The Prediction of the Ghost

             

                VICTORIA BLINDER

    English translation: Irene Milner



    Seven years of our marriage ended without any purpose. Well, they weren’t over yet, but we both felt that it was the beginning of the end. We weren’t attracted to each other anymore. Although, from the outside everything seemed quite good between us – no scandals, arguments or blames, but from the inside I felt the growing disappointment that all our hopes were lost.
It was difficult to explain to our friends and family why we wanted to break up. Perhaps, if we had children, everything might have been different. Apparently, both of us egoists – we care more about our careers. My husband dealt with science and was always into art. He attended different symposiums and I was mostly out in the nature drawing and sketching my surroundings. Our worlds began to have very little in common, yet none of us dared to talk about that.
This situation depressed me. Perhaps it would be easier to leave him for someone else, but I didn’t have anyone, which meant that I was going ahead into the unknown. Actually, it gives me freedom which always promises a new beginning.
Every year Rosh-ha-Shana gives another hope for a beginning of a new life. Then, a whole month filled with holidays which I love so much. They change the routine days and bring colorful happiness and hope for the upcoming year. A hope to be signed into the Book of Life during the atonement day and bring a happier future for me.
This is a double celebration for me – I was born during the fast at the 10th of Tishrei (Hebrew month – September or October).
In a few days I will be thirty two years old. During my childhood I was depressed by the fact that I have to wait a whole day until I get my presents. They were given to me only by the end of my birthday after the ending of the fast. Today as well I will get them only at the end of our evening meal and there will be some toasts said to me.
Usually, right after, me and my husband go on a vacation. However, this year he had to attend a symposium. I did not want to join him, and with his permission I planned to visit Toledo. I was willing to do some sketches of the Jewish neighborhoods or of what was left of them. And think...
Toledo...
Hebrew translation to this word means a number of generations. A city with a Jewish name exists without any Jews for very long time. The ancestors of my father were expelled from Toledo more than five centuries ago. The journey from Toledo back to Jerusalem lasted more than two hundred years. They were considered to be lucky, for they managed to escape to Turkey. During that time when the Spanish expelled Jews, Turkish Sultan Bayezid the Second welcomed them in his state. The Ottoman Empire gave shelter to the refugees. Bayezid the Second claimed that Jews can contribute to the industry of his country. For two hundred years my ancestors searched for themselves in Istanbul and then eventually turned to the south of the empire – to Palestine, to the eternal city of Jerusalem. I am the eighth generation of my family, and was born in the city of King David.
And still, in the depth of my soul I can feel the pain of Toledo. Perhaps for the fact that this city was a momentous place in my family. I return there when I feel good or bad, or when I have an important decision to make.
Not by chance I ordered a room at the same hotel where seven years ago I stayed with my husband during our honeymoon. I wanted to go back there – to our honeymoon but this time alone – and try to figure out what is happening between us.
The hotel – small and cozy – was very close to Hudoriya, a Jewish quarter – another paradox of Spain. Interesting, why they did not change its name, why would they want to remind themselves constantly about their indifference towards others grief?
Tomorrow I will be thirty two. Each year on my birthday I fast. I believe that this is the only day during the year when I totally respect the Jewish tradition. Perhaps this is my way to beg God for a happy fortune. I am not sure...
This year the fast was quite easy. Bothered by my own thoughts I did not notice how time passed.
After the final prayer I returned home from the synagogue, full of energy as if I was born again. I began to set the table. I knew that my family is coming soon – today is my birthday. My husband helped me prepare the house for the celebration by hanging balloons and garlands in the living room.
Usually the first gift was always from him – jewelries or perfumes. Today as well I received a small package from him. I opened it and discovered a comb inlaid with pearls and ivory. For the first time in seven years, he did not follow his habits. Someone must have gave him this idea for the present, but it did not matter, the comb was so beautiful.
Amazing! – I said. – Where did you get it?
Secret. I hope you like it.
At that moment we heard the door bell, and my parents interrupted our moment of privacy. They brought so much food with them along with different bakery products and a birthday cake.
My mother knows that I can't stand cooking and I usually eat sandwiches or fruits. Every time she reminds me how important it is for a woman to be a good housewife and not a random guest in her own kitchen. I, totally incapable of cooking anything at all, turned out to be so different from my mother – a wonderful housewife. However, I inherited something else from my mother – blue eyes and the love of art.
My mother had a purely European upbringing. Although, during the years of her marriage, the German pedantry mixed with the eastern spontaneously and almost disappeared. Nevertheless she was strict with her children. During my school years I was very envious of my friends, who had so much free time. When I was twenty five they were envious of me – couple of years after they ended their army service they began their studies and by that time I already obtained my masters and finally could really appreciate the positive effect of my mother's strict education towards us.
Since my early childhood I was taught to keep the house clean and in order. It was strictly kept. But the kitchen... It always remained as an enemy territory for me. I was lucky that my husband wasn’t a gourmet, so a daily omelet did not make him mad.
I looked at the food that was in the bags, there was enough for a flock of men.
Why did you bring so much?
I hope that we will end everything, and if not you'll have some for the coming days. Then you will thank me.
By saying that, my mom was absolutely right. I always thanked her, but today it was different. Tomorrow morning I am flying to Toledo, and during the evening my husband leaves to Toronto.
My parents did not like this plan. In their opinion, I should join my husband to the conference, without any choice of free will.
I will be quite busy during the conference, and Rashel wants to relax.
What’s there to relax from? – grumbled my father.
Luckily all guests came at this moment. The conversation was interrupted and we never talked about it again.
The celebration lasted until midnight. I cleaned the house for another two hours, although my husband asked me not to, trying to convince me to go to sleep.
I have a whole day tomorrow, I will end everything, and you have a flight to catch at seven a.m.
So it is better not to sleep at all, for at five o’clock  I already have to be at the airport.
My husband insisted so I went to sleep for a couple of hours.
