Eterna

Having got tired of loneliness, I prayed to the heavens. I was crying and pleaded to stop such life of mine. If there is no opportunity to live normal valuable life, there is no sense to just exist… It is very painful… Very painful…
However I wouldn’t be able to put an end to my life myself. And not because Christianity teaches it to be a great sin. And not because it is fearful – I had had already twice the experience of passing through the border, and know that there is nothing to fear.
Just I felt, that I have no right to do this myself. My lonely life, however senseless to me, is not in anybody’s way. And I was sent here for some purpose. And the question of passing from one world to another cannot be decided by the human himself, all the more – realized without the will and approval of the heavens.
So I was just praying – to the Lord and my Angels…

I found myself on an empty clearing. And before me stood my Angel. He was standing motionless, his hands on the hilt of the sword, looking seriously in my eyes… and in my heart… straight in silence…

I saw my deliverance in him and got happy.
- Please, you have a sword. Chop off my head.
The Angel said nothing.
I knelt down and curled, so my head was almost on the ground before my knees.
“I am ready…” – addressed him by thought.
For several moments he kept standing motionless… Then he stood aside of me, lifted his sword with his two arms and… soundlessly, but sharply the sword descended to the ground, passing through my neck…
…And I kept observing what was going on…

I had been beheaded… but nothing was changed. I kept the same position, bending low my head, my arms behind my back… and kept observing…

At a loss I lifted my head and looked at the Angel.
He got standing before me again, resting his both hands on the sword. His look was deep and tranquil.
- Why haven’t I died? – I asked him in silence.
- ‘Cause there is no death. – seemed to answer myself. The Angel kept standing motionless and looking straight in my heart.
- And so it is impossible to get rid of the suffers?
- No. What is mine, will stay that, - either heard or continued debating.
- And if I don’t want to live like this?
The Angel’s eyes penetrated into my heart. He kept silent.
- If I don’t want to live like this – I have to find another way to live. The way I like…
- Does it depend upon me?
- Your life belongs to you.
I felt a bitter smile of irony on my face.
- So many times I tried – all was hopeless.
- Did you look in your past? Did you go consciously? Did you look attentively, where to go, and how… and for what. Did you try to understand, why you keep falling?
This turn of thoughts had woken me up. And in my head I kept hearing:
- It’s your path, and you are to go on it. And it’s you to choose where and how to go, and where you come depends only upon yourself.
And finally the understanding came – I have to go with open eyes, realizing what I am doing and for which purpose…
Trying to realize what I heard I forgot myself for a moment, and even forgot about my Angel, who kept patiently standing before me.
And he kept standing silently, giving me opportunity to lead the dialogue with myself.
And finally, when I remembered myself and looked consciously in his eyes, I heard in silence: “Get up!”.
I obeyed.
“Put your hands on the sword’s hilt” – again either heard or understood.
I put.
The Angel covered them with his palms.
“You used to die already. But only now you’ve got born. I greet Thee, born in Eternity”.
And I saw approval in my Angel’s eyes, and his mouth, that hadn’t produced a sound for the whole time, now was smiling, hardly seen…