Three Souls

I'm Julie. I'm 26 and I work as an HR manager in a large trading company. I would say that I'm a usual girl with her interests and thoughts if I didn't find out something special about myself. I've got three extra souls besides my own one. I got to know about it thanks to my ex-boyfriend. It's not a short story, but you have a plenty of time, don't you?
Shawn and I were together for more than one year. He was a very cool guy dressing only in very expensive fashionable clothes and behaving as he were a pop star. Frankly speaking, he wasn't a star at all. Shawn worked as an agent of an insurance company, but he was, probably, the most handsome agent ever. The story of our love started unexpectedly. One day I was at home when my doorbell rang. I opened the door and saw him. My eyes found his eyes, and two of us fell in love at a glance. A really great time followed after that day. Many wonderful moments, trips, restaurants, new stuff that we discovered together – all of it made me believe Shawn was adorable and he was exactly the guy I wanted to spend my entire life with.
Despite I thought I was totally in love, some part of me remained rational. This part noticed everything going on around us. After a year of dating I started to hear things I would never like to hear. My friends were saying he was kinda womanizer, he flirted with every girl he saw when I was away. I didn't want to believe it but something inside of me claimed to find out the truth. At first, I tried to talk to Shawn but, as I could expect, he rejected everything. So, I didn't ask him anymore. At the same time my friends continued to remind me about Shawn's behavior, and I understood these were not just gossips. I became more attentive and demanded more. I tried and spent with Shawn every free minute I got to take the situation under my control. But if someone extremely wants to do something there is no person or thing which can stop him. It was the same about Shawn. Realizing he got less time without me he became more courageous. He wasn't afraid to pick up girls even when I was near. Maybe, if a really smart girl were on my place she would have already dumped him. But I was too patient because I loved Shawn, and he often tried to assure me he felt the same. But such stuff can't last forever, right? There was a scene which drove me totally crazy. It was a weekend, and we were doing some shopping together. When I bought everything I needed I got back into the car and waited for Shawn. The mall we usually did shopping at had large windows made of transparent glass. Shawn's car was parked close to the front of the building, so I could see people and stores inside the mall. Despite there were lots of people, my eyes searched for only one person, my boyfriend. And they found him, unfortunately. Guess, what he was doing? Flirting with a saleswoman! I saw them talking to each other, smiling and laughing from time to time. Then I saw her write something on a piece of paper and hand to Shawn. He put it in the right front pocket of his jeans, smiled to her again and came out of the mall. When he got into the car, I asked:
– Did I miss anything? What was just going on?
– What do you mean?
– You know what I mean! You were flirting with that saleswoman!
– Julie, calm down. We were just talking, is it forbidden?
– Just talking, ha?! Then what for you need her phone number?
I made a quick move, and that piece of paper got in my hands. Looking at Shawn's face I realized he didn't expect me to do anything like that. Then I looked at the paper. I was right: there was a phone number and a women name. I gave the paper back to Shawn and wondered:
– How are you going to explain this?
– Listen, baby, looked for one thing but it's not available right now, so she gave me her number and asked to call in a week…
– What thing?
– I can't say. It's gonna be a surprise. For your birthday.
– What are you talking about? What surprise? My birthday is in 5 months! Why are you lying to me?!
– I'm not lying. Julie, I only wanted to…
– Enough! – shouted I. I got out of the car and ran to the nearest taxi I noticed. When I got in the driver asked me:
– Where are we going, young lady?
– Doesn't matter. Just go somewhere.
The taxi was riding across the city for a bit of time and only after that I named my home address. When I came into my house the first thing I did was calling my mom. I told her about everything. She listened to me patiently, and then she reminded me her story:
– As far as you know, my darling, your father and I broke up in young ages because I was too jealous of him. I asked him to never call me or try to meet me again. A week after that I found out I was pregnant. Lucky for me, he didn't care much about my words said when I was angry. We met again soon, and I said I forgave him. When he got to know I was pregnant he immediately made a proposal. Now I live my life together with my best friend and realize that there was nothing to forgive. Think about it.
She said many more different things, so ended talking in the late evening. On one hand, my mom was right saying that gossips, doubts and unjustified suspicions shouldn't define the future of the relationships. But on the other hand, I knew gossips didn't appear by themselves. I came to the mirror in my room and said aloud:
– What if I could know for sure?
Suddenly I began to change. My hair, my face, my body – everything changed. The reflection in the mirror wasn't mine. It was a lovely blonde girl wearing a pink dress. She also had a silver necklace with her name on it, 'Lily'. Why do I say 'she'? Because I didn't at once realize it was me. But after I actually did I thought, "This is my solution. This is how I can find out the truth about Shawn". I began doing something trying to adjust to the new appearance, and then I discovered it wasn't only about my look. The way I moved, the way I spoke, the way I thought – everything changed in me. I thought about things I'd never think of before. When I was placing dishes into the dish-washer I occasionally broke a nail. If I were myself I wouldn't even notice, but that girl, Lily, thought, "Oh, my god! Such an awful accident! What am I supposed to do now? I loved this nail so much!" The part of me which belonged to me personally was a bit shocked and immediately claimed aloud:
– I want myself back!