Afterwards I remember everything vaguely – my waking up, the way to the airport, security checks...
I slept during the whole flight, and didn’t even wake up for breakfast. 
By the time we landed I was after a good sleep and felt cheerful.
At the afternoon I arrived to the hotel. The check-in lasted only a couple of minutes. I took all my stuff to the room and immediately went out to walk around the city. I saw many tourist in the center of Toledo and slowly became one of them.
By four o'clock I was quite tired of walking, so I found a nice coffee house in front of the church of Santa Maria. I was not very hungry, so I ordered salad, coffee and some juice. The waitress took my order and disappeared. I began to observe the church...well it wasn’t even a church...
Many years ago Jews in Toledo were very rich, they brought land from the saint city of Jerusalem and on that land built a synagogue. The building was magnificent and it became the pride of the community. Then, began the persecutions, pogroms, expulsions and forced baptism. Apparently, forced baptism can be applied not only towards people, but to buildings as well. This synagogue was baptized by force and transformed into a church of Santa Maria la Blanca. A sad story which is willed to be forgotten. For many tourists who try to capture moments of their trip, it will always remain a church of Santa Maria.
Suddenly, among the crowd I saw a strange creature. Must be a local madwoman. She walked barefoot, wearing strange clothing with an undefined color. Her black hair was loose and the expression of her enormous black eyes scared me. Curiously, but no one around me noticed her.
She came close to my table and sat in front of me, without even asking for my permission. She stared at me and observed me carefully.
At some point I decided that she was hungry and offered her some salad, which I didn’t eat yet. But, she refused, sadly shaking her head. She just sat there and constantly looked at me. I was afraid to move.
Suddenly she began to talk. Or perhaps I imagined it? She addressed me by saying my name – Rashel. Or was it my imagination once more? Apparently, my face reflected fear and it made her laugh.
How do you know my name?
Not just your name. I know your past and your future.
"She is a madwoman, for sure", I thought to myself and turned away my look from her.
I am not a madwoman, I am a ghost. I inhabit the walls of synagogue since 1391
Why did you choose such a strange place?
I didn’t choose anything, I died here during the pogrom. Died one week after getting married. We tried to hide here – it didn’t help she said and drew a heavy sigh.
People around us did not notice us at all.
Therefore, I came to a conclusion that I am hallucinating as a result of my fatigue and hunger. But, if she is a real ghost, the surrounding should not notice her.
Ridiculous! No one will believe - if I tell. "How did you spend your last evening?" – "Good. Had dinner with a ghost".
It made me laugh.
The young woman who were sitting in front of me laughed as well.
It doesn’t sound very convincing, - she said laughing.
Suddenly I felt frightened, realizing that she can read my thoughts. I once heard that mad people have a sharpened perception of the world.
I already explained, that I am not a madwoman, I am just a ghost, I live here and you are my guest.
There are many people in this square, so you have a big choice.
And I chose you.
Why did I get such an honor?
I think that we are related, have the same blood. Your ancestors used to live here. Don’t you know about that?
I know. They once escaped Toledo.
They were lucky. They succeeded. 
Both of us were silent. She looked down sadly.
I did not have any experience talking with ghosts, and I wasn’t quite sure that she really was one, and not just a regular whacky. The only thing that bothered me was that no one from the surrounding noticed her, and the fact that she knew my name.
Is it only me that can see her?
Yes, only you can see me, - she replied to my thought. – Eat something, you are hungry.
And you?
She did not respond.
It is difficult to eat when someone stares at you all the time. Even if that someone is a ghost.
Suddenly I was curious about her name.
Lea.
What?
My name is Lea. Donna Lea. Don’t you wanted to know?
Donna Lea, - I slowly repeated her name.
Would you like me to tell you about yourself? – She asked me laughing, and started talking without waiting for my reply.
You are lonely. Married but lonely. You are about to face big changes in your life.
I listened carefully. It was easy to realize that I was lonely – I was sitting alone at a night like that. Although, I had the sign of marriage on my finger – my wedding ring. I thought that any attentive person could say it as well. Interesting, what does she mean by saying big changes?
As if...She was answering to my thoughts, she said:
You will meet someone, have a love affair, divorce your husband, another happy marriage, children... 
When? I replied.
When? Now. You will meet him now.
What – right now and here?
She nodded confidently, and at the same time I heard a man's voice:
Is it free?
Yes I replied. All the tables around were taken, he really didn’t have a place to sit.
He reached the chair that was in front of me. Lea managed to slip from it and moved to chair that stood next to me. She was smiling.
Didn’t I tell you that you will meet him right now? Look at him, you will make such a beautiful couple. 
At that time he was talking to the waitress. I couldn’t believe that I waited for her for more than half an hour, and for him, he came almost immediately. Where is the gender equality I ask...
So? You like him? – asked Lea.
I didn’t know what to say.
Do you speak Spanish? – I heard a question towards me.
A bit. But, I prefer French or English.
I am so lucky. Now I can relax and talk with you on my native language, he switched to French.
Talk? About what?
He laughed.
Well, we won't eat in a total silence I believe. What a wonderful evening...
The waitress brought him his order along with a bottle of wine and a glass. He asked for another one – for me.
I believe that Michelle is trying to get to know you – said Lea.
Well, I could figure it out on my own. The only new thing I heard from her was his name – Michelle.
When my glass was at the table, with a shining burgundy liquid inside, I suddenly realized that I do not want to meet new people. I just want to be alone.
I don’t drink, - I said, hoping that it will end our conversation.
At least taste it, to our meeting.
It was obvious that Michelle won't give up, so it was easier to taste the wine than hear his persuasions.
To our meeting, - he said.
I only touched the liquid with my lips and put the glass back to its place.
My eyes were looking straight on the plate with the salad.
Why are you angry? – I heard Lea's voice. She was still sitting next to me observing this situation.
I really was angry. Without any reason, just was.
Are you having an artistic crisis?
Why do you think so?
