And she was all...
She was everything in my dull life-my day, my night, my air that I breath, my food to give me energy. She was like a saint who I would pray to, the one who made sense to me, the one who believed in me. She was there when the times were hard. Her tiers could stop the time, her laugh could paint this world with wonderful colours. It all last for ten years. Ten years of comfort and care, of ups and downs, of happy life basically. I gave her my all. Maybe I was blinded by her beauty and sweet voice, maybe it was something I needed or something I never had and probably won't have it ever again...
I was older than her. She was young and I was a man of thirty eight years of age. I never thought that woman like that would be interested in someone like me. Our romance started so quickly without us realising it. She had a good job and successful carrier in marketing industry. Me? What about me? I was just a self employed artist who appreciates beauty. I always knew I can't give her whatever she wants, but I believed that my Love is worth something!
We never got kids together because she put her carrier on the first place and always thought she was too young to have children. I wanted to have her child, wanted to enjoy every second with them, but it wasn't the case. Likely we were happy together for pretty long time, but as we know time is running and every single thing have its end, sooner or later. I had those nights when would sit by myself in the back garden with strange thoughts like "what if?" I guess the universe heard my "what if's?" and said "your wish - my command", my thoughts had materialised. My fears facing me in its armed farce image. It's like seeing your worst nightmare coming true.
Cold fresh air was coming into our bedroom though slightly open window. Late morning. It's still dark outside. I am wrapping myself with a big heavy blanket and at the same time trying to find my wife to hug her. The left side that she always sleeps on was ice-cold. My hand gets freezing and goosebumps cover my body. My blood vessels shrinks down to keep heat. I'm fighting the cold. I can't open my eyes, but my brain is wide awake and I start realising that she is not there. I gradually open it one by one. Suddenly pain in my week chest strike me. Light panic crawling on top of me. I sit up on my bed and look around. It's like I know what is gonna happen next, like it happened before.
On my side of the bed I can see a folded sheet of paper just by the night lamp. I can only imagine what is in that letter. All sorts of things are running though my head. I don't want to touch it, I don't want to know. I hesitate for another minute and with a deep breath I take this page like it death predictive letter. I recognise her curvy writing.
"Good morning James. You probably don't understand what it's all about. I wrote this letter to you because I am not brave enough to face you and say it straight to your face ,its too hard for me. I decided to leave. I can't keep up any longer. I can't keep on lying. I met another man, I really do love him and its not about you, its not your fault. It always has been me! I just lost there in the middle, can't be there for you, you deserve someone better. I am not even dreaming that you would forgive me, after all that time we spent. You don't have to. If you still reading this and you haven't rip this page I want to apologise for everything that I did wrong, especially for this, leaving you at this moment. You won't see me. I don't want you to try to find me. I wish it could be done in differently, but let's face it. Take care of yourself and goodbye..."
My eyes were full of tiers that just run down my cheeks but my face was plane.I was looking into space. Room was getting smaller and darker every second, clock was getting louder and it seemed that time drags like melted rubber. I slowly put the letter back to its original place and with the same slow motion I sent myself back to still warm half of my bed. I stared at the ceiling. I was thinking about that very first day I met her. At the end you always think of the beginning. I thought she's the one... How could she possibly did it to me!? I was questioning myself over and over again till I just fall asleep.
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