I started changing again. Now I recognized this feeling, it was the same when I was turning to Lily. I felt like I was plunging into water deeper and deeper down despite I was standing at one place. When this feeling was over I came to the mirror hoping to see myself but instead I saw a new girl. This time I was wearing glasses and dressed like a business lady. I also had a dark hair and a suitcase in my hands. The name of this girl was Mirra; it was printed on the suitcase. Mirra didn't think about broken nails at all. What she thought (or I thought?) about was planning various activities, creating successful strategies, supporting startups to make them work better than experienced companies and a lot more things. These thoughts were somehow related to my real job but were on a far higher level. In a few minutes I was already tired of this unstoppable business thinking. I stepped closer to the mirror and asked:
– Ok, what else have you got to surprise me?
Despite I said that I didn't really believe there could be one more girl for me to turn to. But there was. The first thing I noticed when the changing finished was that she was smiling. She, oops, I had a ginger hair put in two plaits. I was wearing jeans and a checked shirt and also had a backpack. The way I looked like now reminded me the years when I was in college. I felt the same energy, the same will to learn new things. I wanted to live, to dance, to sing, to jump, to run, to go and do something interesting right now! But the part of the real me which had already graduated from college didn't let me do what I wanted. Instead, it wondered what the name of this girl was. I put my backpack down the floor and opened it. There was a lot of stuff inside of it. Some books, magazines, CDs, a chewing gum, a clown's nose, a map of Australia and other things. Most of the books were about music and arts but there were also two books for learning Turkish. A minute later I found a copybook with Turkish words in it. It was very interesting to read but I didn't have enough free time at that moment. I closed the copybook and noticed a name written on its cover. It was written in Turkish letters and sounded as 'Ashka'. I didn't know if it was a real name or a nickname of the girl, but at least I got some word to identify her for myself.
I felt a bit tired after all of these transformations. I put the copybook into the bag and sat down my bed.
– May I, please, have myself back? Seriously, – asked I. I didn't know whom I asked but I was completely sure this wasn't under only my control. There was someone or something responsible for it. I didn't know what powers gave me three more souls but it seemed to be a useful option for me at that moment.
I felt the same thing as before and came to the mirror. It was me! Finally, it was the real me! I knew I wasn't perfect but I was very happy to get myself back. I looked at my watch. It was 3 am. I thought, "Thanks god, it's a weekend. I don't have to wake up early tomorrow". Tired after a difficult day, I went to bed.
When I woke up the sun was shining brightly through my windows. It was about midday. I got up, changed my clothes and went to the kitchen. I fried some eggs with bacon and had breakfast. After that I picked up dirty clothes and turned on the washing machine. Then I noticed there was a message on my phone. I knew who the sender was. The message said, "Honey, I'm sorry for disappointing you. I feel terrible. But you have to know I didn't lie to you. Can we meet and talk?"
Frankly speaking, I didn't feel like I was ready to talk to Shawn as I was still very upset because of his behavior yesterday. But I decided not to delay. This day was the very day to find out the truth.
I sent a message to Shawn saying "Let's meet at W. restaurant at 6 pm". A minute later he tried to call me but I rejected the call. I found cola in the fridge and turned on my favorite TV series. I needed some rest from the events happened lately.
My rest didn't last for long. Soon I started picking up. Being absolutely sure he didn't deserve anything special I plaited my hair to a tail, put on casual clothes and a bit of daily makeup, and left home.
Shawn was waiting for me at the restaurant holding flowers. He handed them to me without saying a word when I came closer to our table. I took the flowers and immediately put on the table.
– Honey, – started Shawn, – I understand all your feelings and emotions, and it's absolutely normal that you go jealous sometimes. But I can't get one thing, only one. Why don't you trust me? Why do you believe the words of all other people and suspect me? Are they closer to you than I?
I wanted to shout everything I was thinking about at that moment, but I managed to control myself and explain:
– I don't really care about gossips, and I wouldn't believe anyone else's words in case I haven't seen everything myself. Listening to other people is not necessary when I can witness the way you behave with girls in my absence.
–You're still talking about the woman in the mall?
– Yes. Or you'd like to say there was another one?
Shawn sighed.
– I wish I could wait for your birthday but in current situation I can't find a better solution.
He got out of the pocket a little black box and opened. There was a ring! It was a golden ring decorated with jewels of different colors.
