The Reincarnation Lottery

The Reincarnation Lottery
by Arkady Gershteyn

Tommy, a manure fly, was growing disgruntled. His wings were
constricted, and he did not feel the regular flexibility in the
joints, the wings would not open up to their apex. The chest was
itchy, and the belly greasy. The eyes were puffed down, and did not
have the bulging bulk that the nature photos usually exhibited in all
their luxurious glory.

In fact, Tommy had all the reasons in the world to feel lousy. He had
become ostracized within the manure fly community. A real pariah -
nobody would even eat with him anymore. And it wasn't anything he
did...It all started last Thursday around supper time.

Tommy, Harry, and Leopold were rolling about in the manure. A cow had
just deposited a large pile of dung in the regular field. The smell
was poignant. The sun blazed gaily. And the wind blew in a most suttle
and soothing manner possible.
"Tis noble to live in joy and peace with nature" chirped Harry, and
dived into a especially juicy piece of dung. Harry had been a bishop
of some standing in his previous life. His entire life, as a human,
consisted of praying every day, teaching sermons even in backward parts
of the country, never partaking of women of intoxicating drinks, and
even staying away from the budding and ever-luring choir boys. In
short, a life of exemplary service to the church, and fastidious
belief.

Leopold has been a talented entrepreneur. His internet dating business
which he launched with his aunt's money, right after college had grown
by leaps and bounds. Literally hundreds of singles had found their match,
some even their soul mates. At least 186 marriages resulted from connections
made on the site. And that is only the ones which were recorded,
based on city hall records,
not counting the common law marriages when the man and women lived
together for seven years or more without signing the obligatory
documents. The idea was very simple - men would have robots writing
for them to the women. The robot-written messages arrived everyday to
ten women, each one was custom designed to optimally match the woman's
personality requirements. In short, the message was from each woman's
perceived, or more exactly - imagined, ideal Man. Mr. Right persisted
in corresponding thus until the women were totally in love, and then a
date was setup. A Cyrano de Bergerac-like approach except that it
worked well and the robot was never upset over not getting his share
of the action.

Tommy had been a petty thief and sex offender. He had molested three
demented girls age six, eight, and nine. All waifs he had picked up at
Seven-Elevens, usually too dumb to realize why Tommy was giving them
lollypops. Tommy had spent ten years in jail where he mastered the art
of lying, stealing, assaulting, intimidating, and raping to such an
extend that he gained the nickname "slingblader". The "slingblade"
resulted primarily from one episode when Tommy had lured another
inmate into the men's restroom, promising to perform a blow job, and
instead butchered the inmates genitals into a pulp using a slingblade
knife.

And here they all were - together. All manure flies. Thanks to their
numbers. Tommy -21, Harry-28, and Leopold-7, all number divisible by
seven and therefore assigned to being of the manure fly specie this
time around.

Tommy had, after satiating his hunger remarked in an offhand way, as
the three were lying on their backs and relaxing - "Look, Leopold and
Harry, you were both do gooders, squares, and yet your here. Just like
me. See Leopold your God doesn't care how many people you convert to
the righteous life, or how many families you save from ruin. And you -
Leopold, nobody cares whether you saved hundreds of people from
loneliness, or gave tens of full-time jobs to software engineers, or
even made a lot of dough doing it. And look at me - I never did anyone
any good. But so what?"

"Thief, you shall be punished in the afterlife. You shall burn in hell
for eternity!" Harry shouted and walked away.

"You are a worthless waste of life. An unproductive, uncreative cretin
that has not contributed to the economic welfare of humanity in any
way. I don't want do ever know you!" Leopold stormed and flew off.

And that's how Harry became a pariah. One of those manure flies nobody
associates with. And yet that Thursday afternoon, with the entire pile
of dung to himself, the sun shimmering and warming his belly, the
wind blowing in gentle gusts, and the sky clear as the innocent eyes
of a newborn - Tommy felt ecstatic.
For now, if ever, he was truly in heaven, if there ever was one.