Fear

 What has happened to me?
I am acting like someone else. All the time I feel like breaking down. Asphyxiate. Burning inside. If you look in my eyes you'll see the fire of pyre beneath the brown green of autumn.
Believe me, I cant understand this life.
I don't feel the days of my youth that were full of sunshine and smiles anymore. Now it seems to me like my life is endless November. WHAT SHALL I DO WITH ALL THIS BLOODY FEELINGS?! A huge hole is inside of my chest. I know someday I will heal. You say it all the time! But what if I wont? What if I`m gonna hide behind this mask of normality for the rest of my life?!
I change.   Every day. To the worth side. Become darker, mad, forget the taste of life. It seems bitter to me even if there is nothing bad and things go right. Something plugs me and pulls into the darkness.
I beg you. I pray to you. Don't let them kill me. Show me how to see the light again. Spread the kindness above my soul. Small pieces of me erstwhile will pull to your light. Just give me a chance. To live. To breathe. To become a better human that I am now.
11/00. 8.11.12.