Insanity.. or cacophony?

 I had to come home from work poorly..had breakfast and just started vomiting ...bad eggs last night I think...off for a lie down. 
  What would you recommend for cleaning the stomach out ? Have you any recipes from your mum or yourself? A different culture has different ideas..It would be good to know.
  DO NOT TRY TO POISON ME!
  Still struggling with stomach cramps sooooooooo I got the dwarfs to untether my purple unicorn from his stable..and saddle him ..(he was upset because he was having his nightly drink of mithril oil)..and went to see my mother for a remedy ....oh I am allowed to keep a unicorn because I have made a pact with the underworld !!!!
  MY mum did not have any ideas.. so she suggested we go see the old wrinkled Cyclops ,who lives in the mountain called Lone Peak ..she asked her ogres to get the sabre tooth cat ready for a long journey ...being old she was unsure of the way ,so we had to employ the dark elves to show us the way..can you believe it they wanted 100 pieces of quicksilver for payment ...anyway we decided it was worth it ...
  On the way we had to avoid liches and balrogs  ...my mum has studied the arcane arts so she had some spells to protect us ...within 2 hours we had made it to the entrance of the lair of the Cyclops...at the entrance we were met by this stupid wraith who would not let us in, until we said the password ....after guessing certain words we were getting nowhere...so my mum commanded the sabre tooth cat to eat the wraith...this was like music to its ears...and it was gobbled up in no time bones and all !! ..
  Venturing into the lair we followed the dim light avoiding the spike and fireball traps until we met her..telling her my problem she wanted 2 balls of goblin string in payment ( nobody does anything for free any more ) - one ball for the cure ...one ball for the wraith ,her favourite one apparently ...she was quite fond of it and was quite sad that he had been eaten .. now ,I always carry some string ...you never know when it will come in useful!
  She opened her third eye in the middle of her head and threw some moonstone and primordial earth into the cauldron, which had been boiling since time began ,and started to inhale the fumes ...this mistress of hellish cooking seemed to go in a dream  and said I needed to make a stew ...the recipe was : the tongues of crows ,rattle snake liver, the gizzard from an eagle ,the sap from the wax palm which is native to South America mixed together with molten larva. But she warned me that once eaten the potion would only take effect when I was kissed by a blonde woman from the East who could speak 3 or more languages !!!!
  Thanking her ,we returned home ,the journey being uneventful ..my mum had put some  abyssal mantle from the lair in her pocket when the Cyclops was not looking...for her bad back she said ...I think she will ferment it and get drunk!
  I have now cooked and eaten this concoction-potion and managed to keep the stew in my belly ,but I need that kiss so much..


(from the novel "Marry me")