Rain-man and Reality

               
A LETTER to a FRIEND

Recently I sent you a letter where I gave you an advice: "Change yourself, change your attitude to life, otherwise... you will never be happy, etc." I'm sorry, I was wrong. It was a bad advice. I've read your last letter more carefully. I don't see anything wrong in your behavior. Unusual, yes, but not everyone has to fit standards, which are established by certain people in a certain time in certain place. No, you don't have to. Actually, I do the same as you do. I try to solve my problems which seems to me very similar. What happened this time was that I again got involved with autism. It's like a destiny pursuing me for a long time. The first encounter with that problem was a long time ago when I have read about the movie "Rainman" in Russia. I was fascinated with the idea that life of a mentally handicapped person could be much more meaningful and have more sense
than a life of a healthy person. To watch this movie was my impracticable dream because it wasn't in the theaters in Russia. By the way, one of the reasons why I wanted to leave Russia was the idea that I would be able to learn the language and watch any movie which I read about, but didn't have the opportunity to watch it.

MOVIE

A few years later when I lived in Lithuania in Vilnius I have read an ad about video club. I called them and with beating heart asked (I thought it was a crazy question) "Maybe you have a "Rain Man" movie?" The answer was "Yes, we have it." Can you imagine, I could have the tape,but where would I watch it? None of my friends had video. But when I want something very much, there is no obstacles. At that time I worked at the airport hotel and we had a video hall there. I tried to persuade a person who was in charge to show this movie to the public.
He said nobody would watch my film. Actually, they were showing "Police academy" every day. Finally, he gave up to my persistent attacks and let me use the video hall.

I remember sitting there with a Russian artist, only two of us in a large room and devouring what was there: lousy quality, lousy sound. Another strange thing with that movie happened to me in America. Although I watched it on TV, but forgot to record it, but wanted to have it at home. Once I was passing my old video store and I had nothing to do there, but something pushed me to enter. It sometimes happens to me. Something just pushes me in or out of things. This time I came in. They sold used tapes. The same time the thought just sprang into my mind: "Maybe they have "Rain Man"?" Just recently I have bought some used movies in a video nearby and I didn't think about that movie at all. This time I started to look and saw it in a minute. I looked through all the movies very carefully later and I didn't find anything there that I would like to buy. I came a few times afterwards in that store, I looked at the movies – nothing that I could buy.

Now I can watch it any time., every time see  a new way the fascinating transformation which happened with Tom Cruise, when he got in touch with his autistic brother. He could go through whole his life and could never learn what love is. He learned the most subtle human feelings thank to a person who is supposed to have no idea what feelings are. Is it not fascinated? But is it really true?

SPECIAL TASK

..... So, a little later after that story I got an autistic boy to work with. I worked with him once a week and a few times I took him to school. The school was very strange. 2- 3 teachers for every child and also they required an extra person in case a child needs a new diaper. It was my responsibility. The money for my salary his mother got from the government. From conversations among waiting parents I heard that having an autistic child is very beneficial for the family financially. Free babysitter for all kids, free toys, etc. Most discussions among parents were about benefits or how to get more hours of ABA. ABA is a popular approach  teaching autistic children and the goal is to get them out of their shells and make them like everybody else. It looks like raining a dog to do something that I want him to do or somebody else wants him to do. Dog gets a piece of sugar. A child gets a cookie. Teachers at those schools told me how uncomfortable they felt doing that.

ABA EXPERIENCE

When I saw it for the first time, I was shocked. Tiny toddler was squeezed between teachers' legs. In front of his nose there was a piece of his favorite cookie but he couldn't have it until he makes a gesture "bye bye." The child was screaming, stretching his tiny arms for the desired cookie, but the teacher was firm, besides there was a log in front of her. She had to check 5 "bye bye"s there for today and she had to do her job. Finally the teacher won, she got those 5 "bye bye"s. The child got his cookie, he was finally free and ate his cookie still sobbing. I watched that scene with my supervisor, and I told him: "I could never do that!" He said: "Why? It's normal. You also have to work for your pay check." I told him that paycheck is not the only reason I work for, there is some other thing there, but arguing with the supervisor is a lousy thing to do, so I stopped.
    And now there is a dilemma. I could do ABA and have 3 times more money for an hour than I had in my current job. Money is so necessary, but ...So, I started to spend all my time in that school in their library reading books about autism, taking them home and copying them at my night job. Soon I got a good library about autism at home.

MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING

 My work with the boy was very satisfying . He responded to me very well. For 3- 4 times we met I got good results. He wasn't aloof any more. We had a way of communication with him. He asked me questions in his own way. He did what I asked him to do. He could show me if he was in the mood for a play or whatever. He had his own way doing things and  I could pick it up. He got very cooperative... But I couldn't say the same about his mother. I started to teach him to talk. I wanted to take pictures of mother, so the child started to say "mama" as he could say sounds "ma"." Mother didn't cooperate on that idea.. As a result, the child started to greet me in the morning with the word "mama" which I taught him every day. I was fired in a day.

MONEY ISSUE

    So I was angry at mothers again, at adults in general and I got such a confidence that I could be beneficial to those children that I got obsessed with the idea that I have to open the place where I could work with autistic children in my own way and without any adult involvement. I planned to take an assistance from older children which are very enthusiastic
    The result was as always...I couldn't move anywhere with anybody, out of discussing money problem or as always rather lack of them. It was especially frustrating after my work in that school, where I was paid by government money only for being present there, in case two teachers, who took care of my boy couldn't manage to change a diaper for him.........