– That's the thing I was looking for to surprise you when you birthday comes. The saleswoman I talked to yesterday gave me the phone number of a good jewel store named 'Camilla' where I bought this ring. Do you trust me now?
I was too shocked to answer. I only knocked.
– And I've got one more question to you. Will you marry me?
Oh, Jesus!
– I… I… It's so unexpected, – said I finally.
There was a mess of thoughts in my head at that moment. To name only some of them: "Shawn made a proposal to me, still can't believe it"; "the ring is amazing"; "maybe, he told me the truth about his talk with the saleswoman?"; "who gave me three new souls?"; "Shawn must be waiting for the answer but I keep silence"; "is there such a store 'Camilla' here?" Well, let's stop now. I had never heard of such a store in our city…
– What do you say? – asked Shawn.
– I need some time to think.
I got up going to leave the restaurant.
– Wait! Won't you eat with me? I've already ordered some food.
– I'm not hungry. I'll call you? – said I and went outside.
I was surprised by Shawn's proposal but not happy. I didn't trust him. What if…? I looked at my watch. It was only quarter before 7. Tomorrow I was supposed to get up early for work but I still had some free time. I hid behind the side wall of the restaurant and thought whether I would transform to Lily or not. I felt the same plunging into water as before. When I looked down at my shoes, my dress and my bag I didn't even have to look in a mirror to be sure I turned to Lily.
– So, – whispered I to myself, – let's find out.
Lily came inside and approached Shawn's table.
– Do you mind if I sit here? There are no free tables, – Lily smiled. Her voice sounded so strange to me.
– Oh, yes, – Shawn immediately stood up and moved aside a chair for Lily. – Please, join me.
– You alone? – asked Lily.
– Yes, – Shawn sighed, – now yes.
– Is everything ok with you?
Shawn made such a face as if he was going to cry and told in a very upset voice:
– Just now I made a proposal to my girlfriend. We've been together for two years, but she refused explaining she loved another guy for quite a long time and lied to me not to break my heart.
What?! Was he serious? As myself I'd love to slap him in the face right now but at that time I wasn't Julie, I was Lily who sympathized him:
– Poor you. How could she do that? It's such a pity. Please, don't be so sad. You'll find someone better.
Shawn knocked.
– You're right. I have to think about my future, not past. I'm not going to cry of her all my life. I feel like I need to draw away. What are you doing tomorrow evening?
Lily took out of the bag her cell phone pretending she received a message.
– Unfortunately, I have to go. I don't know if I'm free tomorrow. Here's my number, call me.
Lily wrote non-existent number on a napkin and went away. She didn't come out but went to the restroom instead. There, in a cabin where no one could see me, I turned back to myself and cried. Meant the gossips were true. Today I got all of the wanted answers.
In several minutes I calmed down. I made a decision, the very right decision, I suppose. This decision consisted of three 'n': not to answer his calls, not to talk to him and not to meet him anymore. After I made this decision I felt much better. And even more, I felt somewhat curious. I liked the game with Lily's image and looking at Shawn who didn't know it was me. I stayed there to continue.
Mirra came out of the restroom and sat at the table by the bar. She looked at Shawn and smiled when he raised his head. Mirra knew he wouldn't miss such a girl, and she was right. In a minute Shawn appeared behind her.
– May I buy you a drink?
– No, I'll buy it myself. But you can drink with me. Barmen, a glass of red wine, please!
Barman filled the glass and handed it to Mirra. Then he addressed Shawn:
– Would you like something?
– I'll take whiskey.
When the barman gave him his drink Shawn turned to Mirra and asked:
– What such a charming woman is doing here?
– That's a long story.
– I'm not in a hurry, – smiled Shawn. Mirra told him about her non-existent enterprise, non-existent cruel rivals, spies and commercial secrets. Shawn was a good listener. He attentively listened to Mirra till the very end of her speech. When she finished up he said:
– You're a lucky person!
Mirra raised up her eyebrows as a sign of a question.
– I'm a crisis manager. And it'll be a pleasure for me to help you save your company.
– Seems like you're right, I am a lucky person to meet a crisis manager in a bar. But how much does your help cost?
– Well, we can go to my place and discuss everything in detail…
Ouch! Look at this man! He wasn't at least ashamed to offer such things to Mirra when he just made a proposal to me!
– Not today, – answered Mirra. – Maybe, other time.
– Ok. I'll call you if you give me your number.
– No, I won't give it to you. But I often come here in the evening. I think we'll meet again.
Mirra left money for wine and went away. She came outside and looked around. The sun already hid behind the horizon. There was nobody in the street. I returned to my real body and went to the parking to find my car. I was passing by Shawn's car when I heard the restaurant's doors bang. I turned my head and saw Shawn coming out. I quickly squatted, so he didn't notice me. But I hid near his car, and he was approaching it! He expected me to leave an hour ago but now he would know I was there all this time.
