Taxi Rider s Diary. Story 4

                Solar boy

         A small family was consisting of a husband, a wife, and a daughter. They lived in a small city, so similar to all other small cities and they could’ve been happy if there hadn’t been that one sad circumstance. The husband, Volodya, sincerely believed his family needed a son who could become the helper and his friend in the future, then life would become joyful and cheerful. Whom is still possible to discuss hockey and football games with, whom to take for fishing or hunting, whom to talk like a real man to and who to bring up as the successor of a family life? Especially since Volodya’s years were stacking up against him and his wife, Luda, whose age was her downfall; preventing her from carrying another child.

Volodya had lost hope in having his son, gazing at other young boys with melancholy etched into his features. He thought, with silent envy, that they have fathers somewhere and yet he could never become one. All his friends had sons, and it only aggravated Volodya's grief; one of them even advised that he adopt some poor boy from an orphanage. Many parentless children dream about being adopted and long for the atmosphere of family life that they had forgotten or had never even known. They wanted to love and be loved. However, Volodya had rejected this thought in the beginning as unreal and ludicrous; he wanted the child to be his ‘own’! But…gradually he had come to understand that, unfortunately, there was the only one path on this road. Besides, he would have done a good deed with taking in a lonely child; he could even have help and support when he got older. The son wouldn't be native, but there is nothing wrong with that.

In our lives, anything could happen. Many people in similar situations had done the same after all. So, day after day, Volodya became more and more accustomed to the idea of adoption, much to his wife’s chagrin. She didn’t want to take somebody else's boy into her house, yet her beloved’s excitement and readiness had become infectious, and soon, the idea didn’t feel so far off. In her heart, she felt a thorn of guilt – feeling as though her inability to bear another child was the reasoning for this choice but chose to force the saddening notion away from the psyche.

Luda finally wanted to take part in looking for a new member of their family and Volodya was ecstatic. In the upcoming weeks, they found an orphanage located in the deeper parts of the city, where a large park had started to devolve into a massive, thick forest – the building itself, however, was surrounded by a larger structure, similar to a sanitarium. A beautiful, yet defunct fountain stood by the main entrance, and partially demolished statues paved a path towards two small and abandoned sports grounds where, despite its current status, boys played ball and girls played their little games. They were watched by an old woman, presumably the nanny as she sat on a bench, knitting away idly. She smiled as she saw the wandering parents, welcoming them inside. The children stopped playing and glanced at the two with curiosity; perhaps they had wondered who was going to disappear that day – taken away from this place to live a ‘normal life’ that they had waited for so long.

Meanwhile, The Nanny had guided the couple to the Administrator’s Office and asked to wait. When she had left, several curious and brave little kids had come through and surrounded them, some smiled, and some were so nervous, scared of the future that might come until suddenly! A youth had jumped forward, speaking up for the crowd.
         
“Who are you going to pick Sir? Are you looking for a girl…or a boy?”

They asked shyly before running back in a hurry. Before Volodya could even answer, a young girl had come forward and grabbed his wife by her hand, staring with innocent young eyes.    

“My name is Natasha. Take me, please! I swear I’ll be good!”
         
Luda looked at her with a slight shock, before her expression softened and she began to converse with Natasha. As she did, Volodya had taken it upon himself to talk to the other children, striking up little conversations as to observe them and their actions. The others watched on from many open doors, heads peeking in to see who was going to be next in line. It was evident that none of them were spoiled, and that the people coming here in the hope of adopting someone were a rare occurrence. Abruptly, a boy had run in briskly, loud and brash as he shouted - 

“The thunder rattles, the earth shivers, Vera Pavlovna; She approaches!”
         
Children gave way to the overweight middle age woman with folders in hands; a stern face was what she wore upon her visage.
         
 “Pleasure to meet you both, my name is Vera Pavlovna. I do hope the little ones didn’t bother or torture you too much! Come in, come in-“

She smiled, opening the doors to her office and inviting prospective parents to enter. After a long conversation and an explanation of the adoption process, Vera Pavlovna has asked Volodya and his wife to come with her into a big hall and for that moment, left them there to ponder. Within half an hour, she returned with a group of four-seven years old boys who obediently gathered together according to their heights. It was evident that this was something they had done many times before. The kids perfectly understood that perhaps this was the most anxious and important moment of their lives, so they had attempted to look their best.

