Who are they real men?

I am at that age when I need to have someone closer than friends, someone, who will spend Friday evenings with me, walking under the moon and waiting for falling stars – yes, I need a boyfriend. That’s what society tells us, young and beautiful nineteen years old girls, who just started learning about adult life. Obviously, we need a man for that. I want, to be honest: I was practicing my flirting skills for years in Russia, but are they going to work here? Are American men the same as Russian men? According to my personal experience – no, they are totally opposite.

Friendship. When we first time actually communicating with the opposite sex in kindergarten. This is also a place where we meet our best friends who are going to be with us for the rest of our lives. This is true for both cultures – Russian and American. After that, we go to Elementary school. In Russia boys and girls usually become even closer friends, because our classes are small, maximum 25 people, and we know that we probably will spend all 11 years of school together. In America, you probably will be in different classes from the beginning, or lose your previous friendship because there are too many new kids.
 
In middle school and high school, it is harder to have a friend of the opposite sex because we are in that age where we want to fall in love, be popular, and have only cool people around you. A lot of my American friends told me that it was very hard to find someone interesting and at the same time honest and open among kids of the opposite sex. In high school girls need only friends who can go shopping with them or talk about boys, first kiss, and love. Boys, most of them, look for someone who plays video games all the time, or play sports, or have others common interests. In Russia it is a little bit different: interests are still the same, but there is one important condition for high school students – you are more popular if you have more friends of opposite sex than if you spend all your time with only girls or only boys. That’s why I had more guys-friends than girls. They have never tried to become more than friends with me, they were very supportive and I enjoyed spending time with them.

So to sum up, I can highlight that even if in kindergarten American and Russian boys want to have girls among their friends, in middle school and especially high school their priority change: Russian guys still want to have friends of the opposite sex, while Americans are looking for something different as popularity, romantic relationships, common interests.

Pickup lines.  Before I moved here, I’d spent one semester in a Russian university. It gave me a perfect experience with guys who knew what they wanted and how they could get it. Most of them by the age of 20-21 have already known how to talk to women and how you are as a man, supposed to act in society. Almost every guy I met was one of my friend’s friends. It is very important because in Russia it is even impolite and a little bit creepy at some point to talk to a woman (18-28 years old) if you don’t have mutual friends. You always get a better first impression if you are introduced by someone, instead of asking for a number online or in a public place (of course, there are exceptions). And of course, in Russia, a man will never use pickup lines, especially if they found them online. That all is easy to explain: in big cities we have a lot of immigrants, who have different traditions and rules about their women and their behavior with them. Every time they see a beautiful Russian woman they say something inappropriate, ask for her number or use their standard pickup line: “Does your mother need a son-in-law?”  That phrase also means that they are looking for someone who can give them a citizenship. That’s why all pickup lines are cheaply and inappropriate in Russia and guys prefer to ignore them.
 
In America, it is completely different. I swear on my life, I have never heard so many stupid, cheap and offensive pickup lines. Guys in the U.S. are more open, flirtatious and easy-going. It is totally okay for them to ask a girl out, even if the just met each other or if the found each other online. Almost every guy here has a pickup line which he uses every time he finds a girl attractive. I asked my friend Nic if he has something like that, and he said: “Of course I do! For example - Are your eyes a maze? Because I can only see myself getting lost in them”. I was laughing so hard, so I decided to ask a few more people about their favorite lines, and that’s what I got:
Colin: “Didn’t we have a class together? Because I swear you and I had chemistry”.
Caleb: “9 out of 10 times this pickup line doesn’t work. Wanna be the one?”
Eliel: “If you were a booger, I would pick you first”.
Danny: “Did it hurt, when u fell from heaven?”

 I was surprised how many different stupid phrases my friends use to attract girls. The only question I had was why is it working. Really, why? Is it only in this country or in Europe too? At the same time, I like that American boys are so straight forward in dating questions because Russians will never ask you out without talking to you for a little bit first.

Adults.  Russian guys become men earlier because in our culture it is a common thing to get married when you 19-23 for females and 22-28 for males. So most of the people have their first kid by the age of 23. Russian men are more mature and responsible. It is not a common thing to live with roommates, especially when you have graduated from a university. They prefer to rent on their own, with a girlfriend or buy an apartment by taking a loan. Here it is completely opposite, which honestly shocked me. I used to date a guy who was 28 years old and who could buy a house/apartment on his own, but he preferred to live with a roommate, because “it is more fun like that”. All American men who I met so far were very picky about their food: no left overs on the next day, they had to try all types of ice cream before they bought one or they would buy meat only in one particular store just because they like the package…

On the other hand, Russian men will trust you with food because they are very old-fashion and traditional: women should be in the kitchen and men should bring money home. They don’t try to teach you how to cook and you don’t try to earn more than your man. Of course, sometimes it doesn’t work, some Russian men won’t feel good about that, but it happens.

Another thing which surprises me was men’s behavior in society. I’m not talking about burping in public places or not wearing appropriate clothes, but the way they treat women. I don’t know whose fault it is but I believe it is impolite that men don’t open a door for women, don’t help them to carry heavy bags and the never give up his seat on public transport. I am 5’2 and I am not that strong. One day I was carrying a few boxes, so while I was walking on campus no one (even adults who could) asked me if I need a help. I was so mad and disappointed that I was ready to tell them everything I thought about them. Russian men would never act like that because they know they will be judged by society. It is an easy thing to do – help a woman to carry her stuff even if it is not that heavy. That’s why I ask all my friends here to open doors, be polite and help girls around them.

The last big difference I noticed is that when Russian men become older they prefer to spend time at home with their wives or their men-friends. On the other hand, Americans prefer to make friends in pairs or families. In Russia by the age of 45-50 you just don’t have time to go out with friends. You can meet with them once a year, but that’s it. It doesn’t matter if you are male or female.

To sum it up, I strongly believe that men in different countries have to be different, like Russian and American males, because opposites attract. Americans are more open, straight-forward and use everything they can to attract a woman while Russians prefer to be traditional and very old-fashioned. They won’t attack you with all their attention, and that’s why it can take a while to get an invitation on a date from them. Maybe they use different techniques, but they have the same goals and eventually (I hope) will get what they want, because it doesn’t matter how you get to your destination, it is important what you learn during your journey.