I saw him looking at my album. There I had some sketches of Lea. Apparently I was sketching during our conversation.
May I take a look?
And without waiting for permission he took the album.
"How rude" – I thought to myself.
He looked at the sketches.
Wow – quite professional. You can trust me.
Are you trying to flatter?
Not at all. I am just trying to be objective in my evaluation of your work.
Why should I trust you?
Without saying a word, Michelle took out a business card from his pocket and gave it to me. Now it was my turn to say "Wow". His name was familiar to me – he was one of the most interesting art critic of the Sorbonne.
His last book regarding modern art became a bestseller and was translated into many languages. I read it more than once. "Each decade has its own modern", this was its beginning.
I couldn’t believe that fate has encountered me with a person whom I wanted to ask so many questions. We switched roles, he was observing the sketches and I shamelessly observed him.
He suddenly broke the silence and thoughtfully said:
If you would bring me your drawings, I would think that they are illustrations of some mystical novel, with castles and ghosts. This young woman looks like a ghost.
I looked at Lea. She was laughing. If Michelle only knew how close he is to the truth.
Are you a professional artist? – I heard a question towards me.
Yes. But I teach more than I draw.
Where do you teach?
At the art academy.
And how come you are not teaching right now?
Our school year begins only in two weeks, now we have holidays.
Holidays? Where are you from?
From Israel.
Interesting. By fate I met you. I have to show you some objects, which I have been dealing with lately. I am quite sure that they are somehow connected to Judaism.
Art objects?
You can name them this way.
The conversation stopped as he was thinking.
By that time I finished my dinner and asked the waitress for the account.
Stay with me for a bit more, then we will go for a walk in Toledo. Aren't you here alone?
I nodded.
That means that you do not have any specific plans for tonight. I don’t have either, so we'll spend it together.
Actually, it wasn’t in my plans...
In mine as well. But since fate encountered us why not follow it? Eventually, an evening walk through the city won't obligate you to anything.
Indeed, I thought to myself, it won’t lead to anything. I remained sitting on the chair. I picked all my sketches from the table and began to observe them carefully. Was it so obvious that I drew a ghost?
Lea was still sitting on the chair.
Perhaps, she was right, and my eyes did reflect ages of heavy burden.
I disagreed – just regular Jewish eyes.
Why do you think my sketches show a ghost? Did you ever see one before?
Only the Canterville Ghost.
Quite difficult to judge by it.
Still, your heroine remind a bit of it... Let's drink another sip of wine before we leave to our evening walk in Toledo.
You will go without me. I cannot leave beyond this square, - said Lea.
That’s a shame, I almost got used to you.
Did you say something? I didn’t hear.
No. Nothing.
You know, I have a strange feeling that you are talking with someone, but I can't see to whom.
Perhaps, with myself.
Maybe.
And we began our evening walk in the city.
At first we did not talk a lot, and discussed only professional subjects. We had same interests and shared similar points of view. Gradually the conversation lead to our personal lives.
Michelle was only five years older than me. Surprisingly, for I was quite sure that his books were published so many years ago, and that he is at least fifty years old.
I told him that without any hesitation.
My first book was published when I was only twenty six years old – he explained. There was a feeling that Michelle tries to approve his youth.
I grew up early.
He was silent and we did not talk. For ten minutes we walked without saying a word. Michelle himself broke it.
We can go to a bar, drink something...
But after looking at my facial expression, added:
Or just talk.
I agreed. But wasn’t sure that I am doing the right thing.
Then Michelle reached some restaurant's entrance talked with the manager for a few minutes and confidently walked me to some place.
Where are we going?
To a pub, that I was just recommended.
I noticed how confident he was. That's why he makes decisions so quick, without much consultation with his partner. My husband would decide much longer whom to ask and whether to go or not. Consult with me, and I as well would not decide. Well...
Here we are...
Small house seemed very cozy. Low internal walls with domestic plants on them, created an atmosphere for true confessions.
What would you like me to order for you?
Juice.
Juice? – asked Michelle and called the waiter.
Plate of cheese, bottle of wine, two glasses and juice.
Orange juice will do?
Definitely.
I felt very uncomfortable. It wasn’t right to go like that with a stranger to a bar.
For sure it wasn’t right, I realized that but... had no regrets.
So, you were saying that you grew up early.
Yes. When I was eleven years old, after my great-grandfather passed away.
You mean your grandfather?
No. My great-grandfather. I never met my grandparents. They died in 1943, when my mother was only six months old. That’s why my mother grew up with her grandparents.
But how? Why?
How what? I will try to tell you a story, which will remind more of a novel than the real life. By the way why don’t you drink some wine?
I don’t know. I prefer juice or cola.
You amaze me. And what do you like to eat?
Sandwiches and salads. Simple ones, made of fresh vegetables with olive oil and lemon.
Why am I making excuses? It doesn’t really matter what to eat. Is it my fault that I am not a gourmet?
Taste the wine, please. Allow yourself to feel its rich taste.
I sipped the wine, and honestly did not feel anything special.
So, you grew up with...
My great-grandparents. I will tell you everything from the beginning. Imagine that I am telling you the content of a novel.
He took the glass of wine and almost disappeared in the armchair. Michelle's eyes were half closed and his voice was very quiet.
Well, a long time ago, at the beginning of this century in the south of France there were two families. In one of the families grew up a girl and in the other – boy. Both families had the same social status. The men of the family were doctors and were much more than colleagues and friends. That’s why their children knew each other from the moment they were born. When they reached their adulthood they had engaged and then got married. Now it will be difficult to say whether it was their own decision or the accomplishment of their parents' plans. It doesn’t really matter. They lived a very happy life. If not to consider...
Michelle stopped.
He finished his wine and filled his glass again.
There was a feeling that he was not talking to me, but to himself trying to understand the past of his family.
