Status vs Free Spirit

               

July 2000
Hello, My Dear Friend!

How are you doing!  I'm doing all right here in America. I have everything you don't have in Russia- nice place to live, enough of great food, plenty of cloths to wear, so I feel uncomfortable telling you about my predicament, but believe it or not I don't have anybody here to share my problems with, so for the sake of our old good times together, for the sake of our long friendship, please try to understand me and not to be angry with me.

I'd like to share with you the problem which I got over the years in America, but realized only now. I got very strong enemy. His name is Status and all my life now depends entirely on my relationship with that creature. It is my own private enemy, which slowly grew up in me over those years in America and now he already overgrew myself and demanded to pay him my full attention and pay my price for neglecting him.

Yes, I have to admit, I neglected him absolutely deliberately, I didn't take any care of him, tried not to hear him and not to feed him at all. I tried to convince myself that I would be able to do well without him. O, what a presumptuousness! Now when I finally approached the complete trap in my life, my enemy enjoying the revenge! He is the only one I hear now, pay the whole attention and make a deal with. The all-powerful Status!

Let me introduce you to him, although be honest I don't know him myself very well, just starting to look closer at him. I think it would be much easier for you to understand my enemy if I would compare him with my best  friend, whom I know, whom I love dearly and whom I always give the best support possible. The name of that friend is Free Spirit and you know him very well. You should remember what a bad environment was in Russia for my dear friend, how much I tried to protect him and what big hopes and dreams I had, when I got the opportunity to move out from Russia to free society....

Well, things came out different way for me. I am not able to nurture my Free Spirit here. The formidable enemy, neglected Status, is on my way. In fact I started that battle from day one and now I just reap the fruits of all my years here.

I neglected all good advices for newcomers about the rules for living in a new country: how to dress appropriately, what make-up to put, how to address to people, what to say to right people and how much strength to put in handshaking and all kind of those rules, which are necessary for Status...but has not much to do with Free Spirit. Later -- worse. I neglected all great opportunities to become somebody, with whom the word ''Status'' would be appropriate. I neglected all computers and other technological ways of making money and be in a good terms with Status. Slowly I even gave up the desire for great American dollar.

You could ask me still what I did all those years? Yes, of course, you are right, I tried to do everything possibly to take care of my friend Free Spirit.  You would be surprised, but I found a lot of opportunities for that. There is plenty of human beings around who gave me that opportunity: children, mentally disable population and such. With them I could say what was on my mind, I could wear jeans in strict orthodox place, I could work during Jewish Sabbath, being non-religious person - they accepted me, they loved me, they responded positively to me and my friend Free Spirit had a lot of positive energy to thrive..... until Status didn't came into play... Then I was in trouble... I knew, that I said wrong things, I looked wrong, my behavior was wrong, my attitude  was wrong.... I was wrong all  over... no status at all.

It is not that I neglected that Status concept at all. As any immigrant dealing with new language I finally acquired the receptive part of a  new language, to be able to talk properly you have to learn it, although you will have no problems with understanding. Yes, I' ve learned people's reactions, their looks, their subtle tone of voice and what stands behind it. The more I’ve learned it, the more I felt that my Free spirit has less and less space to exist and that powerful Status occupied more and more.

I know that they cannot exist together. When I think about that I see a very bad situation. Giving up to Status I am losing more and more of my Free spirit, my only Friend I care about , who helps me, who supports me, who gives me the best moments in life and who helps me to help all those kids and people who could be beneficial from my help.

My worry is that the more I will learn the language of Status, the more the language of Free Spirit will suffer. The better I start to communicate with people of Status, the worse would be my Free Spirit communication. Because it is the rule how things work in life. It is impossible to be simultaneously in two these opposite states and remain a whole person.