The voice of Sable Croft and my desperation

That evening I stayed alone. He would never come anymore. What a malicious man his friend was to say about his wife and seven children. That evening I was crying and listening to the gramophone. It was a lamella of Sable Croft. My dad used to be fallen in love with her voice. Today I felt solidarity with him. Deep and beautiful voice of not very young women and magic music with words penetrated in my blood, heart and soul. It was a French song:

"Je suis seule ce soir 
Avec ma peine 
J'ai perdu l'espoir 
De ton retour 
Et pourtant je t'aime encore 
Et pour toujours 
Ne me laisse pas seul sans ton amour." 1)


I continued listening to the gramophone for a long time. Further the voice of Sable Croft never left me, staying my invisible defense from cruelty, sad thoughts and desperation. I felt, I was not lonely, because I had a weak hope to return my love and to share with him my life.

My love was far from me, but Sable Croft's voice was somewhere nearby. I cried with her voice, laughed and even went to bed with it. What it was I didn't know. But one day I understood - we love our dreams and voices of our close friends, when we suffer, when we are lonely and when we are not very young.

Years passed, Sable Croft continued singing and gave her concerts. Some day I met her, when I visited one. After the concert she found me, and came to me, she was like, as she was waiting for only my presence. She met me as I was her dearest friend. She  confessed to me in her unhappiness, in her emptiness of life in her physical and moral loneliness, which she changed by singing, theatre and interviews, I confessed to her, that became her fan, after my husband left me. I promised to her to be her friend forever, even if we live different lives, even if we don't meet, even I will be with my husband again, I took her autograph into my copybook for recipes, which was with  me for this goal. And we broke up with Sable.

My husband didn't return to me. But now I more seldom listened to this great and unhappy singer with magic voice to fill my emptiness, which stayed to me my husband and his friend with his announce. But Sable Croft and me stayed the best  friends, the friends of our souls. Sometimes, when I open my copybook with recipes, I read the words, which the singer wrote to me. These words are:" Who loves, will be beloved. I believe in this statement. Sable Croft"






1) Tonight I'm alone
   With my distress
   I have lost my hope
   On your returning,
   But my love has stayed yet
   Don't stay me alone without your love. (tr. of author)