I worried about it so much that didn't even notice I was already rescued. When Shawn came closer I stood up realizing I wasn't myself again. I turned to Ashka.
He must have thought she was a teenager because he said:
– What are you doing beside my car? If there is graffiti or something like that on it I'll call the police.
Ashka made one step towards Shawn.
– Oh, so angry. I'm too adult too entertain myself drawing graffiti.
– Alright, I got it, – replied Shawn. – But what did you do here?
– Nothing. I just looked at your car. A nice one. I want to buy the same model of Ford.
Shawn didn't seem to completely believe Ashka but anyway he got in the car and drove away. I took a breath of fresh air and finally found my car. Only inside of it I transformed back to Julie, after which I drove home.
Returned to my house I took a shower and immediately went to bed. But I lay there for long before I managed to get asleep. I couldn't stop thinking about Shawn, our relationships and how blind I was before this day. I also wondered whether he was like that from the beginning of our affair or began behaving this way not so long ago. But most of all I was caught by only one question – now what?
This question was the last in my mind when I got asleep and the first one when I woke up in the morning. But I didn't know the answer for this question. I just did what I always did in the morning and went to work.
I surrendered to the routine of life. Every day I did the same things. On weekend I did shopping, all the house work and then watched soap operas till midnight. I gave up my fish and vegetable diet I usually did during one week in a month. I didn't dye my hair and forgot about makeup. By the way, Shawn tried to call me several times but I ignored his calls. I finally stopped saving money for honey moon trip. Yes, it's what I am. I began saving money for it after one month of being together. I sincerely believed Shawn was my one and the only. But he didn't match my expectations. I put the box with the saved money to the farthest corner of the closet and tried to forget about everything.
My depression lasted for two months. Maybe, it would last even more if one day my chief didn't invite me to her office. She tried to find out what was going on with me, but I didn't feel ready to discuss it, especially with the chief. Then she said it didn't matter what led me to this depression. In any case, some changes would help to overcome it, so she said. She suggested me to go on leave for one-two weeks, travel somewhere or try something new to get rid of negative emotions. At the end she added she hoped I would return from leave ready to work efficiently 'cause the way I worked for the past two months was unacceptable, and if I don't start working with energy and enthusiasm I would get fired.
What a nice piece of news! Ha. So inspiring. Besides everything I could get fired.
I followed chief's advice and went on leave for one week. First two days I stayed home sleeping as much as I could and relaxing. On a third day I thought my chief could be right, it was worth to go somewhere, to see new sights. I searched for some places on the Internet. By chance I noticed one ad which made me pay attention to it. It was saying 'You have no idea what a man you can become'. I opened their website. The ad mentioned about a two-week intensive training from a famous multibillionaire, coach of personal success. 'If you want to discover new talents and abilities in yourself, to meet big opportunities, to go on a far higher level of personal efficiency…' I didn't continue reading 'cause I already got it was exactly what I needed and what I wanted to try out. But there was a little problem. The price for participation was 1740 dollars. There was a discount, the original price was told to be 2440. Meant they lowered it by 700. Still, could I afford to pay $1740 for a training? Absolutely not. Or… Eureka! If I wasn't going to marry Shawn (and I definitely wasn't going to marry him) and wasn't going to marry on the whole in the nearest time I didn't need money for honey moon trip. I did have the required sum, even a bit more, which was not bad taking in mind the training would take place in other city so I would have to pay for accommodation.
The decision was taken. I would go. The training was to start in two days that's why I immediately called the phone number from the site hoping there still were free places. And there were some! The manager asked for my e-mail address and sent me all information on the payment and the schedule.
On the same day I went to bank with saved money and paid for participation in this training. I also called my chief and warned her I needed two additional weeks on leave. When she asked me 'why' her voice didn't sound pleased so I told her about the training despite I wasn't going to tell anyone about it. She considered it to be a good idea and let me put off returning to work.
During two next days I was impatiently waiting for the time to go. But I didn't spend them in vain. At first, I did the most important – found a suitable hotel and booked a room. Then I went shopping to buy something cool for the upcoming event. I supposed there would be serious businessmen, smart and wealthy people. I just wanted to look in an appropriate way. And this want brought me to another place, hairdresser's. The roots of my hair had grown and were dark while the rest was some mixture of blonde and orange. I asked to shorten it a bit and do something with the color. The hairdresser was very nice to me. She helpfully advised to give my hair its natural color and to make a fringe. I agreed. When she finished I hardly recognized myself. But I loved the new look. It was making me more self-confident.
