Do you have a cabbage?

                Do you have a cabbage?
               
All Russian speakers are well aware that US dollars are sometimes called “cabbage,” due to their color.
But today, we’re talking about real cabbage, which most people like to use and some animals even eat.
We gladly eat it in different forms: in a borsch, stewed with vegetables and meat, in sauerkraut, etc.
But what could cabbage possibly have to do with the amanita mushroom?
Everyone knows that such mushrooms are poisonous, and they cannot be eaten. They can be easily distinguished from edible mushrooms thanks to their "combative" red color. I do not think that Americans often go to the forest to pick mushrooms, and then cook them, preserve them, fry them, etc. In every store, we have plenty of varieties of mushrooms, like champignons, and they can be eaten even raw, without fear of poisoning! And all because they are grown in special greenhouses with the observance of standards!
How great! And, oh, how many marinated and canned mushrooms there are—it’s unbelievable! My mouth is watering just thinking about it.
I remember an anecdote. A Russian tourist came to America, and entered to a restaurant, but he couldn’t say even two words in English—or any foreign language, for that matter (what a shame)! The waiter brought him a menu, but our traveler does not understand anything in it! And he very much wants to eat mushrooms as he did in Russia, with a shot of vodka. This is called “the zakus;n.” [Editor’s note: this is similar to an ap;ritif.]
But the customer does not know how to say this! The waiter was patient, he listened and listened to the babbling of the foreigner, and then brought him a sheet of paper and some markers, and asks him to draw what he wants. The man was delighted, grabbed a sheet of paper and drew a mushroom (or so he thought). The waiter smiled, nodded to the client, and left. A few minutes later, he returned... And in his hands was an umbrella! The Russian tourist had drawn the mushroom so beautifully; this is what happens when one does not know how to speak English (and even how to draw!)
And I remembered another anecdote. A cat was chasing after a mouse, chased it into a hole in a wall, and then sat outside of the whole, thinking about how it would make its victim peek out. The cat thought for a bit and decided to bark like a dog. And so she did! The simple mouse thought, “Where did the dog come from?” The poor thing peeked outside – and the cat ate her! And so the cat thought: “How good it is to know even one foreign language!”
I’m telling you: in a foreign country you’ll need to be able to ask for directions and at least slightly understand the response. I remember my first trip to New York about twenty years ago, when we did not yet have the financial means to buy a GPS, and the English language was “below average.” My husband and I somehow arrived in this huge city, drove through the world-famous Verrazano bridge, and we didn’t know where to turn—left or right! The drivers were honking at us, showing us some incomprehensible gestures on their fingers, beckoning at us to leave the road. So, well, we drove off somewhere to the right! Then we stopped—we did not know where to go next.
The night was approaching, and we were being overtaken by cars left and right. What were we to do? We did not have a mobile phone either—we couldn’t have called our friends and asked them the way! Oh, what a situation! So, my husband says to me, “Get out of the car and ask someone for directions!” I stayed in the car for a little bit, and practiced how to ask this in English. Then I opened the door and stepped out, but I could not see anything—it was terribly dark! What should I do? Suddenly, I hear footsteps approaching to me; I was overjoyed and began asking questions in English. In response, only silence. And then I hear a man’s voice: “Don’t worry, just speak Russian. What do you need?” I was overjoyed. The man explained to me, in Russian, how to travel outside this area. Oh, how lucky we were! Looks like our Russian came in handy!
               
It is said that from the top of the Verrazano bridge the view is simply amazing—the Atlantic Ocean, the magnificent Manhattan, the majestic Statue of Liberty and other beauties on the harbor. But we, unfortunately, did not see anything of this, since we were nervously watching the road before us—and the traffic of cars was incredibly fast (and even aggressive, from our perspective!). We were terribly tense and even a little fearful! After hearing the explanation of the Russian man, we, finally, left this magnificent, grand bridge. After that, we kept asking different people about the way to our friends’ house, but this time, in English; we finally began to get our bearings. We finally reached our destination safely! And on the next day, we began getting acquainted with the city and saw many sights. We had many great experiences—but when we remembered that we had to return home, we tensed up (for we were nervous for the drive back!). But we were hoping that everything would be OK—after all, we’d gotten some experience along the way! A small-town man will always find his way in a big city—we’ll ask in English, but we’ll understand the answer somehow!
You would now be very much correct in asking me: "What on earth does this have to do with the amanita mushrooms and cabbage? Are you in your right mind, dearest author?"
Why, of course I remember what I wanted to tell you!
I was recently talking with one of my friends living in Kharkov, Ukraine. We are both at a respectable age, and of course, first talked about the weather in our countries—how the temperature of the air affects the health and pressure of a person. Next, of course, we started talking about our afflictions—of present and past. It turned out that we both suffered from pain in our knees, which was not at all surprising: age is age—a person’s body gets worn out! And then, the woman told me that she was lucky, because in her apartment complex there was an herbalist who prepared for her a cream [Ed. Note: tincture] made from vodka and the poisonous amanita mushrooms. And a miracle happened! As soon as she’d applied the cream, the pain in her knee quickly disappeared, and she again began treading on her foot and walking calmly! I told her that I had also gone through the same pain, and after a few months I had gone to the doctor and gotten a special injection, which helped me. Without it, I wasn’t even able to drive—the pain in my right knee was very intense.
And I also told her that my mother had treated her own knees with a leaf of cabbage and honey, then made a warm compress out of it, and by the morning, the pain would disappear. And my friend asks: “Can you be treated with cream made out of amanita mushrooms? Do those mushrooms grow in America?” I answered her that I had no idea—we do not go to the forest for mushrooms. And then I get the following question: “Do you have cabbage? And do you have honey?” I was speechless. Even if cabbage did not grow in America, and the bees would not collect honey, then it would still be imported! One of our close relatives often says: “In America, there is everything!” Moreover, she almost never leaves her house, but somehow she knows everything.
After this conversation, I became interested in the poisonous amanita mushrooms. Anything is possible, I thought, and began to do a little Googling. And, what do you know!? It turns out that such a cream is sold in Russian and Ukrainian pharmacies—and people use it to treat themselves of various afflictions, that is, illnesses. And I remember that only elderly people remember the benefits of cabbage. Here's to you the connection between fly agarics and cabbage!
But remember that young people in all Russian-speaking countries call US dollars cabbage. So they say: "We need to work harder to earn more cabbage!”
Do you have amanita mushrooms? What about cabbage and honey?