“Here … ask them anything…and make your choice, yes?”

Vera Pavlovna waved her hand towards the children, eyes moving between the crowd as she awaited their decision.

Volodya imagined this moment many times, a hand wiping cold sweat off his forehead and swallowed thickly. He could not take the first step for his stomach felt…sick and his mind an utter mess; then Luda had approached the boys with quiet and careful steps, attentively peering at their stiffened faces and begun to ask playful questions as to ease them. However, she saw her husband’s nervous face, his expression a bit pitiful as she addressed him.         

“Volodya!  You wanted this – “
“ It isn't necessary to rush him – “

Vera Pavlovna had interfered.

“The man worries, it is clear … He will approach them when he is ready. We have time after all! The children know that it never happens quickly… you have to think and make the decision. The boys have gathered here just for that-”
“Not all of us!”

A voice yelled out the crowded–

“The Solar Boy didn’t!”

Vera Pavlovna shuddered at the name, snapping back at the child.

 “Nobody asked you!”
 “Who is the solar boy?”

 Luda inquired, her voice filled with confusion, but Vera Pavlovna avoided her question and instead gave her a gentle smile as she spoke again, attempting to redirect her attention.

“Don’t pay attention to that-“

Volodya, at last, decided to approach children and cheerfully asked:

“Who loves fishing?”
 “All of us!”

All the boys raised their hands, answering the man excitedly.

“And the Solar boy does not love fishing!”

The same voice cried out again.

“That’s enough of you! You’ll sit with him if you don’t stop your nonsense! Who is making you talk?”

Vera Pavlovna cried, stepping up to some little boy who had hidden behind the backs of the other children.         

“Who is that boy…?”
Volodya asked, stepping in between the little boy and the woman trying to seize him by the hand. Though he dexterously evaded and escaped, having managed to call out while running away-         

“I will not sit with him; he’s crazy!”
“Don’t pay any mind to that…You’ll now see just what I have to deal with…”

She seemed anxious, brows furrowed for a moment.

“Let's come into my office; I will explain everything to you.”
         
 Vera Pavlovna then walked back to her office and led the parents back inside, yet withheld her information on the so-called ‘Solar Boy.'
She told only that he had some strange fantasies and weird imaginations as for it was what he was nicknamed for.

“Besides, he has some rather intense psychological issues…You wouldn’t want him.”

The headmistress had no issue with casting out this child, her morality as gray as a cloudy day.         

“But is it possible to take a look at him at least?”

 Volodya asked.

“Is it clear to you that the child has problems?”

Luda tried to stop him, but he insisted on meeting with this strange boy, to look at him with his own eyes. Had he to special right? Why else would he be so avoided? Vera Pavlovna took a deep breath and let out an exasperated sigh.

“Well, if you really want to…”

She led them through numerous corridors to the large spacious room that served as a bedroom. Pure iron beds were neatly made, perfect for a particular type of coziness that seemed so familiar to Volodya; as a former soldier he couldn’t help but mention that-         

“Just like in the army…I would never think that children – “
“Yes, discipline is strictly enforced, it is just impossible otherwise.”

Vera Pavlovna nodded as she explained before pointing to two children reading, the six-year-old boy and an older girl who at the time was narrating the book out loud. When she saw guests, she put a book on her lap and asked with a whine.
         
“Ms. Vera Pavlovna! How long do I have to sit with him? Can I go yet?”
“Sit Yulia! Just a little longer, alright?”

Vera Pavlovna answered as irritation was heavy in her tone and moved her glare over to the boy.
         
“Well? Aren’t you going to greet our guests?
“ Hello…”

He spoke in a monotone voice, his appearance called for a feeling of pity. He was small, thin, with big sad eyes, a real deer in headlights. He seemed to be stuck in some strange state of catalepsy, and his face was covered with an icy mask of indifference and hopelessness. Having left in his own world, he did not notice what occurred around him, and, probably, didn't even wish it. Volodya tried to ask him something, but, having looked at the wife, had stopped short as she as she shook her head in malcontent. Vera Pavlovna immediately pushed the parents to return to her office. There she began to speak quickly, sternly.         

