A life in fear. Chapter 1-2

Chapter 1. The last scream of the soul.


She takes a pen and starts writing. She can write a lot about herself but would it be interesting for you? So, stop her, please, somebody stop her! But there is nobody to stop. She's making a swallow of water and closing her eyes. So, okay, let her understand why does she write? What does she want to say? Help her to understand! Help her!! But there is still nobody to help. She takes a little cupcake and tastes it. Strawberry. As usual. She cannot say she does not like strawberry but it is so usual to put it in cupcakes. Especially when it is not a real strawberry but just a jam. You see, she's usual too, like strawberry in the cupcake. She knows that it will be better for her to write a poem but will you understand a word she writes? She wants to talk with somebody but there is nobody to talk because now she's not in your world, she's in her own world, in her imaginary world and there is nobody left to talk with. English isn't her native language but how can she write in another language when all what she's feeling is in English? Her language may be poor, but this is how she's feeling, a little bit poor. She's like a monkey. You can teach her to speak but she'll never be able to tell you all about her feeling. She's in fear. A lonely young poet. What's next? What's going to happen? Will it be interesting for you to read all this rubbish of a mad young lady? No, of course no. She's afraid of the next day while she don't know what's going to happen.




Chapter 2. Her lovely fear.


She'll never write again if they ask. But she must express all the feelings right now and right there. Fear is one of the things she does not like and she does not know a man who likes it. Why? Because it is always so difficult not to let yourself to follow it. Some people sleep with music or light. Why? It's simple. They are in fear. She used to do so 4 years ago. It seems so stupid now. What can we do with our fear? We can fight with it but sometimes there is no way to win this fight. She's afraid of water. When she was a little girl she saw a nightmare. She was nearly to drown but her dear Mum saved her. After that she was afraid of shower. What was it? And now she still cannot relax in water. She's not the person to follow. You see, around us such an amount of people who you can follow. She's in love, but she's not in love at the same time. Why? Because for her he is the person who is the nearest to her ideal. She knows they will never be together, she even doesn't want it, some dream must stays dream. And how to live with a person who is so close to be ideal? He is a famous actor and he is elder than her more than 20 years. But his life makes her smile when she wants to cry. It makes her understand that she can do everything she wants and there will be nobody to stop her. May be she'll never meet him at all but she's dreaming and if she's dreaming it means she's still living. How it is to talk with him, to see him smiling, he's so smart. She's afraid of that something that could happen to him, not with her. She's always thinking about other people first. May be it is not right but that is she is.