So, they lived happily and had only one daughter. Then the same story happened again; when their daughter was only seventeen years old she got married to the son of their best friends. Now, I believe that there was a mystery there. I realize that for generations this family tried to protect their children from the real world. But why?
Perhaps they were a part of some cult?
I don’t know. I never saw them going to church or praying. I guess that even if it was a cult, it had nothing to do with religion. However, there was some reason for their isolation from the surrounding... The first one who broke this tradition was my mother. She moved to Paris to study. The beginning of sixties during the riots. My mother married one of her classmates against the will of the elders.
You did not tell what happened to your grandparents.
They got married when my grandmother was seventeen and my grandfather was twenty three, during the war. Two years later my mother was born. The south was considered a safer place, so that was a good excuse to take her there to their parents when she was only four months old.
Once, my great-grandfather told me that only one year after their death some clues were found about them being members of the Resistance. Until then it was considered that they were victims of an accidental firefight. That’s how my mother remained with her grandparents who were 37 and 43 by that time. Today they could easily be her parents. Now, at this age people only begin to think about families, but then... Probably at this age, it was already considered quite old. I am thirty seven now, yet not married or have any children. And they already had a granddaughter. 
They loved her so much.
Spoiled my mother so much, and on me they corrected all their mistakes.    
Why didn’t you grow up with your parents?
My mother always did what she wanted to. Got married against her parents will, then divorced four years later without asking for anyone's advice. She took me to her grandparents and they happily received me. They were about sixty years old when they felt their house is full of life once more. My mother returned to Paris and got married once more.
You probably have brothers and sisters.
No, I am the only child in my family. My mother is now married for the fourth time, she changed her husbands, but never wanted to have more children. Maybe it was better this way...
So, since you were two years old you lived with your... How do you call them? Great?
Yes. I was happy in their home. Actually, in my home. My great-grandparents dedicated a lot of time to me. First, played with me, read books out loud, took me to the theater. Then, took me to private teachers. I had music, literature and drawing lessons and all that was delivered through games.
What about encountering with your peers?  Was it was also a part of your education?
No, not really. I felt great without it. How did you grow up?
Like in a kindergarten – I have three brothers and one sister. All of us about the same age. Each of us was engaged with things he liked. My sister liked music, I drew and my brothers made models of airplanes, wrestled and played football. In general, each of us chose to attend different places. My mother was very demanding, we had to excel in everything we do until the very end.
During the school years my studies were the most important thing, then army service and afterwards I went to the art academy. I always wanted to have more freedom during these years. The rest is quite ordinary, like all the others. You also probably had all those things except the army service.
My childhood ended when I was 11 years old, when my great-grandfather unexpectedly passed away. In only few minutes... Heart attack. It did not affect our social status – grandma and I were still living at the same prosperity. But our world became even smaller. Grandma never worked, she was always a housewife. No, she was a housekeeper. She never dealt with the financial issues, always relying on her husband. So an old lady and an eleven year old boy began to learn everything together.
Probably, it was a difficult period.
Not really, grandpa was very organized and left everything in order. We had the assistance of a lawyer and a bookkeeper who worked with grandpa during his lifetime. My mother got a small apartment, and the rest was written on us.
Michelle stopped again and began to wonder. It seemed that he doesn’t even notice me. His eyes were half closed.
I took out my album and pencil and began to sketch.
Don’t.
Why?
Let's drink, he said instead. I know that you don’t drink, but at least make as if you do – take the glass in your hand and sip the wine.
It made me laugh, although it was unclear what was so funny. Thinking... I came here to be alone to figure out my life, and instead I am sitting with a stranger and listening to his confession. What for?
Don’t go away, - suddenly he said, as if he read my mind, - both of us are not familiar with anyone in this city.
He continued his story, suddenly, like he stopped.
Grandma and I lived in this city for eight years. Then, moved to Paris. Bought a big apartment and moved there all our library. I was accepted to Sorbonne. Life continued. For a long time we did not know what to do with our house in Marseille. Grandma didn’t want to sell it, to many good memories were attached to that place. So, we decided to rent it. Our lawyer found renters. We set a price and agreed that one of the rooms will remain locked. There we will put all our things. From that moment the only thing that connected us to that house was a monthly payment sent to our account.
Years passed...
Yes, many years have passed... I was always busy, studying, writing books, traveling...
And your grandmother?
We lived together. I tried to maintain the atmosphere of the old house for her. We brought books and some of the furniture with us. Most of it. Everything was as before.
But you did, probably meet some people.
No. Due to my mother's marriages and divorces I developed a constant willingness of not attaching to anyone at all... I was thirty two when my grandma passed away. I buried her in Marseille next to grandpa. 
He was quiet once more.
If you don’t drink, I would have to drink all that bottle myself. And you probably don’t want me to get drunk.
I laughed, and replied questioning.
Do you want to get me drunk?
Can you become drunk of one glass?
I think, not.
So, here is the answer.
What happened later?
I returned to Paris. Life continued. I was very busy working all the time.
Still living alone?
Yes. Well, I realized that I have to get married. It almost happened twice, but at the last moment I cancelled it.
Why?
Difficult to explain. Perhaps it wasn’t mine... Half a year ago I decided to go back to Marseille to begin my new book. I notified my renters about it. Time passed, I took a vacation from the academy and went back home for two months.
Weren’t you already living in your home?
I lived in my apartment, and there was my home. In Marseille. I don’t even want to remind myself of the first days there – I tried to manage everything in the house, make order in my books. Then I opened the room, which was locked with our old things. Among them I found a box with quite strange objects. What was even stranger is that they were secretly kept in our house. In fact, I don’t remember them at all. I don’t know how they got there. All of them have had a stamp of "Toledo" and something else. One of them had a strange symbol. Apparently a sign of a certain family or generation.
Did you bring them here?
Only three of them. Tomorrow I will show them to you, and then we will go to the antique dealer. I think that it's about it. Now tell me about yourself.
I don’t know what to tell.
Well... If you are here alone, there must be something you can tell.
