what is right and what is wrong? That is kind of a never ending question that stucks in your mind every time you are trying to choose something or deciding to do something. Well just imagine you have done something completely mad, something that you would never normally do. Then you spend hours on end thinking if that was right. The point is that human will never answer this freaking question. Maybe because everyone got their own rights and wrongs.

In this particular case I think that you should choose your own right and your own wrong. As soon as you have decided put those two points in the ten scale. One is an entire wrong and ten is an entire right. Then every time you do anything you put it in the scale and choose how bad you acted.
 
But there maybe another problem. As you know everything in this world is relative. So if you do anything that is wrong for you it might be relatively good for someone else. Imagine yourself being in such a rage that you have commited an intentional murder. You are looking at the dead body and thinking: “what the fuck have I actually done??”. The next thought will be: “why the fuck have I done it?”. And then the third one is: “what the fuck am I suppose to do now??”. All this thinking about how the fuck did you actually get to that point when you deliberately killed someone will lead you to the only one conclusion – well shit, it means that you were wrong. It may happen that the dead motherfucker  was wrong as well. At least we all know that he had made you so angry that there  was no other choice than  to make him sleep forever and ever. Oh well I’m a bit sorry that it takes me so long to finish this simplest idea. But the point is that comparing to the 11 of semptember 2001 you are not that bad. Quarter of a city is dead oh shiiit you should be happy now!! It means that on your right-and-wrong scale it should be on the 5th or 6th place. Yeyah!! Life is good bro!

On the other hand there are such games as “yellow car”, “spot a mini no returns”, and “ginger”. The whole point of these games is if you spot a yellow car, a mini or a ginger you hit those who didn’t see them one time. But further – better. If you spot a yellow mini you hit others five times. And what makes these games really exciting for the modern teenagers is that if you spot a yellow mini with a ginger inside you can do whatever the fuck you want with others, you may even kill those stupid blind cunts if decide to.
On the whole it fully depends on you what to do and how wrong it is. There are also two types of people I guess: right people and wrong ones. And I’m not talking about the right conservators and left liberals. No no that’s whole different story.

The bad thing about this essay is that I’m running out of inspiration. Shit I should have done it yesterday. Maybe I’ll finish it later tonight.
 
Well hello!! I’m back 3 hours later.
 
IF YOU’VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING STUPID, YOU’VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING AT ALL. So what does this phrase mean to you? As for me everyone should do something really stupid. Like not just stupid but DUMB AS I’d say. You can’t imagine how fun it is unless you’ve tried it already. What is stupid? Getting wasted as a motherfucker? Getting high as balls? Trying to get into cars while being wasted as a motherfucker? Or pissing on children while being high as balls and yelling at their parents who’re trying to stop you? Well that is extremely dumb – don’t do that. It is way too much. But simply getting high is not bad. Considering that weed is not a drug but a plant it could be placed on the 3rd or 4th place on your scale. How fun it is just to sit and get giggles from somewhere inside. Some people think that it is just a waste of time. Well let it be so. I reckon you should do it at least once in your life for sure. Even if you find it useless and boring - you should. Experience is priceless and bad experience is even better. It makes you tougher. My idea is that you should spend some time in Moscow but leave it before it makes you too tough. And you should also live in Auckland and leave it before it makes too soft. Golden middle is perfect for everyone that’s what doctors all over the world tell us. Drink but don’t become an alcoholic. Do drugs but don’t become an addict. That is my rule. Well I’m not saying that I drink a lot or do drugs all the time but… you know… or maybe no… “Maybe yes, maybe no, maybe sex, I don’t know “ – a funny poem, don’t you reckon? Therefore alcoholics and drugies are human as well. And you can’t object it as human is a person distinguished from an animal or (in science fiction) an alien. What differ us from animals is that we all have all those various senses: a sense of humour, a common sense, a pleasure sense and etc.  Therefore no matter who you are you are still a human being. Therefore you can make a mistake. Therefore you can justify yourself.

