The Tale of Robbery and Rape

People of old times lived differently from us. People had no any internet at all. People had few friends, but a lot of relatives. And now on the contrary. But the relatives needed to be fed and helped. Later on people realised that hundred of FB friends is better than hundred of real relatives. To feed one's relatives, one had to rob travellers on the roads, the ones who travel by legs out of internet. Because of that they became robbers. The robbers roasted meat and drank wine. Their chieftainess read the cards and so recognized the government's plans for the future. This helped to coordinate their own plans to rob the government by the way. And from the roasted meat their cholesterol began to gallop, which is intolerable. Then the robbers came to study at university and invented the idea to become government or something else to eat tasty.

They have learned to eat chips with beer, because the wine caused them to develop alcoholism. Later came the Internet, and everything became possible to find out: the bad things and the good ones. Chips are bad. And beer is good. Or bad. They’ve not yet reached a consensus.
For girls the most important thing in life - to learn well. Then you need to work well, so as to build a career. And important is to to get married in time, not to sit alone in front of the TV. You need to dress and makeup. Or, imagination and sense of humor, if there is not much money. In one portal lived such a girl with fantasy. She was modest, and her name was Angel. In fact, the girl was overwhelmed by passions, and even published a novel online about them:  about how she met a handsome prince, and all sorts of nasty things he did to her. She was very lonely. Well-bred people were pushed away by her novel. As for the ill-mannered ones - they were pushed away by her exterior. Angel had a large face with small features in the middle.

And then one day robber Kola came to their portal. He had many relatives, and they wanted Kola to be rich and making a lot of money. So he became a thief. He ate chips with beer and hacked everything. He became rich from that, and he had several top-level domains and even one online casino. From the success Kola became dizzy, and even a bit of a megalomaniac. And he realized that he was a genius. He ate chips and drank beer and thought he very soon will be a rich millionaire and pay crazy dibs to pump up his muscles and crawl out so, that girls liked him (in his spare time from robbery, he had studied girls on the Internet and had come to the conclusion that they do not like him.)

He liked the novel about a handsome prince. He really thought it was very interesting shit. He registered and wrote what he thought: "With best wishes, Incognito" - and he wrote the wishes. Angel read those wishes and in the morning went to work sleepy. And from her work she sent to Incognito a long letter with a photo and wrote everything about herself, that she lives alone and unmarried, and works in the federal bank as a junior protection programmer. Kola looked at the picture and started drinking beer. He drank a case of beer and started second and then decided to read the letter. After the novel it was quite short and he liked its content. Kola has decided not to look at the photo, but to write directly what he thinks. He wrote: "Hello, Angel! I really like everything you write! Whatever the line - all superb. The small things like that you know programming - are very important to me. I can do a lot of things, but I have respect for this real programmer of protection in the federal bank. It is a pity that I live very far from you, across the country, and in addition, I’ve a second rank of disability without means of motion. But I am very happy that we met online. "

In fact, he lived in the same city with her, but decided not to tell. He drew himself a nice disability certificate in Photoshop with a beautiful name, and sent it to Angel. The certificate had a photograph of Kola’s classmate; Kolya said that he does not have another photo, so he sends her a copy of his testimony. Angel liked Kola’s classmate, and she was upset because of his health, but noticed about the surname: “It’s beautiful. I suppose, this is the same as that of the oil king? "

Kola wrote to her that it was a namesakes coincidence, and in another two letters acknowledged that in fact his Dad refused him because of the disability, and they actually are not friends. And they agreed to be friends online and never part. Angel began to write poems about the sublime love, Kola began to think of plans of how to delicately learn about all the passwords in a federal bank from her.