I didn’t want to talk. What would I say? That at the age of thirty two I am ready to start everything all over again?
Michelle understood my silence and began to tell me different stories regarding his new book. Eventually, we left the bar at three a.m. when it has closed.
It was chilly outside. Michelle took off his jacket and put it on me.
We came back to the square where our meeting began. It was quite close to the hotel about four minutes walking. Actually, I didn’t want to him to go, and when Michelle entered with me to the hotel, I wasn’t surprised and considered it to obvious that he wanted to walk me to the door of my room. But walks like that...are some kind of provocation.
Thank you for a lovely evening, - I said.
I really enjoyed with you. For a long time I haven’t felt like that.
You have to go back. Thank you once more.
Michelle smiled.
I am going to my place. I stayed at the same hotel on the second floor.
You know, this was the strangest day of my life...
Occasionally we stayed at the same small hotel, in nearby rooms... I suddenly thought about Lea's prediction in the morning.
So here we are.
I reached my hand to him to say goodbye, and he brought it to his lips...
What happened afterwards was madness. Mutual insanity. If heaven exists we were a part of it for the next moments. I had never experience something like that. A complete harmony of bodies and souls. That night I fell asleep feeling more like on a cloud of pleasure.
Waking up in the mornings always felt as punishment to me. Usually, when I had the chance, I would stay hours in the bed without even opening my eyes. Now, I didn’t want to wake up into reality, since last evening and night were in my imagination. 
Perhaps, it didn’t happen to me at all? My mother raised us in Puritanism. We couldn’t even think of certain things, for it was considered unethical. Actually, to be honest, I was the only child who really kept this taboo. Others, never argued with our mother, but behaved accordingly to our generation. And I, would always listen and considered my mother's point of view. Did all that really happened to me?
However, despite some pangs of conscience, I felt good. There was a scent of roses and my body was filled with easiness. Heaven on earth in a room of a provincial hotel.
I didn’t want to open my eyes.
I was a bit afraid of the reality. What if Michelle is in the room, how should I act? And what if not? How should I accept last night? One thing was for sure – my marriage ended for good.
I have to open my eyes. I imagined how the scent of roses disappears and in the reality I would find myself alone in the room without any evidence from last night.
So... One... Two… Three... I slowly opened my eyes and saw scattering of pink rose petals around me. Am I still dreaming or it is the reality?
Good morning. Although it's almost afternoon.
Then, good afternoon.
So, everything that happened was real. Maybe a hallucination? I wonder whether madness could last for a day.
I should close my eyes and everything will disappear. Or not. I should get up and admit that everything that happened was a mistake. No, not really. It was a misunderstanding. I was ready to say some of words of parting, but... when I felt Michelle's breath and the touch of his lips, I forgot about everything.
I was never served breakfast in bed. My mother taught us to eat only sitting at the table, and my husband had never thought about it.
Almost everything that happened during that trip was quite a surprise for me.
When did you manage to bring breakfast to the room?
I had plenty of time – almost half a day.
And where did you get the roses?
You like them?
What you did to them is – barbarity. 
Michelle laughed.
Perhaps, but you didn’t see the expression of your face when you opened your eyes. Trust me, it was worth making such madness.
No. Yesterday's ease of our communication wasn’t a lie. We both felt, as if we knew each other for ages. After sharing details regarding our previous lives we decided to go out to the city.
I sent Michelle to his room promising to call him when I am ready. I went to shower. I caught my reflection at the mirror and looked straight in my eyes, but I haven’t noticed any regrets.
Perhaps I lost my mind? First, a conversation with the ghost, then a night with a stranger. As if it wasn’t happening to me.
It took me about half an hour to arrange myself. I was busy, and for Michelle it probably felt like eternity. When I walked out of my room I saw him standing by the door.
There is a nice small restaurant not far from here, about twenty minutes driving, shall we go?
How did he always manage to find such places, hidden from curious tourists?
It was difficult to call it a restaurant. Small garden with six tables and a wonderful cuisine.
I told Michelle that I would have salads with grilled fish – without any additives. He made the order – everything I asked for – for two and a bottle of wine.
You want to make me drunk?
I don’t believe it's possible. Someday you will come to visit me in Marseille, I will cook an authentic French dinner and perhaps try to teach you how to appreciate the taste of wine.
We talked about the house, and I reminded myself of Michelle's purpose visiting here in Toledo.
Tomorrow morning we will go to the antiques shop and try to figure out the signs on the objects I found in my house.
Did you bring everything with you?
No, not everything. Just those which have signs on them. If they were made in Toledo, it means that the people here may know the origins of the symbols.
Our meal lasted less than two hours. We both wanted to go back to the hotel, and instead of enjoying an evening walk in Toledo we found ourselves in Michelle's room. Well, the rooms were quite similar. But... Perhaps it was a mirage? On the nightstand next to the bed, I saw a mug for washing hands. A regular one with two handles. Old, with blackened silver. There I saw a half erased sign.
What more do you have?
Everything is there.
Then, next to the mug I noticed a pointer which was used for reading the Torah and something that could be its case.
There wasn’t any scroll inside, only some deepening for stones. Probably, they were taken out and sold when needed. Those three objects had the signs of different artists from Toledo, and perhaps of families they belonged to.
Rashel. Are you familiar with these objects? What are they for?
I was silent. Two shocking situations at the same time – it is too much.
Are your ancestors Marranos?
Who?
Marranos. People who were baptized by force, but secretly kept their Judaism traditions.
My great grandparents weren’t religious at all. I never saw them going to church or doing any other traditions.
Those objects are religious – they belong to Judaism.
I explained their usage.
There was a deep silence in the room. For the first time since our meeting I felt a growing wall between of us. I didn’t know what to say, Michelle was all into himself.
How should I react in situation like that? I felt a great desire to leave the room.
I will go to my room, I want to be alone.