Have you ever heard about SEX DRUGS & ROCK’N’ROLL? Well I hope you have.  Some people might think that these words are true evil. I don’t think so. Apperently this song is not about actual sex, drugs & rock’n’roll. The whole point is that there is something more than just a job from 9 am to 5 pm out there. And it doesn’t really mean that you should choose sex instead of work. But as they say all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
So the next topic is: how do spend your leasure time? Are you chilling out with your mates? Chilling out at home? Or what? For example one spends his free time glued to the blue computer screen. By “glued” I mean his is married to his computer and is living quite happily. Imagine a 20 year old geek wanking at your daughter’s picture? Do you like it? And he is not a pedophile, no, he is just spending his leasure time. He is having fun indeed… well good luck you, man! How wrong is it? Is it an entire wrong or just so-so? From my point of view it is wrong! Moreover it is not just wrong – it is fucking awful. Well I’ll give that guy a first place in my scale. Fuck man, he is a true evil! But wait a sec, do you remember the “everything is relative” rule? Yes, keep that in mind. You will need it if you are eager to understand what I mean. Remember Paul Bernardo and Karia Homolka? In case you’ve have never heard about these two guys I’ll give you a little hint: Paul Bernardo and Karia Homolka are considered to be the most famous serial killer rapist team out there. Thanks for your attention guys! Now think on what place you should put those two motherfuckers…

Let me escape from this topic. Just for a while. But I promise I’ll try my best to make it interesting for you. Do you know what I’m doing at the moment? Can you imagine? What? Am I writing out my thoughts? Am I trying to get your attention by these words? Or is just simply trying to pass my final exam? Let me put it to you like this: it is 00: 45 (pay attention to the time: it is not :44 or :46 minutes but exactly 45 – it is quarter to 01: 00, Ser.) and I’m in the Street Bar drinking beer high as balls. I am having fun. At this particular moment I’m sitting at the bar and writing my thoughts out by this I’m trying to attract your attention. Have I answered your question?

Do you want me to put it in the scale? Do you? Really? People you are curious! You make me being absolutely honest. Here we go!!! Ladies & Gentlemen, please fasten your safety-belts coz it is getting really hot around here!

There is a guy sitting on my right. And I won’t say his name because if this thing will become a bestseller I’ll have to pay him for using real names and existing characters in my story. So let me tell you about him: we will call him Mr. P. Right now he is playing “Akinator” with our common friends. And it is not the point, no no, he is drinking beers and wearing a fucked up hat saying something like “JCK JNS”; The point is not that he is not giving a fuck about the fact that it doesn’t suit him but… take your breath for a minute. He came here at 7:36 pm and left at 8:02 pm somewhere only fuck knows where. (The reason I know the time is because I’ve been looking at my watch all this time: I’m a time maniac, I reckon). While he was away I’ve smoked 3 wonderful spliffs rolled by myself. He came here at 22:14 and had been around till about 23-ish  (at that time I didn’t really give a fuck about time). Then at half past 11 he left to see his girlfriend; he was away for about an hour and then when he came back he came up to me and said: “well I’m going to get wasted tonight are you with me?”. Oh well fuck, what was I’m supposed to say? “Fuck yeah, bro!! I missed you, you - drunk motherfucker!”. And let me see the time: it is 01:46. We are still here and we are still doing the same shit.

These several lines are devoted to myself: I haven’t shown anyone what I have written for the last 61 minutes. Well now everyone tell me what you think about this?

Do you believe that this is the truth? Or is it really just a lack of peoples’ attention talking in me? Well, now put it in your scale considering that both of us are supposed to be at home right now because we are to visit classes tomorrow.

Thank you for your reviews. I’m really proud of myself! You like it! That means I’m doing good. And I’m saying thank you not because I really care about your opinion but because I do believe that this thing rocks. And the nicest thing about this story is that it is not just a random words but this is what I’m thinking at the moment. Right now you’ve witnessed a person named Anna Yuryevna Pastukhova letting you inside her mind.

