Remember the day of Sunday!
In our life, there is place for joy. And after it often comes the sadness like a cirrus cloud in the sky. After all, behind the white strip often comes a dark strip.
On Friday, on the eve of the Dormition of the St Mother of God , I went to buy bread at lunch. I give money to a seller, woman who told
to me: Pray the Gof for Helen and her daughter Victoria.
I looked at the woman and asked: And who is Elena? and she said: Its me. I am very sinful. My mother was killed. I have no husband. My daughter Victoria is 15 years old, she studies.
He said that I was more sinful than her. She did not agree and argued. So I realized that she sincerely believed in God,and try to conduct humble as can.
I asked her: Why do you make such a request to me?
-You must be a priest! ( I was in a long light raincoat that one kind man gave to another, and that one gave to me).
-No, I answer, I read the psalms (since October 2010 I read the psalms and prayers in the orthodox church.) I felt that I must reassure a woman, because one cannot refuse to ask for prayer.
-If so, you will be a priest.
I say no word. I know that I was not destined to become as I cannot. And besides, my memory is poor, sometimes I forget ordinary prayers, when there are many people.
The next day, after the Liturgy in the day of the Assumption of the Mother of God, I went to get some bread and gave an unleavened bread to Helen. She was delighted!
On Sunday, I missed the Liturgy. Hey, psalm-reader, aren't you ashamed? ... It's a shame ... I went to the country to pick vegetables: tomatoes, celery, parsley, cucumbers, carrots. Because I usually go to the country on Saturdays, and we have the Liturgy on Saturdays. I have no car and take train, then I walk 30 minutes.
I went through the forest: it rained so much so Ie hoped to find mushrooms. I found a fewe (good word told by my deceased father on the question of the neighboor about found mushrooms in the forest, but he brought the whites' basket (!): I found a few. But I did find a bit: my eyes vision is -3 diopters, I have broke my glasses and went with a cane, looked for mushrooms under the ferns.
One boletus saw me there. I went slowly to the country. I saw a girl of about sixteen ahead. I overtook it (I have meter steps!) And then I went to the left, up the hill where I found the chanterelles before.
But no for this time. Then I returned to the trail, and I was again behind the girl. I remarked that she goes faster and faster. And then she went sharply to the side, and run ...
Lord have mercy! I was scared ... Here's your reward, buddy, for mushrooms on Sunday, for not praying in the church on Sunday. Here's your sunflower cake!
I became sad as always as I am when I understand that I did not do well ....
Eh ... If I could become an Angel to say from Heaven: Dear child, do you have to be afraid of me? Do you know what is in my soul?
Do you know how to pray at night for a friend who dies from oncology? Not? And I know, because I prayed in the very heat, at +30, two and a half months ...
I cursed myself with the last words when I had waked up at midnight twice. But I took himself by the collar, got up at the first hour of the night, and prayed, because how else to help ...
And one another prayer read the 90th psalm .... And then the closest friend "ordered me to live" for a long time, he died. And I saw a dream the day before, as he, exhausted,
was lying in bed and could not sleep ... And I, like an Angel with wings, stand at his door and protect sleep. But God took his soul. Probaby Vasya was ready.
After all, he had extreme unction and he suffered so much that it’s far from everyone can ...
Do I even look a little like an evil dog? I would go to heaven, my dear, even now, but there are too many sins, and grave ones ... And earthly affairs are not finished yet ...
Lord, give me Your mercy so much that no one will expect bad things from me!
P.S. 10 months came as I wrote this novel. For this time I knew the joy to sing in the church choir. I learned how difficult it is, what temptations can be, and that without prayer and resignation it is impossible ...
But how much joy comes to the soul, when I can sing well! I come out after the Liturgy shining like the sun! The soul shines! And then the disease of the legs came and began to progress rapidly.
I cannot stand for long in one place, the operation will be is only in October. I started to ride a bike when I knew that it is good. Another improvement has come. God grant your mercy!
I congratulate everyone with the beginning of the apostolic fasting!
Translated on 6 June 2019.
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