Lonliness

All of her life she was thinking that there would come a time when she will be free like a bird and do everything that she wanted but lots of time has passed and nothing changed. She never thought that her life was a bad one but she was missing something, something really important. It was difficult to explain and to understand what exactly but as if she wasn't whole.
Her childhood was a very special one. She was always surrounded by lots of friends and people that made her happy. But that wasn't enough. She felt emptiness inside.
Her parents did everything in their power for her to be a child that could have everything but still, she didn't need much. She could sit for days at home and didn't go out. She liked being at home doing some things at home and trying to relax. But as now and then she couldn't stop thinking. Thoughts always made her block some emotions and relationships. She would think what if she wasn't good enough or she would never be good enough. When somebody liked her she couldn't understand why as she didn't like herself and even envied people who were confident and self-assured. People around her always saw more in her than she did. But she never believed that she was capable of doing the things that they saw in her. She was quite smart but that didn't help her. She liked helping people but never asked for help. She didn't know why it was like that but even if she went through something difficult nobody would know about it. Sometimes she would like to have a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on but that didn't last long. In a moment she would change and again pretend to be strong and independent.
Her family played an important role in her life. She would always support them and do all she could to make them feel comfortable. She felt over the moon when they were happy and healthy. All she needed in her life was them near and having no troubles at all. That was for a long time until the time came and she realized that it wasn't enough anymore. That kind of life was choking her. Nothing made her happy,  neither her family nor her job. She needed changes. Really radical ones. But how could she do it knowing that her family needed her support and she would never ever forgive herself if something happened to them if she became a little bit negligent.
All her life was a big mess. She always supported everything and never asked anything in return. Sometimes she would feel that people were using her but still it didn't teach her anything. She would continue helping.
When she was younger she was a very open person and that, of course, had its pluses and minuses. She never thought that her friends can betray her only because they envied that she was friendlier with boys in her company than they were. She didn't like telling lies and that sometimes put her into very weird situations where she felt really uncomfortable. As she was an open person she would tell about all of her thoughts to her friends not thinking that they would stab a knife into her back. She was so naive and maybe she will stay like that forever.
After several betrayals from friends, she started hating people and promised to herself not to trust people again.
Time passed and she started reading books about psychology and tried to analyze not only herself but all of the people and things that happened to her. Slowly she started opening up to some really close people and tried to believe that friendship still existed. To her great surprise, there were a few people around her that were worth that change in her. Even that didn't bring her back to life again. She felt like someone else was living her life while she was sitting and looking at it as an audience on a play.
She needed changes. Radical changes. Several times she thought of committing a suicide but that these were just thoughts. That would have been a radical change but then she would think about her family and imagine what they would feel and she would understand that it would have been very selfish of her to do so.
Maybe she should have changed the place of living. Move to another country where she didn't know anybody and start a new life, life that was without regrets and pain. Or maybe she should have found a person to share her life with and make a family of her own and be happy. Raise children and change the life in that way.
It has been a dilemma for her to understand for a long time what to do next. How to continue carrying on when there have been no plans. 
Of course, life is such an unpredictable thing. You can plan a lot of things and then your plans can be ruined in a second but living without any plans was painful as well. She was torturing herself and didn't know how to stop it.
Once she was going to work dressed up wearing a very nice dress and high heeled shoes. She was in a hurry as she had spent a lot of time on choosing what to wear and how to look. It was her birthday that day and she wanted to look nice. She was running when one of her heels broke and she was so angry and upset at the same time and standing on a pavement without knowing what to do. A young man approached her and offered his help. He saw her lost face and offered her to lift her up. Before that day she would never do anything like that but he looked so calm, so she agreed. While they were driving they started talking and it was so strange as she felt like she knew him all of her life, a soul mate. It has been a new feeling for her. It felt like someone wanted them to meet and that's why all of that happened. When she got to her work and was getting out of the car he passed her his business card and told her that now he was only one call away. She blushed and closed the door. You can't believe how long she was waiting somebody to tell her words like that.  She was happy and bewildered at the same time.
She took the risk and called him the next day. They started dating and got married after a while. Now they live happily together and she is expecting a baby.
Who could have thought that her story would end up like that? Nobody. Even she couldn't believe that something like this could happen as if he was sent from above to save her from her loneliness and bring her back to life.
 It doesn't matter how many people surrounded her she always felt alone. But this man managed to melt her heart and became part of it. She would have never let him go and would never leave as finally, they have found each other soul mates that were wondering in darkness until they met each other.