“I warned you, this child was not…someone you would want. He’s beyond traumatized! If only you know how much trouble he causes us…”         
“Why don’t you let him play with other children. It could help him heal, make him feel more alive! Less lonely too.  I had the impression that this girl, Yulia, who sat with him, was doing it as if it was some her duty…”

Luda has asked and added on.

“Was this boy always like this?  What…happened to him?
“All that you’ve said was true…”

Vera Pavlovna said, filling a glass with water and took a few sips, thoughtfully looking in a glass as if she noticed something, the reflection of solar patches of light that radiated from the water.  She continued of course. 

“Here, imagine this. It is necessary to punish children thus, forcing them to look after the Solar boy. He can’t play regular games. He used to flirt with death, trying to escape several times already. Suicide was merely a game to the child…he had no desire to keep living. He was quiet at night, and now … It’s necessary to tie him to bed for the night. He sleeps with a belt on his leg; it was even made specially so that he couldn't get rid of it. We feel for him! We grieve for him… I am responsible for him, and that is the real punishment!”

Vera Pavlovna poured more water into her glass, looking at Volodya and his wife, who listened to her with interest and had grievously shaken her head.

“He was silent before and didn’t cause quite such a fuss. There were no problems with him until about half a year ago…then…it happened. Is this really that interesting to you?”          “Yes, yes! Please…continue, Ms. Vera Pavlovna!”

Volodya with Luda had nodded eagerly, anxiousness bubbling in their guts.

“Well, well, I will tell you then. I took him to all the doctors, even to psychiatrists, and they couldn’t do a thing with him! They only say that the child has this imagination. That he is healthy and it will go away with age. A good imagination... He wants to jump in the sun; his mother waits for him there, and other solar people as well.”

She pointed her hand to the sun, brightly shining in a window as if calling for witnesses.

“He is convinced that there is life, but only those who had already died can live amongst them, just like his mother. And nobody knows where his father is... he seeks to commit suicide.  He is small but very persistent; he has lost interest in everything. He only goes on that the sun is better than here and it is impossible to convince him otherwise. Doctors approve that this is a shock after his traumatic experience. He had survived being electrocuted. Electricians somehow changed wires, and he was around. Nobody knows how he had grabbed the bare wire, and gotten an electric shock. He was in the hospital for a couple of days… after that, he had totally changed. He began to say that he was in the Sun, saw his mother, other people, and there…it was so good what he wants to return to this little mystical place. We thought he’d be happy that he survived…, but on the contrary, he wishes to die again. Everything is so strange. Even psychiatrists can't explain it! They used some unclear terms and said that everything would go away, and what should I do…? It’s unknown what this Solar boy is for... Why did it happen to me? I didn’t do anything wrong! And now…who will take in this child?”

“Anything can happen in our life.”

Luda sympathized with her, getting up.

“Sorry, we should probably take our leave for now. We’ll come back and make our choice next time.”      
“Yes, yes, of course …”

Vera Pavlovna began to fuss, seeing them off.

          Several weeks had passed. Volodya's wife persuaded him to take the boy who was pleasant to her or, at least, to visit another orphanage, but he couldn’t decide what to do. Memories of the Solar boy haunted him, a simple human pity mixed with feelings of curiosity to the person who went through something so unknown and mysterious. Volodya had heard of this before, but he had never faced individuals who experienced something like this. All people fear death, except the most religious and those for whom it would be an escape from their torment. Though with these thoughts – it’s simply the interest of what happens after death, as these people believe there is surely something after the darkness, right? The Solar boy was still incapable of comprehending such a thought, but without a doubt, everything that happened to him was enough to leave a mark on his inexperienced soul. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have changed him. It didn’t even matter if there was something after it all or if it’d hurt, but it was the vision of his mother -  till something bright and memorable, was engraved in his memories and became stronger in his consciousness, having replaced reality with the world of illusions in which he lives. With that and the longing of a parent’s love and gentle caress, he wanted to die or rather, return to something familiar. Perhaps, nobody knew how to bring him back to this world, and any attempts seemed to have worsened his condition; as a result, he turned into an object of irritation and sneers.

