An excerpt from the novel Aries in the way

    Having determined for robbery Eugene did not weigh all pros and cons. He was simply getting ready emotionally for this act. Despite those scanty offences before, it was absolutely different – only the border-line to cross without any possibility to return. But that night he was thinking about something other. He was obsessed by the dream, light future which couldn’t be true without the act he was determined to. And if Eugene were called, hooked with one’s shoulder breaking his thinking, he could have lost his dream. But the invisible hand which so smoothly switched off  the light everywhere around for his sake, made it otherwise. Nothing diverted Eugene’s attention, and soon he did the first step on his way to happiness.
    How can a person commit an evil deed for the sake of future happiness? The succession of acts was contradictory. Human brain did not work, something pushed him, made him to commit that ugly step…
    But what for? Mostly, to make the first step, then the second one… till a person falls into gulf where he disappears without a trace. At the same time there exists another way – the way of repentance… but it is difficult – to carry weight on one’s back, which his conscience always reminds of.
    Of course, there was also Jesus Christ always ready to bear your sin,…  but this question was not clear for Eugene who was already decisively crossing the street. He was determined, and had no doubt that he would go to the end, and take something which did not belong to him like his own. In his actions there was no fear. As he was buying a morning newspaper. Eugene was approaching the Jeweller’s. His thoughts were light, and he knew for sure every his following step. His thoughts about possible consequences were left behind.
    So he bent his arm, and just moving forward broke the window, then kicked the splinters out and penetrated inside. He did not turn back cautiously without fear to be caught. It was dark in the shop, and there was a smell of perfume essences. Jewelries were kept in special counters covered with glass.
    Eugene could easily fill his pockets, but instead he came up to one counter, bent down, and extracted a case familiar to him – something flashed out in his heart and then went down. He turned back and came up to the window.
    Before leaving the shop Eugene looked up into the sky. Full moon, yellowish moon was taking a sun-bath, and returning the light back to the Earth. Eugene stood stock-still at the window with stolen case in hands not worrying that somebody could notice him.
    There was something demonic in it. In such moments feelings sharpen, one finds himself just at the edge, ready to fall down and be killed, but it is a real excitement! To stand at the edge of a sky-scraper’s roof, to raise arms up, and to move a little forward… to make love in a place where one could be seen by anybody… There is always excessive sweetness in a shameful… And if one tried it any time, thinking about it with no confusion, he always wants to repeat…
    There is meanness hidden in everybody, vile wish to be found in dirt, to fall to the very bottom, to grow corrupted… and all that for the sake of tasting unforgettable feeling of worthlessness, self-humiliation.

P.S.
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