Attitude to Bipolar

PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE

Professionals deal with illness through symptoms. They treat symptoms -psychiatrists as well as psychologists. I asked every one of them to treat MY Bipolar, not just a Bipolar, but everybody except the Main one ignored that request. At the same time it's very important. For example I didn't have periods which would consider "normal" UP and DOWN stages just changed each other slowly or abruptly -overnight and it was a choice
My mother as well as my colleagues when I worked inn psychiatry prefer depression-easy to handle patients. Only the didn't like suicide attempts saying "only not during my shifts"
My Mother had the same attitude reproaching me and complaining to others that she needed to deal with consequences of them.Once I was on the pick of depression when mental pain was unbearable,so I asked mother to prescribed me sleeping pills so I'd succeed. She said that they are not allowed to prescribe a lot-she could lose her job. Probably deep inside she'd prefer to be free from such a trouble/ She had professional attitude similar to what I saw on work. From 2 stages she of course chose the depression one as I was consider behaving more "normal"

My daughter called it illness  when we lived together, but when she joined relatives in their attitude she started to prefer depression stage and reject all the the others which could be easily explained by her status.When she was a child depending on mother only having depressive mother nearby was of course terrible for her. When she got another support she wanted to have a convenient mother, which of course could be easily created by depressions.
So I was extremely lucky to have 7 years with the daughter who supported me a lot in desire to get rid from Bipolar
But I never expected that Fact would have such hostile attitude from everybody
-------------------
DESCRIPTION of BIPOLAR written by Daughter

Approximately every few years (approximately 3) my mother falls in a state of depression where she remains from one to six months. When my mother is in this state of depression, she feels dejected, useless, sometimes even suicidal. There is a big change in her: from a cheerful, active, bold, full of life individual she turns into a gloomy, listless, unsure of herself person. Her usually active mind which is normally full of plans and actions now falls asleep. During her depression she rarely has any thoughts except that everything is going bad and will get worse; she has difficulty concentrating on what she is doing; it's extremely hard for her to arrive at any decision.
Everything that she strongly advocates or rejects, when she's healthy, is now in reverse. The same in her relationship with people: if, when healthy, she deals with some persons without any problems, now they cannot find a common language, and vice versa, she is able to talk to people with whom in a healthy state she usually quarrels.
For example, usually she's friends with mentally retarded girls whose counselor she is. They like her because she's not nasty, often finds them interesting things to do, doesn't try to get rid of them as soon as possible in order to do her own things, and for other reasons. However, during the last period of illness, it almost got to the point when they hated and avoided her, since she used to annoy them with meaningless tasks, and, in general, it was not interesting to be with her at that time to any person, even more so to those girls with mental problems.
On the other hand, my mother doesn't usually have good relationships with her mother and brother; they quarrel periodically, and then she doesn't talk to them until one of her fit of depression occurs. During that time, her mother, my grandmother, usually becomes very helpful, soft and pities my mother. My mother regrets that she has treated her so bad, starts saying what a bad daughter she has been. They start calling each other A mother and A daughter, whereas usually they call e/o by names. It used to surprise me how quickly they become friends with e/o after a long time of bitterness. But I understand now it's not a real friendship; it always shatters as soon as my mother starts taking medicine that pulls her out of melancholic mood. When my grandmother sees that her daughter becomes her old self again, and already starts getting a bit impatient with her (since my grandmother is a VERY difficult person to deal with), the grandmother also assumes her old defending attitude and looks for quarrel at each word. As if she realizes that now there is nothing to be gained from her daughter, so it's better to separate as soon as possible. Also, I used to be confused that during the healthy period if I defend the grandmother, my mother would shout at me and show me through countless examples that the grandmother thinks about nobody but herself, whereas, during the illness, when the grandmother is a saint in the eyes of my mother, if I even hint at one of those examples that shows grandmother's selfishness, my mother would tell me that I don't treat my grandmother properly, that I speak roughly with her.
Another notable thing is that during depression my mother losses her memory, both short- and long-termed. She doesn't remember what somebody told her a few minutes ago, doesn't remember simple facts that she's usually brilliant at. But that, of course, is no wonder. Since her mind is sleeping, it cannot remember small things. As for things that happen some time ago and that my mother remembers when she's in healthy state, I think it's pushed to the back of her mind by constant worries of all sorts.
A change of opinion about her actions and thoughts also take place when she's in depression. She hates herself for how she has behaved when she was healthy, how she treated her relatives, how bold and impudent she has been, and other things. She also expresses her fears that I behave like her, that I've learned her bad ways of behaving. She begs me not to learn from her and not to behave the way she does, especially towards our relatives.
Also, during the depression, she becomes deceivingly pitiful of other people. She realizes what an annoying useless person she became to me, to the girls in her work, and to other people, but, of course, that doesn't help her to become herself again.
It's hard to say what causes these fits of depression, especially that I only remember 2 of them that happened in America. But the thing that I've noticed is that both of them happened in summer which is usually a deadly season for us because there is no work, no school, no money. So, we start speculating what's going to happen to us, are they going to throw us out of our house, how are we going to live without money, would we be forced to go beg on the street, etc. And, what happens is that sometimes my mother doesn't stop at expressing her worries, she falls into that state of depression where she remains even after our affairs are fixed. I hope that with time, as we progress through a working latter and getting better and better jobs, my mother will get into those depression states less and less often because losing a job wouldn't mean a disaster any longer.

COMMENTS

Seasons had nothing to do with my Bipolar. Hardships of life usually gave me only more energy. When I learned how my personality function and started to act according to those knowledge Bipolar had nothing to do with me any more as Carl Jung explained. I was free