Mind Transformation 325

A month later
325
Before making this not, I had spent plenty of time thinking whether I should write in English or Russian. Really, I had a huge desire to continue journaling in my native language, though at the same time I wanted to develop my English. I see it quite clearly that without daily writing there is no real growth, so I have to write in English and I’ll do that.
Having abandoned daily writing for a month, I ruined my life almost totally. There were more than 200 hours wasted on playing bloody Heroes3. Most of my powerful habits were destroyed, and I’ve come up with having no energy to do whatever I did before. Now, I’m in such a miserable condition—
Okay, fine. I just need a little time and everything will be changed. I know that. It always happens. After the deepest failures there are always the highest achievements. All I need to do is just writing; even If I don’t want to do it. The desire will come later. It will come. It always comes. Last night I thought that these battles with my passion, every time when I successfully defeat it, give me a lot of energy. However, it takes lots of energy to maintain these battles, too. What If at some moment I won’t be able to win? Well, definitely, at some moment all this shit is going to be stopped—doesn’t matter whether I win or not. It’s just a game—the game is matter. I can play in video games better than 99% of ppl, but what if I learn to play in the game called life to the same degree? Life?

To the beginning: http://www.proza.ru/2018/03/10/1530
Next: http://www.proza.ru/2019/05/09/1082