And after six months of suffering, she confessed to him that she loves and wants to come to the other end of the country to him and even had saved up money for a ticket. Kola looked at her picture and wrote in despair that he was in the hospital dying, and his relatives refused to help. Angel sent him all her savings and Kola recovered. But then she got a raise and three months later she had again saved up for the ticket. Kola from such unrest and chips with beer rose cholesterol in his blood. He thought that he would not be able to fall into a coma every three months, and it’s time to deside something. The determination was Kola’s major virtue. Only without the password it would be stupid to determine for bank robbery. Then he thought and wrote a letter. There were such bitter words, that "I can not live without her, she poisoned my whole soul with love" - and sent the letter to Angel as if by mistake. She was terribly upset by this letter, and asked what she had poisoned? Kola told her that his dad would never let him get married, and that he had in the whole world no one but her, and that she did not believe him but he is telling the truth. Angel says:

- Of course I do, why do you say that I disbelieve you?
- Well, how do you believe me? I told you, my dad will never allow us to get married, and you're still going to come. You want my death, because without you I can not live too. I need a lot of money to love you forever. And if there’s not a lot, cannot forever. And if you tell me the password, then we rob the bank, I will get well and we go on a honeymoon trip around the world to Cyprus.

And he held his breath. Angel’s doorbell rang and she went to open to her friend, then quickly dressed and pulled her friend out to the store. So she did not see what was written on the monitor. Kola sat so long with parted lips, with bated breath, that he had everything in his mouth went dry. He got up and went to the refrigerator and began to rummage in it without taking his eyes off the screen. Then he took his eyes off and saw that the refrigerator is empty. It turns out that the refrigerator run out of beer. And he went to the store. So they met for the first time. Kola stood in the queue with a case of beer in his hand and two packs of crisps. He was sullen and not particularly sheared. Angel could not recognize him by photo, because she only saw his friend. Kolya recognized her, although not immediately. A friend whispered to Angel:
- Anny, look what a man! You can’t dream princes forever!

And Anny looked at Kola. She had changed a lot for this year. Her face was haggard, and it delineated cheekbones. Eyes gained expression. They were sad and that way were decorated. And Angel’s lips were no longer pursed thin, but soft and puffy from tears as she cried much on her impossible love. She whispered to her friend:
- What are you doing? He's looking at us!
And a couple more times she furtively looked at Kola.

At home Kola dropped a box of beer on the floor in the hallway and several times struck his head against the wall. It did not help. His head had formed a complete mess.

 Kola did not take off his coat and went to the store to buy vodka. He bought two bottles at once, but it was not enough. His head did not think better, and at some point just fell asleep. The body came to the computer and wrote: “Anny, I am an idiot. Only such a nerd like me, could doubt about you. I lied to you all from the very beginning. I don’t deserve you. Come marry me, please!!! I so want...”
It attached Kola’s photo and send the letter to Angel. The head did not know about that. In the morning the head found a letter from Angel in the mailbox: "I have always loved you and will love you." His head ached and pondered tight. It got a thought that Angel says goodbye. Kola got sick from self-loathing. He washed his face, but did not sober. He went to the beer. Thinking about the beer was disgusting, but he had to force himself by concentrating his will in a fist.

And now, looking at himself in the mirror sober, contradictions began to tear Kola. His sight told him about the hair salon. His smelling - about shower. His hearing caught every rustle. A sixth sense was eager to shop. It turned out to be stronger. When Kola came back with his hair cut and an armful of normal food - a new letter already awaited him with Angel’s repentance that she had written too much about love. Kola put the food aside and rattled off his address on the keyboard. He was carried to an unknown destination, and he started cleaning. When Anny rang his doorbell, the house looked hearly decent. He started to get up and sit down, go into the kitchen and come back, bring food and all sorts of stuff. Then he broke down and drove again to the store for an armful of flowers. Anya sat unconscious and looked at everything, pale as a statue. She began to blush only from Chardonnay and by the night flushed and began to answer the questions of her novel readers. Kola did not know what else to say. And he began to blush and pale, but calmed yourself with a glass or two of vodka. And a couple more before his head finally calmed down. Then he lashed out at Angel and began to do all those bad things about which he read in the novel about the prince. So the dreams she cherished come true.

The next morning Kola regained consciousness with the remnants of conscience. Conscience told him that if she spends the night in your apartment, it is not quite decent. Most likely, she would agree to marry you. Anny did, indeed. With the only condition not to rob the Federal Bank, but some other. Or in a contrast, he can work in a bank as a Protection programmer. A robber and rapist rolled into one - make a rapacity. So Kola was forced to put an end to his hacking activities.