Mind Transformation 199

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Watched “Pinocchio” after Peterson’s lecture. Brilliant! Cried. All was about me. I was the fucking ass, seduced by lots of temptations, didn’t listen to my conscious, etc. Where am I now in this story? Am I trying to be a good boy? Or maybe I became the fox? Really it’s so powerful! I read tons fairy tales when I was a kid but it didn’t help. Why? It’s real life. All what’s going on there seems to be unpredictable. But it’s all about me! I smoked, drank, and did lots of stupid things. I listened to fucking idiots considering them as wise men. I believed, I really believed that only fools read books, that all important knowledge can be derived from tv and communication with other people or through damn self-reflection. And now here I am: in the world full of the same silly marionettes as I was, who are completely unconscious despite their reasonable behavior and logical speaking. I mean I don’t know anyone personally who’s conscious. Of course it doesn’t refer to people whom I see in the internet, who in some sense help me to understand myself. No doubts that there were always people who saw everything clearly, but what they did next? I mean, was there a difference between science, art, religion, literature etc, or it was only a difference between people?
I was going to change my daily routine today, but instead of that did almost the same things except the schedule, reading, speaking, and Chinese. I didn’t want to learn anything today but—

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