He was still silent. It wasn’t clear whether Michelle hears me or not. I quietly left the room, and Michelle didn’t say a word. Sitting on the chair, as if frozen, didn’t try to stop me.
It was the end, an unexpected one.
I didn’t want to be alone so I went to the caf; where Michelle and I met. I saw that only one free table was waiting for me. I had to order something. My imagination wasn’t quite productive so I ordered lemonade and ice cream.
I sat there watching it melt and spread in the vase.
Well? For how long are you going to sit like that? – I heard Lea's voice.
I don’t know. I am so confused and I don’t know anything.
I will explain everything. Just ask.
About?
Things that bother you.
But I didn’t know what to ask, being so confused and helpless I bursted into tears.   
Just don’t cry. Everything will be all right. He will come for you.
No, it is the end.
Why do you say something that you don’t want to believe? You looked for each other for more than a century and finally fate brought you together.
What for?
I don’t know.
There must be something that you don’t notice.
Absolutely.
What else is hidden from your omnipresent eye?
Don’t be mad. Calm down. Everything will be all right. You will be together – and ahead is a long and happy life.
His in France, mine in Israel.
You don’t believe me? Me? And here he is.
I looked for you. Why did you go away?
I thought that you wanted to be alone.
I think you were wrong. I just haven’t noticed that you left; and after noticing started to look for you.
Sit down.
I don’t want to. I came for you. Let's go back to the room I don’t want to be among people.
Michelle payed the bill and we went back to the hotel. However, the harmony was ruined. I didn’t know what to talk about, and he was silent. Having nothing to do, I began to observe the pointer.
I am trying to recall something from my great grandparent lives that could remind religious traditions – with no success.
I don’t even have the smallest clue which I could use. Actually I don’t really understand who the Marranos were.
To understand that, we should return to many centuries ago. To the history of Spain and Portugal.
To Toledo?
Not necessarily. One of the biggest Jewish communities in those times was in Toledo.
Tell me what you know about it.
It will take too long.
Are we in a hurry? – Michelle wondered. – We have the whole night.
"I am not a story teller", - I thought to myself, but said:
Alright, I just want to go to my room to change my clothes.
"What am I doing?" – crossed in my head. Right as I entered my room I felt how the pain of fear in my stomach takes over me. For the last day and a half I broke all my morals. What could have pushed me to do that? Hopelessness, confusion or just boredom? I did not recognize myself. Only two days ago I would insist that something like that would never could happened to me. What has changed in such short time?
No, I should immediately go back home, away from this sin. Home. And suddenly I felt so sorry for myself. For the last two days I was so happy. Despite the common sense. Once more my conscious took over my feelings...Home...
I woke up from the knock on my door.
Where did you disappear?
I sat there with my head down, and felt my tears flow down my cheeks.
What happened? What is it with you?
The more he insisted, the more I felt sorry for myself and broke into tears.
Michelle took me from the chair to the bed. In his hands, as if I was a child. He didn’t ask anything, just caressed my hair and whispered:
Everything will be all right. Everything will be all right...
Then, he stayed in my bed once more.
In the morning I woke up from the tough of his lips. I hate when someone wakes me up, but this time the interruption to my sleep didn’t cause me suffering. It was quite the opposite, it was pleasant. The room was full of coffee and croissant scents.
Everything repeated. Once more I had my breakfast in the bed. When we ended and the tray was taken away to the table, Michelle returned to yesterday's topic.
Tell me more about what happened to Jews in Spain. Some of your family history.
I was always quite confident regarding my knowledge of this part of history. However, while telling, I answered a lot of Michelle's questions. It turned to be that my knowledge was quite approximate. For example, I remembered that Jews were banished from Spain by the queen Isabella and her husband Ferdinand. It happened on the 9th of Av (August), but I couldn’t recall in which year it happened. But, I told him about two synagogues of Toledo, about Jewish community of the city and the history of my ancestors. In general I jumped from one subject to the other till I had nothing left to say.
How do you think, do all objects that are found in my house have some kind of a connection to Toledo?
Seems that way. Are you disappointed?
No. Rather surprised. Perhaps my great grandparents knew the purpose of these objects, and just kept them as family heirlooms...
He was silent for a few minutes, and then asked me how certain I was about my definition of the objects.
A hundred percent, - I replied laughing. In fact, we are now in Hudoriya – the Jewish quarter of Toledo. We can explore it and touch some of its history.
Dress up...
For long hours we were walking in the city, then we just sat on the bench by the Tagus coast, quietly observing the serenity of the water.
For how long you are staying in Toledo? – Asked Michelle.
One week.
And how many days have passed?
It's the third one.
So, we arrived on the same day...
I was afraid to ask him the same question. He may answer that tomorrow he is going back home; which means that everything will be over by tomorrow. Affairs during holidays are so evanescent. Unfortunately we could not stop time, even if it was worth it.
I'm so curious, what he is thinking of right now.
Are you tired?
No.
Then let's go back to the city.
Alright.
We walked by the river, and then gradually turned to the center of the city.
Michelle talked about something, and I realized that I don’t even listened to him. In front of my eyes were the last three days, and I wanted to cry knowing that everything is about to end.
We sat in a small park between two antique trees.
When are you going back? I finally managed to ask the question which bothered me so much.
You have another four free days. So, I was thinking that we should fly together to Marseille tomorrow. After all, it isn’t quite important where to rest, here or in Marseille.
So I realized that his flight back is for tomorrow.
I don’t know. It is quite unexpected...
So, tomorrow at eight o'clock in the morning we are leaving the hotel and going to the airport.
His tone of voice did not allow any objections. He already decided for both of us. Well, Toledo or Marseille really did not matter.
The important thing for me was to return home as I planned, a day before my husband comes back from his conference. I was already certain in my decision to get a divorcement. I realized that there is no future for what happened here in Toledo, but my previous life reached its end. With my returning home I will probably start a new clear page in my life.
And till then...
Perhaps, I should go to Marseille with Michelle and relax there.