When I packed all the necessary things and felt psychologically ready for changes I left home. The city where this event would happen wasn't that far, only two hours of driving if going by the highway. I could go there in the morning. But I didn't want to appear sleepy at the training, so I drove there on the eve. I spent night at hotel thanks to what I was sprightly and not in a hurry in the morning.
Well, what can I say? The first day didn't make a deep impression on me though I came back to hotel feeling pretty satisfied. The coach was charismatic and had a good sense of humor. The place was comfortable. It was organized like a large caf; containing many small round tables with 3-4 chairs near each of them, a so-called bar (there was no alcohol – only tea, coffee, cola and juices) and a low-level stage by one of the walls. As far as I got these interiors intended to make people feel somewhat informal and to let them relax. But with the number of participants it wasn't too easy to relax. There were about 200 people. I counted then during the first break.
On the whole, the first day didn't give much useful knowledge as it usually happens. The coach spoke about the reasons why we were there today, mentioned some facts from his biography explaining why he became who he was now, and told us which topics we were going to discuss and what kind of skills we were going to acquire during the next two weeks. However, this day was important for me. When speaking about his training the coach suddenly paused and asked, "Do you have a dream? If you do, raise up your both hands". I didn't even manage to realize if I had a dream while the majority of people raised their hands immediately. In the evening sitting alone in my hotel room I tried to find out what my dream was like. I was sure it did exist but when it came to the question about my dream I was confused. I definitely wished something. Firstly, I wished to work better not to lose my job. But it wasn't a dream, just a necessity. Well, before the breakup with Shawn I dreamed of living in a two-storied house with a swimming pool in the backyard, having a loving husband, two children and a dog. I dreamed to give up working after marriage, become a housewife – stay home, cook delicious food for my family, plant flowers in front of the house, walk the dog in the early morning, look after my kids and visit my parents twice a month. For a long period of time the place of my husband in such dreams was occupied by Shawn. He used to be a center for all other parts, connecting them with one another. Now the center of my dream life was empty. A pity.
The second day of the training was far more exciting than the first one. It was devoted to self confidence. I discovered a lot of new things for myself and understood I never was confident enough. That's why I wrote down all of the tips the coach gave on 'how to be confident'. I also liked my company. Yesterday I sat at different tables after every break; I acquainted with many people but didn't remember at least any of them. Today I sat at the table with a married couple, David and Ashley. Unlike the most people there they weren't young – David was 52 and Ashley was 49. But they were adorable; so funny, so smart, so open-minded and so emotional that I felt like communicating with people who were even younger than me. During all breaks we discussed the coach's speech, counted questions and tasks he gave us, told jokes and laughed a lot. I didn't have so much fun for a huge period of time. But it didn't remain the only source of inspiration for me.
When there was left a half an hour till the end the coach told he had notice one old friend of him among the training's participants. He asked this person to come out to the stage. One man stood up from his chair and went there. He shook the hand of the coach and took the microphone.
– Oh, it's Alex! – exclaimed Ashley.
I couldn't stop myself from asking Ashley who he was. She told:
– He's a great man. One day he saved our life by saving our family business.
– He is a lawyer, – said David answering the question I was about to ask. – He runs his legal advice office. And I must admit he's one of the best in his field. Only a few can compete with him.
– Wow, – said I and began to listen attentively to the speaker.
He told that seven years ago, when he used to work as a lawyer's junior assistant after the graduation, he had nothing but for his big dream – to become the head of his own company. He wasn't self confident at all, he was afraid to look at a judge during a lawsuit. At that time he visited the first personal success training in his life. It changed everything.
He continued speaking but at that moment I suddenly paid attention to his appearance. He was nearly of my age or a bit older, tall, with light skin, dark brown hair and big shining eyes. He wore dark blue jeans with a white t-shirt and had, as I guessed, and expensive watch on his right hand. He hardly could be called ultra handsome, but he was charismatic and very self confident. There obviously was something magnetic in him. So charming that I totally missed the rest of his speech. I realized it was finished only after Ashley had waved her hand in front of me and said my name three times.
– Julie, what happened to you? – asked David with a slight smile.
– Alex is our friend. If you wish we can introduce you, – added Ashley.
– No, thank you. It's not necessary. I'm a bit tired, that's all. I almost fell asleep just now.
I smiled and got up.
– Ok, see you tomorrow.
– See you.
I left and went to hotel. Yes, I was a bit tired. At least, I put all my efforts to convince myself I didn't feel anything else.
Next two days were full of new knowledge, new impressions, and new friends. I realized how many thing I would love to change about me and the way I lived. I also got I would have to work a lot to get this job done. And it seemed I was ready for a total change. Like before I sat at the same table with David and Ashley thanks to what the training had become even funnier and more entertaining for me. I noticed I felt myself much better, my depression was gone.