I’ll use the occasion and bring personal apologies to those who found this essay abusing in any way. Also I’m sorry for using the informal and even swearing vocabulary but, I’m afraid, this story would be boring otherwise. Besides I was asked to write out my thoughts. That’s what you get when you’re asking me to tell you my opinion.

I’m having “46 different feelings at the moment and I don’t know what to feel now” as one of my NZ mates said. Is it right or is it wrong? People around me are saying “ Ìàñë*÷ âåðíóëñÿ!”. I have no clue how to translate it into any other language! Let it stay in Russian as we all know that Russian is a great language. And you know what? “Masl*ch” or our well known Mr. P is almost sleeping now and it is a 2: 33 am of a 17th of October 2010.
 
* - none of the characters used in this essay really exist. Mr. P. doesn’t exist neither do I. It is only because I’m not keen to pay anyone when I’ll become famous.

Shall I finish with the real life and come back to my essay? Or not? Well good night till today if you know what I mean. Unfortunately none of you can actually  get what I mean but I’m trying my best to explain it to you. Think about it for tonight.

It is not morning yet (but 03: 07 am) but I’m back for a minute. There are two Mr. Ps in fact. We’ve just gone outside for the cigy with Mr. P. ¹2 and came back with a great idea: now we shall all drink for our Moms! Without our Moms we would get dried on the sheets. Got that one?

One might say that this is not what I was supposed to write. And the last two pages were not my thoughts but a useless talk about drunk teens. I’m supposed to write 7 pages of actual thinking. Ok, well, than don’t count those 2 and we still have 5 pages to go. That means that you are getting nine pages for the price of just 7 pages. Call now and we will include smiley faces especially for you!

Ok, let’s see. Have you ever wagged classes? Or are you one of those who adores studying and gets an erection when you think about The Periodic Table? Wagging is fun. I’m telling you! But the thing that I could never get is why people wag classes and stay in school or uni. What is the use of wagging and staying at the university? The whole point of wagging is that you go anywhere instead of attending classes. And yet people do that mistake every time! Listen here! It is wrong to stay at the uni and not attend classes! You should go somewhere else! And the funnies thing is when they say: “I’m wagging but I shall not go on the 3rd floor as my teachers may see me”. Why the fuck would you commit a crime in front of the police station? It is like you are eager to get caught! Why not go to caf;, movies or get laid or anything else! I’ll give this case a second place in my scale.

Let’s see what we’ve got here:
1. Wanking on little kids’ pictures
2. Wagging classes and staying at the uni
3. Getting drunk as a motherfucker or getting high as balls or both
4. Deliberetly commit an intentional murder
5. Drinking for you Moms

Well I guess that’s it for my scale.

I’m lacking inspiration at the moment. I’ll come back in some time. Time: 17:12
Time is 20: 46

What is a true evil?...

Well I don’t quite remember what I was thinking about at that time coz it’s been 2 weeks ago. Yeah that’s right it is the first winter day today.

A new rule for today: “ NO IFS, ANDS & BUTS”. I’ll tell you what it means in a sec. Imagine a situation when you’ve met an extremely hot chick like a real stunner. And you’ve been hard the whole day long coz you’ve been thinking about getting in her pants. Finally by the end of the day when you risk to get a sperm intoxication you decide to get laid, and then some stupid as motherfucker says to you: “yeah, sure man, you will fuck her IF she lets you”. What the fuck man?! The magic is over. This IF has spoiled everything. Or for example you are going to drink beers with the guys and chase after girls and as soon as your gf finds that out she says: “AND I’ll come with you”. For fuck’s sake!!! What the fuck are you on about?! Don’t you understand, you stupid bitch, that I don’t need you to come with me?? This freaking AND has just ruined your plans. And last but not least are BUTS. You are in the middle of something amazing (by amazing I mean sex of course), BUT suddenly she starts asking if you love her or not. Are you fucking serious? I hate this word BUT. Who the fuck has invented this shit? But our life would be impossible without this word, don’t you reckon?