Didn’t you want to go to the antique shop?
What for? You explained me everything. Now we will go back home and you will give me your passport.
Passport?
Yes. I need to figure out the flight issue. I believe that there won't be any problem, for it is the middle of the week, and there should be tickets...
Michelle didn’t ask anything, he just decided for me. I didn’t even reply if I was willing to go with him. Probably, he thought it was obvious.
When we returned to the hotel, I gave him my passport.
While you deal with the ticket, I will go for a walk.
But not for too long.
Don’t worry I will be near the hotel.
In fact, I was willing to see Lea before leaving. I saw her sitting on the bench in front of the Santa Maria entrance.
You are flying? Came to say goodbye?
I nodded.
Don’t ask me any questions. Just be happy. Amen.
She walked away, carrying a burden of many years, and I returned to the hotel.
Get ready – Michelle told me. There wasn’t any tickets for the morning, so we are leaving tonight at quarter past midnight. In three hours we have to be at the airport.
Is all that happening to me? Me, who was always afraid of her own shade, and of what others would think, is capable of such insane acts? Can it really happen?
Everything is so vague. The arrangement...Airport...Flight...The way to Michelle's home. Half asleep we immediately went to bed.
In the morning, when I woke up, I observed the room where I was sleeping. It was rather an office with many bookshelves along the walls, a desk next to the window, and a bed, which is more likely to be transformed into a sofa.
I wonder where Michelle is...
I wore his shirt, which looked more like a robe on me, and went to look for him. He was sitting near the kitchen table, writing something.
Why do you work here and not at the office?
Didn’t want to wake you up. Good morning. Sit down, I will make some coffee for you. What plans do we have for today?
He said – we, which make it sound as if we were united into one.
As a response I shrugged my shoulders. All my plans were left in Toledo.
So here is what we are about to do. At twelve I have a business meeting, which will take no longer than 30-40 minutes, then I'll be back and we will go to see the city. Afterwards we'll see. Have you even been in Marseille?
A long time ago. With my parents.
So, consider it as your first time.
Suddenly we heard the doorbell.
Are you waiting for someone?
Groceries. I made an order an hour ago.
The courier brought two boxes one after the other.
For how long is all that?
Till it ends.
It seemed a lot, but actually it was much less than I imagined. The packages were the bigger part. For example, slices of salmon were on ice cubes which were much bigger that the fish itself.
Here is the coffee and the croissants.
One month with food like that and every door will be too narrow for me – I thought to myself.
Why was I thinking about a month? In a few days this dream will be over.
Is something bothering you? You are not really here – I heard Michelle's voice – Come back to the ground.
I don’t want to stay alone. Perhaps I can join you to the meeting?
It is not possible. I promise to be back as soon as possible. Don’t feel bad. If you want to eat or drink something, everything is in the fridge. You have the bookcase and the television for your convenience. Unfortunately, except the office, the rest of the rooms are still not arranged, do not pay attention to it. All the house is at your disposal.
He kissed me for goodbye and left.
I walked lonely in the house, as if I was trying to get familiar with it. In one of the rooms I saw an open box, with an old blackened money box. Apparently, here Michelle found all those objects which amazed him. There were not many of them. However, there was no doubt that they once belonged to a Jewish family. And if people kept them in their houses even after being baptized and with the fear of inquisition, so they have secretly kept their Jewish tradition.
Now it was all gone in the distant past, and brought to assimilation in the country which became a second home. From white Marranos they gradually became complete French. Today Michelle and I share an irresistible distance of half a millennium.
I should return to the present.
I observed the painting which was standing near the wall.
I didn’t have enough time to hang them on the walls – I heard Michelle's voice.
He came back very fast indeed.
Let's eat something and go?
I am not hungry yet.
As you wish. Dress up, when you'll be hungry we'll stop somewhere for lunch.
In a few minutes I was ready – regular jeans, t-shirt and a coat in case of rain.
Michelle took me to the center of the city, then we left the car and walked through the old part of it. Michelle was quite a good guide – everything that he told me about was very interesting.
At some point I wondered that our encountering in a way stopped the time. I couldn’t realize how I lived before and how would I live after I go back home.
Are you tired?
A bit.
So let's eat somewhere.
He took me to a small restaurant which was liked by the locals. After lunch we continued our tour and came back home only late at night.
It seemed as if we observed all the city, including art galleries. However, Michelle had a whole new plan for tomorrow filled with places that we didn’t manage to visit today.
He also told me that during the morning he won't be at home, he has some things to manage, and will be back by eleven.
You only wake up at that time, so you won't notice my absence.
I wasn’t tired, but as I laid in the bed, I fell asleep immediately...
In the morning I did notice Michelle's absence. The house was empty, and I suddenly felt very lonely.   
However, it did not last for a long time. I heard the noise from the door.
I am free for today.
What plans do we have?
We will continue our tour and in the evening I ordered a table in a restaurant for us. Do you have an evening dress with you?
What?
I guess not. We will have to buy one. In that restaurant you are allowed only with suits and evening dresses.
So maybe we can do without it?
Yesterday I noticed that most French women wear high heels on a daily basis. To think that – why would they suffer so much.
Let's go. We will drink coffee on the way. At the caf;.
We drove to the sea.
Listening to Michelle's fascinating stories I lost track of time. At some point I was very tired.
Let's go back home, - I suggested.
Tired?
A bit?
Okay. Let's go. But on the way we will go to a clothing shop.
Are you sure?
Yes.
The shop turned out to be a fashion saloon. The dresses on the mannequins were very minimalistic and extravagant. I didn’t want to even try something like that. Finally, after long searches the saleswoman found a black dress for me with a small cleavage.
Michelle insisted and I went to try it on. The saleswoman followed me and brought me shoes with unimaginable high heels.
Charming – she said after seeing me in my new clothing.
