Manifest

This day could've been the best day in my life, you know. It began with a scarlet sunset, which I managed not to miss this time. I woke up at 5 in the morning only to see the sun rising up. And I saw it. And it was a beautiful illusion.
My illusions have served me for many years. Yet, there were days when they disappointed me a lot. But I was always strong enough to compose myself even after I was broken into pieces. Yeah, that's me. I'm strong. I believe I can handle everything. Any trouble. Any task. Any challenge. I'm not afraid.
I have got, however, only one weakness. People. People that I love. It feels like they have an unlimited access to the deepest caves of my heart, where no one else is allowed. And, important to mention, no one else is welcomed.
Whatever breakdown I have gone through has contributed to my mental growth in some way. There have been situations when I thought I'll never get up from my knees again, I'll live the rest of my life staying down and realizing I'm miserable and completely useless. There have been people trying to tell me what to do, trying to assure me I was someone else, not myself, and belonged to somewhere else. I listened to them. I listen carefully to everyone. But I make my own conclusions, which I never open to others. I make them for myself because I am assured that myself is the only person who actually needs to know them.
I made a promise to myself to be strong, to withstand anything, to be myself and to be with myself all the time. I do my best to keep it every day. Not every day I succeed. But I bet that what I'll say now is true: being strong is not about being confident and winning all the time; it's about having your ups and downs, but struggling to get up every time you fall down.
I owe myself. I owe that person in the past who felt so lonely and so helpless, but gained strength and went ahead to bring me to the present time with everything I have. I might have never been where I am now, if that person I used to be in the past hadn't made a decision to become better. And today, have gone so far, it would be a real shame to give up on my dreams and aims. It would be just unfair to myself in the past.
Once I have read an amazing statement: When life puts you in tough situations, don't say 'Why me?', just say 'Try me'. That is what I do. I say 'Try me' to life. It beats me - I get up. It hurts me - I keep going on. It disappoints me - I don't care. It breaks my illusions - whatever. It exceeds - so do I.
You know why I told I saw an illusion of rising sun in the morning? It was raining, to be honest. I saw the sun rising up and shining inside of me. This is who I am - I see what I want. I see it in me. And every day I decide to be the best day is the best because of a single reason - I called it the best.
So, this is a manifest. I won't give up. I'll go ahead. I'll go there my way. I'll go no matter what.

May 5 2016