Mind Transformation 125

125.
S: 7.4
a: 2:30
w: 11:40
11617
Дьяков «Мишель Фуко и его время».
A change came to my learning. At the morning I felt strong desire to read in Russian. I followed the desire, and the whole day was spent for reading a book about Foucault (180 pages). I’ve decided to read the book to the end. It’ll take me 3 or 4 days. It seems that philosophy again caught me in its trap. There is so much attractiveness in it. And again, I definitely want to write in Russian. I know I must develop my English at the same level, and the basic obstacle for that is writing in Russian, which, according to this view, is simply waste of time. If I switch the journal on Russian it may kill my desire to learn English pretty fast. There is no doubt about it; I know it bloody well.
Quite recently I thought that my extraordinary intensive learning is based on the desire of making this damn speaking club to be the best place for those who learn English in our city, but now I realized that there are many other reasons as well. One of them, and probably the chief one, is writing. My thoughts are gigantic rivers but there is not enough space for them to flow. The more I learn English, the wider my horizons become. I can fill all this area with my thoughts, but now it’s only dirty water. I need to clean the water again and again till it is perfect. And it’ll never be perfect, obviously, though who the fuck cares.

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