Volodya wanted to discuss with his wife that they could help this boy but was met with criticism. She didn't want anything to do with it, claiming that it's not their problem, and tried to convince her husband to forget about it. She was frightened by a thought that he would adopt the Solar Boy.

“If you take him in…I’ll leave, Volodya! I’ll take our daughter and leave this place! I’m not going to look after him! You take care of him, but who is going to care for us?”

She told Volodya, her voice quivering in fear and uncertainty. He tried to convince Luda that he wasn’t going to adopt Solar boy but only looked for opportunities to help him. Finally, he figured out a plan to do this but needed a private conversation with the kid to succeed in it. He has declared that he was going to the orphanage again but without his wife.

“I will talk to him … man to man.”
 
Luda laughed and replied, mocking her husband.

Even psychiatrists couldn't help him, you heard it! This is none of your business; you will never convince him…after all he is just a child.”
“Doctors haven't found the key to approaching him, and it seems to me, I know where the key to understanding lies…”

Volodya had insisted on that and went to orphanage once more.

When he arrived, Vera Pavlovna didn't appear and instead he was met with her manage, who was surprised with his request to leave him alone with Solar boy to talk privately. She did not object, especially since she had heard a lot about his last visit with his wife. But, having agreed to bring the child, she confusedly asked for permission to lock the office to make sure everything would be alright. Afterward, she had left the Solar boy together with Volodya, the key turned two times with an audible click and warned that they had a one hour limit.

When they stopped hearing her steps, Volodya had told the boy, who now stood there with a puzzled look.         

“You recognize me right? The old man?”

Volodya smiled, offering him to sit beside him.

“I did.”

The Solar boy nodded.

“You were here with a beautiful woman recently…”
“ Correct.”

Volodya agreed,

“And what was your name? I don’t think I was ever told what it was.”
“Alyosha.”
“Alyosha…What a good name and my name is Volodya, just Volodya. Give me your hand.”

Alyosha gave him his thin hand; it looks so delicate and fragile compared to the older male’s.

“You came to adopt me?”
“And do you really want to be adopted?”

 Volodya answered him with his own question, his fingers grazing upon the bony ones that Alyosha possessed.

“I don't know…”

 Alyosha shrugged his shoulders; his expression was now apathetic.

“Nobody needs me.”
“Well, if you think so, then really nobody would choose you, but I have not come to adopt you…”         
“And what then for?”

The little one asked.

“To say hello to you from the solar people and your mother-”

Volodya admitted, he gave him a serious look that lingered, a sort I've confidence in his little lie. Alyosha eyes widened in surprise as he ran to the other side of the room, shaking his head at the man’s claim.

“Yes. Now sit down.”

Volodya patted the chair again.

“What are you frightened of? Did you think you were the only one in the World who knew about Solar people? Oh how wrong you are, there are plenty of us who know about it.”         
“How can it be?”

 Alyosha muttered, without leaving the corner of the room,

“And that woman you came here with, did she know about it too?
“No, because it only happened to people who have died before…and have returned to the living world! She never had such an experience before.”
“The truth.”

The boy nodded, accepting his words.

“Some people not only remember what happened to them, but also they talk to Solar people like me, for example, and how about you?”
“No, no, I have never spoken to them in my dreams,… or perhaps I, I don't remember …”
“Means you were there for just a short time, well tell me generally how it happened to you, and then I tell you my story, OK? – and sit down, please!”
“Well…”

Alyosha agreed, obediently taking a seat.

“I don't remember how it hit me, I remember only that I was thrown aside, and I saw: some boy lying on the floor in my clothes, and people run around, and it became somehow so comfortable, and suddenly I felt, I could fly somewhere. Tt was dark at first. I was frightened, but suddenly I saw a bright light-I was in the sun, only it can be so big and clear! I was cheerful for some reason, wished to laugh, and I flew... and I arrived directly on the Sun! And it did not burn at all, only some sparks flying by me, and I saw: the forest in the distance, a lot of animals, but not so scary, and people in multi-colored clothes, and everything sparkled. Suddenly I noticed my mother…she approached me, so young and beautiful, better than she was alive, she embraced me, but I felt only heat, and I heard how she spoke…’I am glad to see you, Aleshenka, but it is not your time yet, go back and be happy.’ And she moved away from me. I wanted to run up to her. ‘Mother, mother, where are you?’ – but I could not. I did not feel my legs, but only I felt that I fly once more somewhere, again sparks flashed, and such a heavy weight leaned on me as though I have struck with something, and my head began to hurt. When I opened my eyes, I realized that I was in the hospital. That was all I could remember. “

 Alyosha became silent, and Volodya listened to his story attentively before approaching him, resting his hand upon the boy’s back.