Despite Ashley and David didn't say a single word about Alex I was thinking of him. During these days I did my best to find him among all people in the hall, but didn't succeed. I didn't know why but I wanted to see him. Realizing he might have come here only on that day to tell about the benefits of the training I still hoped he would appear again.
On the fifth day it happened. I noticed him in the morning entering the building. Then I saw him inside. I sat with David and Ashley, as usually, and he sat in the left front corner. There were five tables between us. I tried hard to listen to the coach but my head was unwillingly turning to the left all the time. I guessed my company also noticed that. I was grateful they didn't ask or say anything about it.
When the coach announced a short break I saw Alex getting up and approaching to our table. At that very minute I quickly walked away pretending I needed to go to lady's room. Surely, it wasn't the true reason to leave the table, but I went to lady's room anyway. I looked into a mirror to check if my hair and makeup were okay, then I entered a cabin. When I was about to come out I stretched my arm without turning my body and pushed the button, but it didn't work. I pushed it another time and another, but it didn't work again. I felt a bit angry because of it, I sharply turned around as pushed as strongly as I could. Finally, it worked. I began opening the door and moving out when I heard a sound of tearing cloth. Oh, God! I was afraid to look. The cabin was very narrow, and when I was turning around my dress was caught by a nail on the side wall. It was a mystery what for there was a nail in the wall, but even if I knew that it wouldn't change the result: there appeared a big hole on the left side of my dress. I came out of the cabin and looked in the mirror. The hole was pretty noticeable but when I put my left arm close to the body it wasn't seen. I decided this solution was enough to get back to the table, and when I would sit in a chair no one will notice the hole.
Frankly speaking, for a moment I thought of going to hotel to put on other cloth but I didn't want to miss anything significant from the training that's why I returned to the table. Ashley turned her head to me and smiled. Soon the break was over.
Today's topic was 'making a good first impression on people. It was overwhelming. After the break the coach was looking for volunteers to show us some impression experiment. There already were eight people standing on the stage but he needed more. He came down from the stage and went across tables. I couldn't even suppose he would stop near me and ask:
– How about you, Ms? Would you like to join us?
– No, – said I confidently.
I wasn't going to demonstrate the hole in my dress to everyone.
– Are you afraid to come out there? – asked the coach.
– No, I just…
I didn't know what to say. Thanks God, this man went away and talked to someone else. Ashley bended forward to me and said:
– Don't worry. It's fine to be afraid to come to the stage when there are two hundred people looking at you.
– I'm not! – whispered I loudly.
I showed Ashley the hole in my dress. She got everything, nodded and smiled. I turned my head and looked to the corner where Alex was sitting. He was staring at me! I immediately turned to other side. He must have thought I was a coward. In a couple of minutes I turned to the left again. He was still looking at me. Now he would probably remember me and this occasion. Such a shame! Before this moment I even used to think to let David and Ashley introduce me to him because he seemed to be someone interesting to talk to. But after this situation I had to drop these thoughts out of my mind.
Next morning I could hardly convince myself to go to the training. But I did go. I didn't even try to look for Alex because I didn't want to see him staring at me. Only after two hours spent there I looked around. He didn't come today. It made me feel a bit better. But I also realized some part of me wanted to see him again. The day seemed to be very long for me. I thought it was because of unstoppable learning process. To my happiness, the coach announced the next day to be a day off so that we could relax and continue with a full set of energy the day after tomorrow.
Finally, this day off had come. I slept till 11 am, and then I went to a caf; for breakfast. After I had eaten I decided to go shopping. I didn't really intend to buy lots of things, just wanted to entertain. However, big sales in one store made me try on some clothes. When I entered a fitting room and put on new pants and a new shirt I stood in front of the mirror evaluating myself. I remembered as a couple of days ago I thought about getting to know Alex. But what could I count on? I was of a middle height, closer to short than to tall, a little fat. My hair and my face were ordinary, my brows weren't of a perfect shape and my nose was covered by freckles. In short words, nothing was impressive in me. Even if I could count on becoming a sort of friends with him before, it became impossible after I got ashamed and he stared at me. I shouldn't hope. For girls like me such men as Alex were always a never coming dream.
I looked in the mirror again and tried to imagine the appearance and behavior of the woman who must be next to him. At that moment I suddenly remembered about my additional souls. I exactly knew what kind of a woman could be a friend for Alex, and her image was with me. I couldn’t get to know Alex myself but I easily could do it as Mirra!
Happy because of the found solution I quickly tried all the clothes I had brought, bought what I liked and went for a short walk.
On the next day I came there earlier than usually. A bit later Ashley and David joined me at the table. They notice my good mood and asked why I looked so happy. I answered I just had a nice rest yesterday. I was a bit afraid Alex wouldn't come but he came. I even noticed him looking at me from time to time during the day. He must be remembering what had happened and laughing at me or just trying to figure out why 'this girl' sat at the same table with his old friends.
