chapter 6

“Without coming to know fate, it is impossible to become a worthy man. Without coming to know what one is due to know, it is impossible to gain a buttress in life. Without knowing the force of words, it is impossible to know men.”
—Confucius

  The children missed their mother and their faces were no longer playful and smiling. The Emperor understood that he urgently needed to show them his love. The first thing he did was to arrange games with the dog for the boys. He ordered the servants to prepare a gourmet lunch for the dog and a feast for his sons.

  The next day, they built a toy castle out of balloons. The boys frolicked, running across a meadow, giving out orders to the servants in attendance and looking at their father with eyes full of gratitude while he sat in a large, soft armchair in the middle of the meadow and feasted his eyes on the holiday.
“Father,” said the older son, running up to him, “Why are you sad? Do you miss mom? But she’ll be back soon, you said so yourself!”

“Dad, dad,” said the younger son, running up to them, “Come with us. We’re going to send a hot-air balloon up into the sky now with a note for mom written on it by Tommy. Do you want to write something to her too?”

  The Emperor’s heart shrunk. Yes, there was something he would like to write to Elizabeth. His Elizabeth… At first she seemed gentle and complaisant, but when troubles came their way, she behaved austerely, wisely, and even belligerently, like an Amazon. Although it was difficult for her, she always solved problems quickly and precisely. And as soon as the affliction subsided, she always turned into a caring, tender wife again. Antonio had always valued his Empress for that. God, could it really be that he still loves her? Why does his heart ache so much when she isn’t by his side? And when Lara Ju is? What is the source of this melancholy longing?

  Antonio got up from the armchair, kissed his sons, excused himself with a headache and retreated to his bedroom. He lay on the bed in his clothes and looked around at the empty walls. They used to be adorned with Elizabeth’s portraits, which had since evaporated from the room like ether. She had seemed so effulgent, light and insightful, but she turned out much more complex than the Emperor had suspected. An enigma! A female charade!

  Reminiscing about their life together, Antonio began to see his wife from a new perspective. How could he have failed to decipher her? How could he have abandoned her, like one of his countless lover-dolls? After all, she had gone through life together with him hand in hand, always supporting him when he was down, washing the dirt off, drying his tears, and sharing his joys and victories. She had never once betrayed him or let him down… And how long has it been since he has bestowed affection upon her? He denied her of love, buying her off with expensive gifts. But rags and gold weren’t what she needed…   

  The Emperor got up, walked into his cabinet, opened a folder containing clean pieces of paper, dipped a quill into an ink bottle, and then immediately threw it aside. No! Never! Not for anything in the world! He will never give Lara up!

  Antonio squeezed his head with his hands, let out a groan, tore up the piece of paper, crumpled it up and threw it forcefully onto the floor. He will find a way out of this. He will find an alternative. He will preserve his tender, throbbing love with Lara and bring back the profound love with Elizabeth. Yes, he can give her love beyond sex, beyond moral notions, beyond the limits of the galaxy! He will get to know all there is about Elizabeth and will love her not as a woman, but as his own daughter. How absurd! A beautiful young woman, the mother of his children, and to treat her as his daughter? He’ll become the laughing stock of the whole world!   
 
  Antonio returned to the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed again. Lara is different. She refuses to accept amenities, but gladly uses them. She is wise and knows that the longer she keeps Antonio under her thumb, the more benefits he will grant her. Lara magnanimously refuses to accept the castle overlooking a lake, with the excuse that her faithful husband wouldn’t survive it and that her children would never forgive her. They don’t need a castle. They are madly in love with their father—a violin player and an instructor at the top music academy, and since recently, the academy director—a position granted to him by the Emperor’s order. His allowance and Lara’s allowance as a tutoress are more than enough for an affluent lifestyle. Lara has no need for regalia and carriages—she has different values. The greatest luxury to her are her children and the remainder of her life, which she wishes to spend in a sound, decent home with her servants, husband and children. 

“Oh Lara, Lara… But your heart has also been pierced by a spark of love and passion for me! This is why you have agreed to be with me, and why you enjoy our rendezvous. How long will this last? How much longer will God allow this to go on?”

“All passions are transient, my dear. We can give ourselves to each other, but we should not leave our families. Take mercy upon those close to you and allow me to remain merciful to those close to me. Antonio, I know that passion can push you to anything, so if something happens to my husband, I will know that you are responsible for it and will hate you for the rest of my life!”

   The Emperor often locked himself up in his suite and ordered everyone to leave him alone. The children quickly grew disillusioned in their father’s affection and took to spending time with their nurse-maid again. Only the dog remained by the Emperor’s side—the only creature capable of forgiving anything.

    The anguish pushed Antonio to start drinking. Wine stupefied him, dictating new thoughts: the castle that Lara refused to accept was to become a gift for the Empress. Maybe then she would forgive him. Antonio remembered that Elizabeth’s sacred dream was to have a country house on the shore of a crystal-clear lake. As soon as Antonio finds his wife, he will order the riders to seize her, tie her up and bring her to the new castle. There, he will untie her eyes and hands. She’ll have a fainting spell upon seeing the splendor of the castle overlooking the lake, and will forgive him for everything. The castle’s construction was nearly finished. All that was left was to select the interior.   

  The Emperor saddled his stallion and rushed to the castle. Once there, he put everyone to work and gave out new orders: reconstruct the huge cabinet to turn it into an art gallery! The window of this hall overlooked the hallowed Crystal Lake, where even the King was forbidden to bathe. It served only as a breath-taking piece of scenery and a reservoir providing water for birds.   

“I wouldn’t deprive Elizabeth of the pleasure of decorating the castle herself,” thought Antonio. “She has exquisite taste and will be glad to do it. Besides, this activity will heal her pain faster.” The Emperor knew that Elizabeth adored golden-beige and white color schemes, and sometimes liked to add scarlet and terracotta tones for succulence. But it would be up to her to decide what her new castle would look like.   

  Standing at the center of the future art studio, Antonio closed his eyes and envisioned Elizabeth in a stunning silk dress, the color of a lake under the sun. Smiling a healthy, fresh smile, she was setting white orchids into enormous transparent vases… The Emperor felt a pinch in his heart again.