Mind Transformation 338

338
Rereading the journal. A beautiful girl.
Yesterday I started rereading the journal. Now it’s ended up. There were lots of complaining, but mostly it’s alright. I think I have to keep in mind that the basic issue is conceptualizing of what’s going on in my life and recording the stream of consciousness—not just working on the language. I’ve noticed that I always complain about quality of my language, though actually it’s not a big problem. My language is quite sufficient to record everything I’m doing in life and make comments to my actions. I mean I can write bloody well, if I do it for myself not for readers. I don’t do it for imaginary readers. Fuck the readers! The goal is to be honest with yourself. I do it to discover what is really inside.
So yesterday I met an outstanding girl. I came to the shore and she was there lying and reading a book. I was swimming and staring at her for about an hour. At that time I didn’t dare to come to her. Then, it became cold. I decided to go home. However, when I got out of the beach and passed a few hundred meters, I stopped and resolved to wait for the girl. I assumed she had to leave the beach quite soon. It was a reasonable assumption, and after five minutes she came to the place where I was waiting for her. I followed her, and when there was a good moment I came to her and asked about the book she was reading at the beach. Then we talked about some little things for five or ten minutes. She said something about the book, which was written by a Turkish guy—I forgot his name—who went from Baku to Istanbul or otherwise. She also told me about her psychological education, though I actually paid little attention to all of that because she was so beauty. I was so impressed that even forgot to introduce myself and didn’t ask her name. Then she said that she had to go, and I invited her to take a walk at the evening. She said that she often runs on a shore at evenings. I asked about the evening and offered to run together. She replayed that she probably will, though she wasn’t sure. I said I’ll wait for her at 10PM, but she didn’t come. Perhaps she is going to come today. I actually said to her that I’m going to come to the place each day and be there from 9:30 to 10:30 till we meet again.

To the beginning: http://www.proza.ru/2018/03/10/1530
Next: http://www.proza.ru/2019/05/25/1825