When today's program was coming to its end I told my company I had to go, said goodbye and left. Actually I went to lady's room. There was no one inside, so I stood looking in the mirror and wished to transform. The sensation was the same as it used to be, and in some seconds there wasn't Julie any more. There was Mirra, beautiful, smart and obviously self-confident. Mirra came out. The moment was right: everyone was getting up from their chairs discussing the day with one another and preparing to go away. Without blinking Mirra walked across the hall, went straight to Alex and said:
– Hi!
– Hi, – said he not showing any interest to continue the conversation. But Mirra didn't pay attention to this.
– I was inspired by your speech at the beginning of the training. I admired your believe in your dream and your will to achieve your goals. I know only a few people who can do the same. If you don't mind I would love to get to know more about you. Are you busy tonight?
Alex attentively looked at Mirra and didn't answer anything. He turned and went to the direction of the exit. Mirra went after him and asked:
– So, what do you say? We can drink something or…
– Listen, I don't want any misunderstanding. If there is any serious issue I can help you with, come to my office, I'll be happy to help, – said Alex.
Mirra was a smart girl that's why she understood he didn't want to meet her. She went to the parking and got in the car. There, after I was sure no one could see me, I turned back to myself. On the way to hotel I was trying to get why he treated Mirra this way. Didn't he like her? I rejected to believe it. Maybe, there was another reason for such behavior. What if he had a girlfriend? And he didn't want to drink and talk with a beautiful woman not to make his girlfriend jealous? This variant seemed to be closer to truth than any other.
Anyway, I wanted to find out that's why I asked Ashley on the next day.
– No, he's single, – answered she. – Why do you ask?
– Just curious.
– Hmm. He was looking for you yesterday after you had left.
– Are you sure?
I was shocked. Why did he look for me? He didn't even know me. It was strange. Well, maybe, Ashley said like this because she didn't give in the idea to introduce us to each other.
– I suppose he was looking for someone else, not me, – said I. – Did he ask you about me?
– No, – answered David. – You might be right; he could be looking for someone else.
– Unfortunately, we can't ask him personally, – smiled Ashley. – He'll return only in four days. I've heard he left for the capital because of an urgent business. But after he's back we can find out.
Ashley's words made me calm down. I wouldn't come across with him till the last day of the training. Undoubtedly, he was looking not for me yesterday. I didn't want Ashley to ask him whether he looked for me or not, especially because I sat at the same table with her and she would surely ask him in front of me. So, his absence for some days was good for me.
During next three days I wasn't strained and didn't worry about anything. I enjoyed the training as we looked upon such interesting topics as 'communicating with one's colleagues and partners', 'persuading people', 'avoiding interpersonal conflicts', 'cherishing responsibility and discipline', 'treating critics in a positive way' and 'using problems as a reason for self development'. I knew I wouldn't remember a large part of this information in a month but some basic principles would definitely remain in my mind when I get back to work.
In the evening of the twelfth day when I returned to hotel I felt a bit sad that everything was about to end so soon. The training itself was to finish tomorrow. On the day after tomorrow there would be only a ceremony of receiving training completion certificates, and then everyone would go home. It was like an adventure for me after which I didn't want to come back to reality. But I decided to get rid of such thoughts and went outdoors to have a walk before sleep.
The hotel was located in the downtown of the city. There were no private houses here, only stores and offices. Many of the offices were already closed but some were still working. When I turned left near the corner of a building I suddenly notice Alex. I instantly made a step back and hid behind the corner hoping he hadn't seen me. Then I carefully put out my head and watched. He took a pile of documents from his car and went inside the building. It must have been his office. What if he saw me from a window? I wouldn't want that, so I asked "Turn me to someone right now". In a few seconds I felt myself a student realizing I turned to Ashka.
Ashka got an idea. She wasn't afraid to come out to the street. Ashka stood in front of Alex's office looking at its transparent doors and windows. She even found a sign on a door inside saying 'Alex Lantorn's office'. Lantorn? What a funny surname! It sounded almost like 'lantern'. Noticed Alex coming to the doors Ashka quickly opened her bag pretending to be searching for something in there. When Alex came outside she stepped ahead and dropped down the bag after they crashed. All contents of the bag was scattered on the sidewalk.
– Sorry, – said Ashka and squatted to pick up her stuff.
– It's okay, – smiled Alex and squatted too to help her. He picked up a copybook and read aloud with some tone of a question:
– Ashka?
Ashka smiled.
– 'Ashk' means 'love' in Turkish. It's my nickname. I added 'a' letter to make it sound more like a name.
– Got it, – said Alex. He helped her to pick up everything, and then he got in his car and went away.
