The Secret Weapon

- Good morning, Mr. President.
- Good morning. Don’t be shy, come right in. I am not going to bite you …today.
- My secretary told me your secretary called him about some kind of an extremely confidential business you wanted to discuss with me and some of the guys.
- That’s right, but the problem is that the matter is so confidential you can hardly even discuss it. As we used to say in KGB in my day, a secret shared is no longer a secret. So, I managed to bring myself to discuss it, because if we don’t, there is no way we can implement the project.
- You can trust me 100 per cent, Mr. President, I will take the secret with me into the grave.
- My Chechenian friends will make it sure you will. I am joking, you know, but I don’ t trust 100 per cent even myself.
- Well, if you ask me, I think that your Checenian friends are too dangerous to play with. They can come and get you one day just as easily as they got Nemtsov.
- I am not asking you. Joking apart, we all know things are going from bad to worse in the economy and finance, and we don’t seem to have much time to waste. It is crystal clear that we are in deep shit because of the sanctions. There is no way we can outperform the West. If we don’t think up of a very smart trick to neutralize the United States fast enough, we will all have to roll up the tent pretty soon. Your people with the secret services have been dragging their feet, at least I haven’t had any reports from you for a couple of weeks now.
- I am sorry, Your…. errr… Mr. President, it is my fault.
- Well, as to our today’s agenda, it comes down to this: I have always believed that in order to outwit the Americans, we must come up with some really powerful product.
- I thought with the kind of money we are spending on defense we can destroy any enemy on this planet, no matter how strong, many times over.
- For goodness sake, don’t you give me that bullshit again! The trick is to destroy our enemy without doing any harm to ourselves, and, better still, without our enemy even noticing they are being destroyed. Tell Kaspersky I am very pleased with his performance during the latest American presidential campaign. I know that going is getting kind of tough for him there, but we will make it up to him for his lost profit. However, it appears that it takes more than just one idiot as the SOB in charge to manipulate the American public the way we are manipulating ours.
- Mr. President, according to the reports we have from our residents there, they are already walking on thin ice. As we are at odds with their diplomats, we even had to urgently burn lots of papers and CDs so that their police shouldn’t get the wind of anything and catch us red-handed.
- Well, I am not a technical man, you know. But I can put two and two together sometimes. Just what they call horse sense. I want you to buy the best brains in the world so that they make for me a virus, a germ, whatever the hell they call it, capable of getting their Congress and Senate under our control, too, all over the place. Then the Europeans will have no choice but to dance to our pipe, gas pipe.
- Well, I’ ll see what I can do.
- You had better do what I ask you to. I know it may not be that easy. But if it were easy, everybody would be around here - for 24 years in a row, right?
- Absolutely, my president.