It was obvious to me that this outfit is for one evening only, so I tried to convince Michelle once more to change his mind, but he was determined. I was completely confused. I did not want to get such an expensive present that costs as much as my two months' salary. How could I let it all happened? I have to go back home, as soon as possible. Run away from that situation. I was all into myself, and all the way back home kept silent, didn’t even thank Michelle for my new outfit.
You should rest, said Michelle when we came back. He considered my pangs of conscious as a simple fatigue. You have four hours, try to sleep. By the way, what did you like most during our city observation?
Ch;teau d'If. Perhaps, there will be a place for me too? Next to the prison cell of Monte Cristo.
Why do you want to punish yourself?
For everything, I murmured and covered myself with the blanket...
I woke up because of the light.
It's time to get up, sleeping beauty. You have half an hour to get ready.
Michelle was already wearing a suit. I still could not understand what was the surprise that he was talking about, and where are we going this evening.
I only disappeared for half an hour, and then I want to see a princess.
I had no choice but to obey.
Unusual outfit and slight make up transformed me. In the mirror I saw a stranger. However, I must admit, she looked good.
The door was opened.
You look amazing – said Michelle.
Where are you taking me?
Surprise.
In half an hour we came to a fancy restaurant. Honestly, I was afraid. I never been in such places. I believe Michelle felt what I was feeling, he took my hand and confidently led me to the table.
We didn’t get any menu, everything was ordered ahead of time. The waiter opened a bottle of wine, and after Michelle's approval he poured it.
Happy birthday, dear.
Happy what?
According to your passport, today is your birthday.
Michelle was confused, for the first time since we met.
I smiled:
I told him that I was born at the one of the most significant day in Judaism. My religious grandfather said that it is a sign from above. He passed away many years ago, but the tradition to celebrate my birthday during the 10th day of the month Tishrei remained in our family. The rest of my family members celebrated their birthdays by the regular calendar.
So, from now on you will have two birthdays each year.
Does it mean that I will get older twice faster, - I replied laughing. Then I noticed a small box in front of me, with amazing earrings inside. While I was thinking how to refuse politely to that gift, Michelle took out another box with a ring that matched to the earrings and a small note beside, saying "Will you marry me?". For a moment I thought that I was in some magic world. For the last few days we talked about everything...
But, listen I am...
No, you listen to me. Your marriage – is just a formality. In fact nothing attaches you except the status in your passport. You told me about it yourself. Isn’t it true? Why are you silent? You have to admit that I am telling the truth.
Divorcement – it is a long process which can last for a few years.
In case one of the sides refuses. Perhaps, your husband wants a divorce as well and is afraid to tell you. If you take the first step everything could be much easier than you think. And then you will marry me.
Are you asking or stating?
Michelle took the ring out of the box and put it on my ring finger.
I wanted to ask for a long time, why don’t you wear jewelries at all?
I do. I just didn’t take them to the trip.
Even your wedding ring?
I didn’t want to tell him, that after our first night I took it off me and put it in my wallet.
That’s it, we stop talking about it at all. So, what do we celebrate?
Your birthday and our engagement. May I invite you to dance with me?
The rest of the evening was more like a fairytale – the first ball of the princess. The following two days passed like one moment.
Everything that happened made me determined – I really was ready for the divorcement. 
...My husband came back one day after me. During the dinner I managed to say this phrase that I rehearsed for so long. 
We have to talk.
We do.
And by his reply I figured out that he has someone, and for him it would be a good solution to the situation.
Why only for him? For both of us.
We were divorced after one week, because we has a mutual interest. We had nothing to share, didn’t have any children.
Everything was much easier than I could imagine.
The hardest part was the explanation to my parents, who weren’t willing to hear anything. The divorcement seemed as a tragedy for them.
Let me try and talk to them, offered Michelle, who arrived a day after the divorcement.
No, I don’t need any help with that. I will try to manage myself.
But it was harder than I could imagine. Two weeks later they were no longer angry and agreed to meet Michelle. They asked him so many questions and wanted to know everything about his roots. The story with the found objects amazed my father. He was very intrigued and helped Michelle with the searches. They went together to different archives where they really found a proof for Jewish roots from the distant past.
Where do you plan to live? – asked my parents.
We didn’t think about it yet. However, we are getting married in Marseille.
It was logical. In Israel there is no such thing as civil marriage, and Marranos were not Jewish enough for a religious marriage. For that purpose it was necessary to become Jewish.
Let's leave it for later, - Michelle reassured my parents. – I promise you that I will get back to my roots.
Our wedding was quite small and calm – only relatives. We had a family dinner after we came back from France.
We rented a small apartment next to my parents' house.
We began to live our life by first agreeing to live here during this academic year, in Jerusalem, and the next on in Marseille. A life between two homes.
A regular Jewish destiny – an eternal journey and search...

P.S. My husband made a present for our first anniversary and took me to Toledo. Being on my sixth month of pregnancy I felt great. We spent a few wonderful days there. The only thing that disappointed me was the fact that I could not find Lea. She never appeared again, although we were many times next to the Santa Maria la Blanca square. Before we left Michelle suddenly asked me:
Were you looking for someone here?
After a moment of doubt, I told him all the story about our meeting, including my dialog with Lea. His smile surprised me, as if he was hiding something. I could not help saying:
Now it is your turn, and I want to hear all the truth and only the truth.
On that day I came to Toledo. Checked in at the hotel. Tired and hungry I decided to have lunch at the nearest caf;. There wasn’t any free tables, so I decided to sit next to a woman, who were sitting lonely. She was strange – talked with herself, didn’t eat and instead made some sketches. In general, she made an impression of not quite a normal person.
So why did you decide to sit next to her?
Apparently, I was very hungry. When I was sitting in front of that woman I was quite interested in her sketches. And she herself, appeared to be a very charming creature... I believe that you should not search for that ghost from the past anymore.
Why?
She won't appear once more in front of you. Her help is no longer needed.
I must admit that Michelle was right. We did not need her involvement any more – we were happy.
I just wanted to thank her.