After he had gone I turned back to myself. I used to hope that while picking up things with Ashka he would look into her eyes and invite her to drink a cup of coffee as it usually happened in romantic movies. But my hopes didn't work out.
When I got back to my hotel room I suddenly understood that if Alex had come back today he was probably going to participate in the training tomorrow where Ashley would certainly call him to our table to ask who he had been looking for then, and I would stand like a silent statue too ashamed to say a word and too charmed by his voice and appearance. Yes, when I was in Ashka's image I evaluated it. The old conversation between him and Mirra didn't let me see it because I was a bit nervous, and he also wasn't in a good mood. But now, at a short distance between Ashka and Alex, I noticed how handsome he was when he smiled. His voice sounded magically charming. The darkness in his eyes was so deep that I almost sank in it.
I guessed I totally fell for Alex. Maybe, if I didn't try to talk to him as Mirra and Ashka it wouldn't have happened. But it did, and I couldn't reverse anything. The question I was trying to find the answer for was 'How will I go to the training feeling like that?' I didn't want to miss the last day, but I had to do something about it. And I found a solution.
Next day I came there in the early morning. After I entered I went to lady's room and turned to Lily. In her image I returned to the hall. Lily sat at a table in the right back corner which was far from the place where David and Ashley usually sat. By the way, they also came soon. Lily saw them being a little surprised when the training started and Julie hadn't appeared yet. Later on Alex came in and joined Ashley and David. They began talking, and Lily turned her head to the direction of the stage. Today's topic was about making a good schedule and planning your time the way it would let you manage to do more than most people. This knowledge was very useful. At least, Lily was sure it would help a lot in some cases.
At the end of the day Lily came back to hotel where she changed her appearance. It was a nice solution to go to the training as not myself, but I also realized I couldn't do the same tomorrow. I needed to go there as Julie to receive my certificate. If I went as Lily Ashley and David would see other person instead of me when my name would be called. But I hoped Alex wouldn't be there tomorrow. Well, even if he came I almost wouldn't see him; I would just receive my certificate and get out of there.
Despite my plan was pretty good everything went in a different way. Surely, when Ashley saw me in the hall she came to me and asked:
– Where have you been yesterday?
– My temperature was high. Guess, I got a cold, – said I and coughed to make my words look more similar to truth.
– It's great you came today. Someone wants to meet you.
Ashley smiled and turned back. There was Alex standing at 3-4 meters distance from us. He approached and said:
– Hi.
– Hi, – answered I surprisingly.
He stretched his hand to me.
– I'm Alex.
– Julie.
I shook his hand and smiled.
– So, do you mind if I join you today? – asked he.
I didn't know what to say. Ashley exclaimed:
– Oh, I just saw David looking for me. I'd better go tell him I'm here.
She left. I still kept silence.
– Did I scare you? – asked Alex.
– No. I just… I know what kind of a person you are, I've heard of your numerous achievements and… why? Why are you here now?
– Because I like you.
– You don't even know me.
– You haven't asked David and Ashley what their family business is, have you?
– No. I wanted to do it several times but always forgot. Does it matter?
– They are family psychologists. You can't even imagine how many people they helped. And they never make mistakes when it concerns relationships.
– Ok, and what?
– Sometimes I trust them more than myself. I noticed you at the very beginning, and a bit later I asked David about you as I saw you sitting together with them. David told me you are a good person. On the next day Ashley and David came to me and told that my future happiness got freckles on her nose. I wouldn't forgive myself if I missed the chance to meet her.
If I say I was astonished it would reflect less than a half of my feelings at that moment. It was very difficult to believe in but it was true. The thing I tried to reach being somebody else came to me on its own feet when I remained myself. I suddenly realized three souls given to me weren't' for vain. They helped me understand I'm not worse that someone else. I do deserve what I wish and I shouldn't accept what I don't like.
After the ceremony David, Ashley, Alex and I went to a restaurant. Then I left for home already agreed with Alex he would come to me on weekend. He came. We went to cinema, ate ice-cream and popcorn, and then we made a little barbeque in my backyard just for two of us, fried hotdogs and chicken wings. On the next weekend I went to him. He invited me to go with him to yoga class. I didn't manage to do all the exercises but Alex said it was very good for the first time. Then we went to the river and went boating by the boat of Alex's friend. We stopped in the center, the waves pleasantly rocked the boat, and we talked. When I asked Alex what he was dreaming of he told me he wanted to live in a big house with a swimming pool, having loving wife who cooks well, two children and dogs. A strange feeling as if I already knew his dreams stayed with me for long in that evening.
The coach said everyone should have a dream. I know he was right. Your dream is the light driving you through the darkness of uncertainty, and you shouldn't give it up no matter what. Because one day you'll meet someone whose dreams are similar to yours.

June 27 2014