“And so, you wanted to go back?”
“Yes, I did!”

Alyosha almost cried.

“It is good there; my mother is there!”
“And what else have you seen there?”

 Volodya asked looking at Solar boy. Alyosha shrunk back, fiddling with the fabric of his shirt.

“I don't know; I don't remember …”
“I don't know; I don't remember.”

Volodya copied him.
“You were good, and here I was bad, so you know that happened to me?”
“…What?”

Alyosha looked at him; he didn’t understand a single thing.

“Well take a listen, I was a little older than you, disobedient, and once I quarreled with my parents. They wanted me to be happy, but I did not understand it then, so I got offended. I decided I wanted revenge and didn't think up anything else but to drown myself. I was pulled out, of course, and saved but I almost died, like you! I remember everything. I saw solar people, and I was delighted at first, it is so beautiful there! But then I departed further, and there was a dark, damp and cold feeling, and people were not solar, but dark. They told me that I was lucky that I was there just for a while. It appears that there are dark stains in the Sun, did you hear about that?”
“Yes, I heard.”

Alyosha got down from the chair again and went to the corner of the room. 

“Well, and so, bad people go there, and you will get there if you kill yourself …”
“No…No! I never did anything bad! I would be with the Solar people! I would be with my mother again!”

Alyosha has cried in horror.
         
Volodya grinned, his smile was ominous and eerie.

“Only bad people want to die; the good ones want to live. And you torment your teacher, don't you? And what about all other children who are forced to watch you? Do you think, it is pleasant for them?! And nannies… They could lose their job because of you, and they have to support their families … And what about the director of the orphanage? She could go to prison. Is it good?”
“I don't know, I never thought about it.”

Alyosha had begun to cry.

“I am not bad!”
“Well, why do you cry, are you a man or not? “

Volodya walked over to him and had put hands on his shoulders, firmly as he spoke once more.
“Calm down and listen. Solar people have appeared unexpectedly in my dream and ordered to tell you that you should do no harm to yourself, they wanted you to behave! Your mother also wanted you to live. Do you understand me? You must live! Do you know what life is about? Have you ever gone fishing? No? And you wanted to die?! And have you ever eaten a fish soup in a tent? Have you seen a sunrise? And sunset? If you are going to be a good guy, I will take you with me, and you will see everything. You can not even imagine how exciting this world is! Do you really wish to get into the dark hole? Well, look at me, you want it or not?!”

Alyosha looked at Volodya with the eyes swelled up from tears and blow his nose

“No…”
“This is already our way of thinking, a real man's way.”

Volodya’s smiled changed, it was warm once more.

“Now I see that you are a real man, your mother would be proud of you, and you proved that you are not worse than others! Play, run, study, and don't talk about the Solar people to anybody. People are silly; they know nothing about it! Only you know, I never told anybody, but you…”
“You are right; people are silly, they never trusted me, just laughed…”

 Alyosha started talking rapidly, wiping his tears.

“And I never knew about that dark, ugly stain…”

The lock clicked, and the manager appeared.

“Well, have you had enough time to talk?”
“I will come again.”

Volodya promised.

“Remember everything that I told you…”

He shook the boy’s hand, winking with a knowing grin.

“Come back again, Volodya!”

The Solar boy shouted to him, waving goodbye.