On the other hand these three words have made the whole history. Do you know what I mean? Life is easy. IF my Mom didn’t hang the blinds whilst pregnancy AND didn’t fall down I would be an aquarius BUT I'm a capricorn and that means that i'll never rule the word. Fail!

Just watch how these words change everything. Think of any noble proffesions. My first thought was about firemen mainly because they are hot. So let me introduce you Bob Trainor age 46, an ex-Marine who worked at Hanford for 21 years and was a volunteer captain with Benton Fire District 1. Sounds cool. So IF he is an ex-Marine plus a firefighter than you should probably place him on the 10th place on our scale coz
 
1. He is brave
2. He saved a lot of lifes
3. He served his country

BUT on what place would you put him when I say that he was convicted of sexually abusing five young girls. AND the youngest one was only 7. I’ll give you a minute to think on this case... Due to our relativeness rule compare him to Osama Bin Laden. And I’m not asking you to tell me who is worse or who is a true evil. The question is: how would you prefer to die? Would you rather die in a terrorist attack? Or do you prefer to get raped and then strangled to death?

Have you ever heard about Hitler? Sure you have or at least I hope you have. And anyways it is a rather stupid question – I do admit it. What do you think about him? But be honest to yourself. My grandparents tend to think that his birth was the biggest mistake that was ever made. And honestly just imagine how many people have died in both WW1 and WW2. And if it wasn’t for Hitler people might not have been invented nuclear weapon and so on and so for. But that is not what I want to talk to you about. And all of the previous questions about Hitler were useless in fact. The one which really matters is: what do you think about him conquering half Europe? Once again my grandparents would say that it was awful but let’s forget about my old people for a second. Yes, I guess it is not that nice living in a conquered country. But then imagine yourself in Hitler’s shoes, imagine yourself ruling the Europe. Well do you like it? Well fuck, I would love it! And you know I wouldn’t give a fine fuck that Salvador Dali is thinking that I’m gay (by the way if you didn’t know that before Salvador Dali really thought that Hitler was a homosexual). All this depends on the way you look at it! Hitler thought that it was a right thing to do and it didn’t matter that others had a different opinion. The point is that you do what you think is right and don’t give a fuck about what other people think. Take a note that I’m not asking you to be selfish but for god’s sake stop worrying about what others would think about you!! What is worse: to do what you think is right but is morally unacceptable or to do what you think is wrong but is morally accepted by the majority of people. Honestly I’d rather be a rebel and cause riots every Tuesday afternoon than let someone judge me or moreover make me do anything. So my word is for Hitler. It was his own choice, he thought he was doing the right thing and I don’t think that I can dare judging him. Though I can’t say that I appreciate what he has done. But it has already happened and we can only talk about it and analyze it.

Remember your childhood when your Mom used to tell you that everything that is dangerous is bad? And all of us tend to think that dangerous = bad. As they say kids shouldn’t play with matches… Russians always say that kids should play with lighters in this case. Why not play with lighters or matches? Once again BECAUSE IT IS DANGEROUS. But what is a lighter? It is a hand fire. And fire is dangerous therefore it is bad. But then tell me what the fuck would you do without fire? Would we actually exist in this case? Even the Prometheus the champion of mankind, known for his wily intelligence, who stole fire from Zeus and gave it to mortals was punished for his crime by being bound to a rock while a great eagle ate his liver every day only to have it grow back to be eaten again the next day. Even in those days fire was dangerous for people. But otherwise we would die.  Then remember when you Mom used tell you not to play by the sea side or whatever? Why? Coz it is dangerous and guess what? It means that it is bad!! But everybody knows that human consist 90% of water. And then water and fire is bad? Don’t you reckon that its fucking stupid that everything that is necessary for us is bad for us as well?? Well fuck life is so fucking illogical as fuck!!

The end of part 1.