Being the Heartless. The Diary. Chapter 6

                You can drink together, live together,
                or make love, but only joint tomfoolery
                indicates your spiritual and mental unity
                (unknown)



When i came home, i told everything to my mom. And of course, i've told her about my new friend in purple shirt. In couple of minutes he added me on Facebook. I continued flirting with him, but like friends. Next two days we were talking on Facebook. I was home only early night, we were planning my bff's (best friend forever)  wedding. (the girl, i've told about in first chapter). So when i came home, first i did i washed my face to clean it from makeup and made a kaolin mask, switched on the computer, and logged in on facebook. My friend in purple shirt wrote me. We were chatting, i was comfortable talking to him. During our conversations i forgot about everything around me. It was almost 10 p.m. when he offered me to watch the movie tonight. "that's not date" - i  thought, - "No, no, no"  Well, i'm not going with anybody to the cinema at night, except my girls. I'm not going to watch movie tonight with him. And i answered "Yes, I love movies"
Jesus!!! Next couple of minutes were the time of self-reproach. What will he think... about me? That wasn't me actually. God, i need to say something when he'll pick me up.  I began making up again... why have i washed my face? I didn't know. I wrote to my girls that i'm crazy... and called to my classmate to ask am i doing right. She said  me to have fun. He called me, he has been waiting for me already. Idk why, but i was nervous. I repeated to myself, it's not date, it's not date. Yeah... but as Gossip Girl would say:"it is to much mascara for just a friend".
I opened his car's door."You have a powerful aura." I started the conversation. I was thinking about this phrase for so long. And it worked, he was confused. But i know he'll remember it forever. We entered the cinema, he bought tickets. We came to drama and some kind of action. But we were laughing all the time. I felt like i can be myself with him, without any mask. I could say stupid things and he would not think that i'm stupid. That was a real freedom, without any pretence. What i called freedom before, wasn't the real one. I didn't wanna think about my words, my appeal, i switched off my brain, first time for a long time i could be myself. After movie we were sitting in the car and talking till 6 a.m. I do not remember what we were talking about,  but i felt comfortable, except his glance at me. I was a little bit confused, he looked at me not like a friend, that was something more than friendship. I was scared, but like Scarlet i decided to think about it tomorrow and have fun today. I shouldn't like him as a guy, coz i had another plans for my future. Before saying goodnight to each other, he said: You are probably waiting for something, and you understood me wrong.
I answered that i understood him right, but i didn't at all. What does he want - friendship or relationship? I'll think about it tomorrow. And i went off the car. I came home confused, but happy. I was so tired, in the morning, oh.... working people call it afternoon, first of all i switched on the facebook. He just woke up too and wrote me, i felt happiness. That night i lied to him, i said that i hate lie and i always say the truth, but that time i lied ... i said that my future plans about studying abroad are just plans, nothing else, and i'm not sure. But i knew for sure, that everything was ready for my moving to another country. I lied, i was afraid, that i can loose him... But i didn't want to.
All the time before, i was a drama queen, i tried to show that i have secrets. This time everything was different, i didn't wanna have secrets, but i had to.