Volodya went home right away. Being under the impression of the conversation, he felt compassion for the troubled boy. He began to sympathize with him, and his heart became warmer from a notion that, it seems, he had done everything correctly to return Alyosha to his former condition of carelessness and his usual childlike nature.
Volodya couldn't imagine his prospective son for a long time before, but after the conversation with the Solar boy, he approached a decision more and more closely. The foggy image had become a real embodiment at last. He had remembered his childhood, the father who was his first friend, the helper and the mentor. He resorted to him to share his boyish offenses. He listened to his stories about life and morals with a sinking heart and with bated breath. His father had come and saved Volodya when he was attacked by a vicious dog, and that sense of relief, tenderness which fell behind the back of his head, remained in his memory forever. And is it possible to forget his warm hands, a kind smile and even a strict look? This is a great happiness when you have parents, from whom you receive care, caress, and love! And now he helps them when they grew old. That is his sacred duty. Who would help and support him when he grows old?

Daughter? Perhaps, but girls are usually closer to their mothers and children nowadays became more nihilistic and indifferent, not like it used to be in the past. Volodya intuitively felt that the invisible internal force is behind the hidden soul of the Solar boy, who was not capable of protecting himself from the evil but responding to the right things and the benevolent. Volodya would manage to cover him from all adversities of life, to help him become a real man, and to make a beautiful swan of an ugly duckling. And what can be better than the pleasure of watching this gradual and surprising transformation?

After one month, Volodya and Luda have decided to visit orphanage once again to make a final choice. The wife has been devoted to all events but did not believe that her husband was capable of changing something in a behavior of this strange boy. She hoped anyway for his common sense: that, despite everything, Volodya won't decide to adopt a child only because of compassion. It was possible just to give a good gift to the boy, but not to adopt him! That would call for not only all problems and sufferings connected with this act but also, the unforeseen consequences. Then it would be already considered a full absurdity! Luda didn't doubt that her husband was a reasonable man. They bought gifts and sweets for the children and, of course, did not forget the Solar boy who met them with a joyful shout as soon as entered the orphanage territory.

“Volodya arrived!”

He ran up to them and stopped without lowering his delighted eyes. Neither Volodya nor Luda expected such a reaction to their emergence. And it was just impossible to recognize the Solar boy!

“Who is this?”

Luda asked with a perplexed voice, looking at the boy who seemed so different than before.

“Don't you recognize him, look a little closer!

Volodya grinned and gave his hand – returning a hello to the child.
“Volodya, let's go! I will show you the airplane I have made. When I grow up, I want to become a pilot!”

Several older boys stopped playing, approaching closer, and one of them, throwing a ball from one hand in another, addressed Volodya.

“Is it true that you promised to take him fishing?”
“Of course, however…”

Volodya had unexpectedly intercepted a ball and threw it back to the hands of the boy.

“I’m an old man; I make sure to keep my promises.”
“And here we thought that he lied again.”

The children began to make a racket as Vera Pavlovna reappeared.

“Hello, good morning, all of us are glad to see you again, especially …”

 She looked at the shining Solar boy and threw up her hands.

“Listen, you really are a Miracle Worker! I have to tell you that after your conversation, after your educational discussion, Alyosha's behavior had completely changed! What have you said to him?”
“ It is our secret!”

Volodya laughed and looked at the Solar Boy with some clever smile. Alyosha whispered back to him, barely audible to the crowd around them.

“I said nothing to nobody, I swear!”
“He endlessly repeats that it was a secret. You would tell me everything about it because with the hooligans torture me to explain what had happened with Solar boy after your last visit.”

Vera Pavlovna muttered, only slightly serious as she invited them to the office.

You can guess what happened farther, but the decision to adopt Solar boy was hard, Volodya had to overcome many family fights, convincing his wife that the decision would be the right one. It wasn’t easy, but eventually, Luda had given her consent and agreed. She understood that there was no one like that Solar boy and had quite the connection with her husband

You can call it banal, but one fine day, two persons, big and small, holding their hands, left the orphanage, and the boy's hand sank in the strong palm of his leader. The little boy, smiling, looked, almost without squinting, at the sun which shone unusually brightly that day, warming them with the caress of its rays and, probably, rejoiced for two such different and such identical people going along the hard, but wonderful road called life. And all the children in orphanage watched them leave, and it seemed to them that those who moved along the Solar footpath were completely dissolved in the light of the Sun, like if they would have been accepted by Solar people.