Rus-eng перевод отрывка из рассказа юрия казакова

Перевод небольшого отрывка из рассказа Юрия Казакова "Голубое и зеленое"

оригинал текста: http://www.litmir.net/br/?b=104752&p=5

5

Probably it’s impossible to specify the moment, when love came to you. I haven’t still decided when I fell in love with Lily. Perhaps, when I was wandering in the North alone? Or during our first kiss on the platform? Or when she gave me her hand for the first time and softly said her name. I have no idea. Now I know only one thing. I can’t live without her. Whole my life can be divided into two parts: before her and with her. How would I live without her and what would I mean? I neither want to think about it nor about possible death of dear people.

Our winter was wonderful. Everything brought us together: the past, the future, and all the joy of life. What a happy time, what a day, what vertigo!

But in spring I begin notice that something is wrong. Not much notice, but feel with a pang that some kind of change is coming. This is even hard to express. The difference in the nature is just begins to show. She doesn't like my ideas, she laughs at my dreams and we quarrel a several times. Then… Then everything goes downhill fast and everything looks more horrible. I feel that I’m losing her.

The world is full of young girls! But you know the only one, whom you look in the eyes, and only her voice affects to the point of tears. She speaks to you, listens to you, laughs, keeps silent, and then you realize, that you’re the only man she needs, and that she likes you as much as you do.

But here you notice with fear that her eyes, which always made you full of grace, are careless, they are withdrawn. She has moved so far away from you and you can’t reach her, can’t bring her back. Your impulses, proud and innermost thoughts don't mean anything for her and even you, with all your complicated heart have no value for her. All your tries to reach her are useless. She slipped away. She is somewhere alone with herself in wonderful unique world of her own and the door is closed for you. You are seized with despair, anger, regret and grief. You are desolated, deceived, crushed and powerless. Everything is gone, and you stand with empty hands, and it would better, if you fall and begin cry, calling out to an unknown god of your pain and helplessness. And you fall down, scream, she’ll give you a glance, and fright, surprise and pity will be reflect in her eyes. You’ll see everything, but not what you are looking for. And you wouldn’t get the only glance, her love, her life don’t belong to you. You can even become a hero, a genius, a man, who makes you feel proud, but you’ll never get the only glance, which you are hanker for so passionately.